Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 22

    Last night's dream was like this. I was trying to masturbate looking on to a women. I don't know why I am sharing this. But does this kind of dreams come to you people too?
    May be because the only sexual outlet for me was masturbation now that I am prohibiting myself from masturbation. Anyhow again tired having pains in head due to poor sleep.
     
  2. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Pretty normal. I would not worry about it too much. Your mind is just rewiring.

    Remember, sex is natural and normal. Sitting in front of a computer drooling over pixels, is not.
     
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  3. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Haven't had night erections from quite some time. Very occasionally may for like 2 times in the past 22-23 days did I have morning erection which lasted for just 25-30 secs. It makes me worried when I am preserving my sexual energy the intensity of erections is so less what when I became sexual with my future wife. Also in those 2 erections that I had the erections was just avg with the head of the pennis being small. The head used to be normal till 2-3 yrs back if I recall a good memory point.
     
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Also professor I am not having sexual intimacy with any female. So rewiring is happening or not I don't know.
     
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 24

    Yesterday my friends went to play cricket at night since it's fasting in the day. I could not because I know I will get tired and worn myself out. It's a remorse and regret that I feel now. Feels like why did I PMO? I just want myself back . Since I have realised that pmo had done harm to me I have rarely not had my mind thinking about it. In the washroom I think about it. While writing I think about the same . While evening walks I think the same. I don't know when shall this end and how shall this end.

    Hope almighty Allah shall show some mercy during Ramadan .

    Ameen
     
  6. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 27

    Alhamdulillah by the grace of God I am still going. But my pennis is getting shriveled like pickle after I come back from walks. Same is the situation when I do any physical task. Is it normal?. Also I feel like the sensation to empty my bladder. Like going for pee quite often then early. What can it be? whom should I go to?
     
  7. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Hey mate. Go to a doctor or a sexual health specialist. Please don’t be embarrassed it’s part of being a health adult male. It’s good to do. You will live longer. It’s why women live longer than us, they go for check ups all the time.

    I also don’t think you can self diagnose as having ED if you don’t have a partner. I’m sure that you are on the right path. Spiritual warriors need healing to. TALK TO SOMEONE.

    Good luck!
     
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  8. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

    Mickey I also feel very tired after playing and even have back pain neck pain etc after the next day. Also when going out with friends to party or to fests for dancing i feel low energy and pain afterwards.
    But I still go because I enjoy doing these stuffs. I think having the mentality that after 90 days I will have more energy etc and then I will go and do these things doesn't help at all. We should keep doing things that are normal for everyone and that we enjoy. Missing out on these things because of the fear of pains , low energy etc would just create frustration and nothing else.I have realized that these pains exist even when I am just resting at home. So its better we do things we like and get the fun that we can
     
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  9. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 28

    It was a tiresome day. I m waiting for a wet dream. Haven't had any in this streak. Some emotional breakdowns after the evening meal. I cried infront of my parents when I was too tired and I yelled at my mom. I said sorry but they are not aware of the tension that comes when you have doubts of having ed. Anyhow I have been regular for walking since last 85 days. Which is actually like 95-100 days I missed a day in between the initial 10 days so missed on streak. With the help of this walking, slight jogging( not in fasting time) and slight exercise and dieting reduced my weight from 79 kgs to 70.3 kgs. Might be effects look magnified because of Ramadan. I must keep the routine. But once I take up a job this shall be a daunting task again. I have become very particular about each and every small detail in my life. Like for example I haven't had soft drinks since 45-50 days because it contains caffeine and caffeine is not good for people suffering from insomnia. Same applies to tea and coffee I have eliminated them completely they are now alienated except for once when my friend forced me to have tea because they were feeling drowsy. Since the last one year I have hardly had tea or coffee once or twice. The same applies to many things. I want to live a tension free life the life of a 9 th standard kid who is enthusiastic about weekends who enjoys Sundays and feels that Monday should have also been holiday. People rejoice on the last day of their semester. But I don't. I used to till some point of time but not now. I feel like no women shall be interested in me. Thoughts like this keep on running in my mind . Then things like what if a girl marries me and suppose I have ED what next then? Would it not be like cheating with the girl and not telling it before the marriage. Here in India you don't have the tradition of telling your to be wife or husband all that. Thoughts like this keep on running through out my mind the whole day.
    Again I had this dream of joining the army but I cannot fulfill it know I feel because I have wasted much of my energy in masturbation. I feel I can never go back to those days when I masturbated and yet had energy to run etc .
     
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 33

    Just broke my fast. It was a tiring day. I don't see any improvement any my sexual health. No erections in the morning. Managing my days with as little as 5 hours of sleep. Still on clonazepam 0.5 mg.
     
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 34

    It was a tiring day. Went for some shopping to buy my brother and father some clothes for the Eid. I drove the bike in the summer. After coming back wrote an online aptitude exam too. It was tiring. Before attempting the exam I went for the walk too. This should be exhaustive enough for letting me fall asleep .But I am awake unfortunately writing this. I hope Allah SWT shall end this soon. Pls pray for me.

    Ameen
     
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  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 35

    One of my friends insisted me to have a soft drink after breaking the fast. So had one. It was already a long day doing a lot of things. Not to break the streak of walking I went for the walk at around 11 pm in the night. Took 0.25 mg of clonazepam half my general dose and could only be restless in sleep and waking up just under 2 hrs.
     
  13. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 40

    I feel like I have put myself into a never ending trouble. The tiredness when I wake up is terrible. I don't have that energy and zeal that I used to. Even if something is exciting coming my way. I need to plan well in advance how my sleep is going to follow. Everything revolves around my sleep nowadays. For everyone whenever they are tired they feel sleep and hence sleep. For me it's not about tiredness it's about taking clonazepam and then falling asleep . The sleep I get with clonazepam doesn't feel like a sleep also it's like I closed my eyes for a minute and opened eventhough i have slept for 3-4 hrs. Also taking just 0.25 mg of cloanzepam since past 3 days and having a terrible time to fall asleep and waking within just 2 hrs.

    May Allah ease my difficulties.
     
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 43

    Managed a little over 4 hours of non quality sleep. Feeling very low. Also the issue of leakage after 2-3 min I pee is still there. Tommorow shall be Eid here. A celebration I haven't enjoyed since the last 2 years. I have been into this trouble since then. I want to live to the fullest but I don't have energy. May Allah ease my difficulties. Also because it was fasting month I could keep away from things which I should. I m afraid as to whether things shall get back to the same after Eid. This shall be a challenge for me.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2019
  15. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Good luck. You are doing really well. Your thinking seems very negative. If you highlight your problems your mind will focus on them. Focus your mind on more positive things and be kind to yourself. This might help you to relax and it might help you to see sleep. Count your blessings. :)

    43 days is a huge accomplishment. Well done!!!

    PC
     
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  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 46

    Done with the eid. I got my joining for the job on 3 days from now. It was all of a a sudden I was expecting it to start from July or early August. I took just 0.25 mg of clonazepam and again non quality 4 hr sleep. The job shall be night shift. Now I need to equip myself with a new schedule. Sleep at morning 5-6 am go to work at around evening finish work at around 3 or 4 am. I have been regular with my morning walks/ evening walks until today. I don't know how I shall be managing them after I join. I am afraid as to whether the insomnia shall increase if I join the job .Nonetheless if I don't I shall give myself time which shall not be productive. May Allah guide me to the right path.
     
  17. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 50

    I had my day 2 at my job. It was a night shift untill 2 and I somehow could focus. But again after coming back from office at around 3 in the morning but I din't feel sleepy. So took 0.5 mg of clonazepam and slept again. Again non quality of 6 hr sleep. Need to go for a walk at around 12 noon so that I don't loose on the consistency of my walks.

    May Allah ease my difficulties.
     
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 54

    I haven't had a wet dream till now. I don't know why?
    I have not masturbates for like 54 days it should have happened.
     
  19. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 55

    So this morning I had a wet dream. But I feel my pennis was not soo erect that time. Also the issue of my pennis leaking after I pee is still there.
     
  20. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 57

    I was to sit beside a girl in the cab today. I generally avoid it. I travel to my workplace through an office cab. But because my other fellow colleagues were late I had to sit beside her and I don't know why I had a precum leakage today. I m like I have avaoided any sexual stimulation or thought for the last 2 months almost and now this happens. Does this happen when you sit beside a girl?
     

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