Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Like you said you relapse because of some reasons. For me that reason is feeling of desperation to heal. i freak out that I have Erectile dysfunction . I am troubled by my sleep. sleep things trouble me a lot. You see a couple of days ago I had a dream which was like I was to get married tommorow and I was freaking out how will I perform on the wedding night. Any how I must tell you I am regular on morning walks since last 41 days.
     
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 3

    It's just the beginning of day 3. I went for the walk but reduces the distance because I have an exam today. For the last 40 days I have been sleeping at some 11-11.15 pm and waking up at 5.20-5.30 am in the morning all when I take clonazepam. After so many relapses one thing that I have noticed is Previously even after doing some 2-3 sessions of PMO like some 3 yrs back I never got tired like I m getting now. Also one of my insecurities is that I feel the tiredness and pains that I face will create hindrance for my future endeavours for eg I wanted to go for post graduation , ( I shall be graduating in june-september 2019) but I feel like travelling to college again would be a tiring task. At this age it should not be a big taks for me. Almost everybody travels by public transport at this age and go for colleges. Me despite of having bike I feel back pain and tiredness while I climb the stairs to my class. Also I get terribly sweaty with just 3-3.5 kms of walk. My joints make noises when I try to lift something heavy like lifting a 5 kg weight would make my knee and wrist joints to make noise.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2019
  3. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

    Again mickey I also have almost all these problems and insecurities , all I want you to do is to just not pay attention to them for atleast 1 month . It seems ridiculous to just ignore things , but paying attention to them has done nothing good to us anyway , so why not for a change just stay happy for a month . As soon as you notice any sad thought coming in your mind because of any situation , just change your thought , if you are tired or sleepy or energyless so be it , dont worry , dont give it much attention . Just try to do it regularly, after all life is short anyway and there is no use of thinking regularly about these things and getting sad .
    And try to sleep a liitle more , a little early maybe and also you can go for walk on evening as well , try to sleep for atleast 7-8 hrs , even if you get up after 5-6 hrs , just stay in bed , maybe meditate .
     
    Mickeymouse likes this.
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 1
    Relapsed yesterday. And felt tired the whole day. Got some pimples on the face too. I don't know the moment I relapse next day or two days later I get pimples on my right cheek
     
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

  6. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Things are taking a big toll in my life. The tensions that I have regarding me having ed, insomnia are effecting my life in some way or the other. The constant feeling that I am tired and when shall I be able to fall asleep on my own bothers me. My family is also getting disturbed. I cannot enjoy moments of life with my mom's dad brother and sister. I m really sick of this things. I still cannot figure out what is consuming my life. My father believes taking cloanzepam is of no help it will worsen my condition what else can I do I simply don't get sleep.

    The only hope is from Allah SWT.

    May he ease my difficult times and take me out of this situation.
     
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 5

    I m at home today. Its almost over 2 months since I have started to go for morning walks. I am regular since last 51 days.
     
  8. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 6

    Relapsed. After I felt tired from the morning walk. Felt asleep for like 25 mins woke up sweating. And relapsed.
     
  9. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Feeling worse. I really need
    to get a normal life. Where I can enjoy small small laughs. Bot be worried about anything.
     
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 1

    After the morning walk I tried to sleep I felt like the bed was shaking. I don't know what was happening. This thing has been there since 2 years. It was after this feelings only that I somehow decided to go for no PMO.
     
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    It's 2.30 am in the night I was busy printing some college stuff. I feel no sign of sleep. I have to attend morning prayers at 5.30 am I do not know whether I should take clonazepam in this situation. If I take I miss my prayers . if I don't I mess my tommorow with fatigue and the next 3 hrs with hopeless thoughts
     
  12. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Damn dude. That’s a tough read. Sounds like you are fighting a spiritual war on multiple fronts.

    As a married man, I just want to assure you that if you find the right person, ED will not be a problem. There is so much more to a relationship than the sexual side. A good wife will love and encourage you in so many ways. As a man we are sometimes taught that intercourse is the be all, end all of a relationship. But there are so many other factors to a healthy loving partnership.

    The thing to remember is that we all fumble through our early encounters with a new partner. Learning about sex from P is like learning to fight from watching a movie. It’s all fake and for the camera.

    Real love is slower, healthier and much gentler. I see you are a religious man, I have no doubt that you will be ok. Just take small steps and be kind to yourself. Look after yourself, your family and those close to you. By caring for those close to you, you care for yourself.

    May you find the strength and peace you deserve.

    PC.
     
    Mickeymouse likes this.
  13. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Thank you for showing support.
     
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Ameen!
     
  15. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 3

    It ends now.
     
  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 4
    It was end of day and I relapsed intentionally.
     
  17. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    What does ‘intentional relapse’ mean? Up to till this point you’ve been saying, never again. Can you explain?

    PC.
     
    Mickeymouse likes this.
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    It implies I was in all my sense when I relapsed. I could have controlled the urge somehow. But I did not.
     
  19. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 3

    Completed.
     
  20. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 4


    It's day 4 and I was feeling tired after morning walk after having breakfast I somehow fell asleep woke up again for like 2 mins slept again the same continued from 9 am to 12.25 am I do not know what is happening. I have my exams from 1 St of may I really need to put effort. Inshallah almighty shall make things better. And help me in getting my endeavours.


    Ameen
     

Share This Page