Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Binging a lot.
     
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I feel very sad. Last week I became very pious in prayers. I was going for all the 4 prayers except the morning( Fajr) as I take sleeping pills to fall asleep. And now after relapsing it feels very pathetic. My knees are also paining. A kind of persistent tiredness since the morning is there. I have my exams from 22 nd I relapsed at a wrong time. Anyways going to stay strong from now. Inshallah!
     
  3. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    When I generally relapse I get nausea like symptoms. My throat gets some strange a typical feeling that one develops while just starting to have cold. My face looks even more tired and exhausted than before. Skin is unhealthy again.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2018
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 1


    Throat infection. There was no sign of it when I was in the last day of rebot. I have exams just 3 days left yet to complete the portion. Stressed.
     
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Hey reborn, ronkumar wants to have a conversation with you. Would be glad if you could attend to him.
     
  6. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 2

    Had some spiritual discussion on belief in God with the religious scholars. Felt good.
     
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 3

    I m writing just to have a connect.
     
  8. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 4

    I had a semester exam it didn't go well as expected. I had put in some grt effort but still.........
     
  9. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Dude, you're on constant stress. Your life is stressful, you have studying to do, your prayers to keep up with, and I don't know what you eat but I hope it has enough protein. The main thing that I got from your journal is that the constant level of stress both externally and internally is screwing up your body. This is my advice:

    1- Stop obsessing over your dick
    2- Stop feeling sorry for yourself about how you MO'd and PMO'd. You're human, you were born with sexual desires. Accept that and move on.
    3- Stop obsessing over the aches and pains in your body. Your knee cracks when you bend it? That doesn't mean you're getting old, accept it. Move on.

    You've already taken the necessary precautions and gone to the doctor, and I'm not saying to not keep an open mind and be inquisitive about your health, but it is helpful only to a certain limit. After a certain limit you need to look elseplace for answers, like your mind.

    Another thing I find from your journal is that you're super super depressed. You don't talk about any joy in your life, only about the negatives and what was and is no longer. How people say you're older than you really are. Who cares what they think? Why do you care so much about their perceptions?

    You need to feel confident in you. You need to find things you enjoy doing that really make you happy and able to really relieve some stress and cope with the external pressures of studying and keeping your faith which is important to you. If it is Youtube that brings you joy and happiness, watch an hour of your favourite subscriber but here's the trick: don't beat yourself up over it. Enjoy your time watching! Then do 20 pushups (or however many you can do) and read your textbook for an hour. Then go for a walk and clear your head, go for a run, and DON'T beat yourself up for feeling TIRED after running for 8 kms. What do you expect, to have the same body you had when you were 12, without the practice? You have to WORK UP to having a healthy body with EXERCISE, and by exercise I mean Weightlifting, not walking and jogging. Lift some weights. Eat more. Laugh wholeheartedly. Be always on the move, then when you come home at night maybe you will sleep better, without having to rely so much on clonazepam which is not the best to stay on long-term anyway. Especially at your age with no clear diagnosis.

    Every time someone has posted here about you needing to be active and exercising you discount their opinion saying that you feel tired after. What I believe you don't seem to understand is that you are supposed to feel tired after working out. Especially in the first 3 months of regular exercise. After 3 months of regular exercise (at least 3 sessions of 2 hour workout each week), theeeen you can expect to be less tired after workouts. Until then you should EXPECT to be tired. You should EXPECT to be sore. And like I said before, you need to do Strength training and develop all those muscles that have atrophied in your years of self-pity and obsessing over PMO as the cause of all of your problems physical and mental.

    Disclaimer: I came off as impolite, rude even. I don't know you, I only catch a glimpse into your life by skimming your journal. You have every right not to listen to a random stranger who knows nothing about your life. So go ahead and delete this if it offends you. But I saw you needed tough love and I wanted to give that to you because I know that in my life I've needed people to come and smack me in the face with cold hard truth so that I can see what I'm doing, stop feeling sorry for myself, and take actions to change my body and my life without resorting to petty excuses. This is my life I'm talking about, and I wanted to give you the push you may need to get off from your bed, stop using your smartphone for hours and hours and use that time and energy building your body and your confidence and your self-esteem to where you want it to be, brick by brick, workout by workout. I guarantee after 3 months it Will have an effect on your mood. What have you got to lose?

    Wishing you all the best. I apologize for the long post.
     
    Mcgregor and Mickeymouse like this.
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Thank you very much yearofchange. I appreciate. You writing this long post for someone who you don't know personally means a lot to me be it harsh, bitter truth or anything. Thank you buddy. I shall really look into your advices after my semester exams comes to an end.

    I look forward to hearing from you quite often in my journal
     
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    But I must also tell that I share whatever I face here only. I cannot go and tell this to my parents or my family. So pls bear with me.
     
  12. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Of course, this forum will never kick you out, ever. Will always welcome someone who needs the support to better their body, their mind and their lives. So no need to worry about that.
     
  13. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed.

    It was day 12. I was watching a movie and I felt like doing it and i lost.

    Man the best part of life is childhood you are not sexual that time and can use the energy in productive manner. For me I am confused as to I am just whacking and nothing is coming out. Has the damage been permanent? This time it shall be a very long streak .
     
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Had been relapsing everyday and doing thing for atleast 3-4 times everyday. But not from today. I cannot let this happen again. Inshallah!
     
  15. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed again.

    Shit!
     
  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsing a lot since my vacation started. Almost everyday. I have a backlog to write so I cannot do it again. I know its very foolish telling" I cannot do it again" yet doing it again but it's very difficult to beat.
     
  17. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Well, see where you are doing it, when you are doing it, why you are doing it. Gain insight into your habits, what makes you lead to it, is it feelings of stress? boredom? guilt? shame? frustration? Whatever it is, spend some time digging, feeling, and taking small steps to deal with whatever it is - to the best of your ability.
     
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 1

    Din't have much of urges but some pre cum leakage because one of my cousins came and sat beside me she needed help and I had no option than to help her with her assigment. Although I was not erect but leakage of precum occured. This precum leakage was very less when I my body just started to produce sperms in my 13 or 14.
     
  19. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Feeling pathetic while looking at the mirror again that vicious thinking of what I look like. Nothing to do with cravings and Pmo withdrawal stuff. I m worried while I ever be able to look of my original age. I did try doing some physical exercise the other day it was just a mere 5 min of activity. And my arms pain a lot 10 pushups is what I could do that too not at a single go. I wonder a 20 yr old having g such pains
     
  20. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Are you thinking "precum leakage" is abnormal?

    Why not look at it in a positive light if you're going to shine your focus on your physical appearance. Why not say to yourself, gosh this just means I look more like a man now. I know 30 year olds who don't shave their beard because they don't want to look like a child, and they are in the opposite predicament. Realize that it's just a thought, and like any thought you don't have to buy into what it's telling you and what it's worrying about. You did 5 min of activity, good. Next time do 5 too. Do 5 mins of intense activity everyday for a week, and then add a minute next week.

    What good does thinking of 'premature aging' and 'im so weak compared to when i was 10 years old' do you? Has it done you any good? Has it added to your life? Has it made you happier, given you motivation and made your life more fulfilling? If so, yes continue. If not, why are you letting your thoughts destroy your life. Why do you give them such credibility. Thoughts come and go. You don't have to engage with them so strongly.

    This is the best advice I can give you. If you take this advice to heart and really put it to work, it'll work. If you don't, I wouldn't be surprised to see you 4 years from now heading in the same direction. Because it is not your thoughts that guide your action, but where you choose to put your attention. Which thoughts you give credibility and power to. Which ones are prominent in your mind.
     
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