Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 18

    I was watching a YouTube video and I realised that the creator often puts his creation into this situations which bring the creation closer to him. I feel that the last 10 months I have remembered the creator so much that I did not in the last 20 yrs. I m glad that i realised that i was on I was living a sinful life( not thatvi dont son now, but comparitively less). I knowagain I shall be very stupid and be here complaining but that is also a part of me. May the almighty listen to my prayers and put me in a better situation

    Ameen!
     
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 20

    Last 3 nights have been terrible. I don't getting sleep much. I popped one clonazepam 0.5 mg today in the morning and somehow passed on subconsciously. Strangely dream came I went to a certain place where wine was served there were women and they called on me I was feeling happy. At the same time I realised I lost my no gap count. But there was no wet dream.my brother called me and I woke up. But the strange thing is why did I dream of finding myself at a place where women and wine both were there. I had not drank it by this time. Yes once in a while I thought people drink because they are stressed out. But I never intended to drink. It's forbidden.
     
  3. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

    I have had lots of wild dreams since the start of my reboot , they are normal , don't worry about them
     
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 23

    Writing just to keep a count. Yesterday too I couldn't sleep despite of taking clonazepam 0.5mg. so took 2 pills and fell asleep. It's very disgusting to know that when I wake up almost everybody in my home have already started their chores.
     
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 24

    I had some urges today. I got erect while leisurely lying on the bed. But those erections where nothing compared to what I got some 2-3 yes back. Varun had some advices for me I shall put them to use soon.
     
  6. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 27

    No signs of wet dream. I kind of feel low. I miss those excitement days I have a 7 day vacation but you know that kick that I had some yrs back I seriously miss it.
     
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 30

    I went for some random walk this morning with my relatives there I somehow convinced my self to run 200m at a stretch and put in all my energy. I could keep up with my brother till the finish but now every inch of my body is aching. This aching was never there before. My body is taking more time to recover from this kind of things. The moment I did 200 m my heart was racing like anything I couldn't keep calm for like another 5-10 mins. This is very strange.
     
  8. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 32

    My body is still aching and have not recovered from that exhaustion. I have my internal exams from Monday. I still cannot concentrate. I wish the almighty puts everything in place. You never know when the best times of your life might turn into the worst.
     
  9. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 33

    I stumbled across a video on the character of joker played by heath ledger I read he died due to accidental overdose of prescription medicine. He also had insomnia. I m worried will this clonazepam shall also land me there. My back is always paining. My knees crack so loudly the ones moving around turn back and see. Same is with every joint and bone. What am I facing I have no idea
     
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 34

    I seek repentance from the lord for all wrong that I have done previously. Perhaps the only way left is to ask your lord. May he ease my difficulties.
    Aameen.
     
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 35

    I kind of feel very upset just coming and writing about my insomnia and tiredness everyday. But that is how it is. My exams are on my head and seriously speaking studying becomes a hell of a task. I cannot concentrate my mind always run around things like will I ever sleep properly,will I ever enjoy life. Will I ever get a good erection to satisfy my life, can the life be like how it used to be 3-4 yrs back . Can my sunken eyes become normal again.

    Also I developed this social anxiety since I got to know about I was PMO addict. Since then I feel not talking to people. Perhaps they might judge from my old looks .This has hampered my confidence a lot. I just pray to the almighty that he puts everything in place for me .

    Aameen
     
  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 38

    One of my friends made fun of me stating that I look like an uncle. Incidents like this worry me a lot. I hope I shall channelise this agony and pain in a better manner. But when one makes a mockery of me I feel very underconfident and feel that I can't even get a job because I don't look young unlike others. How should I overcome this?
     
  13. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

    Looks dont matter much in interviews , specially in technical and government job interviews , so no need to worry about that . Why do you think you look old ?
    Means what are the specific things in your face that makes you look aged?
     
    Mickeymouse likes this.
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I don't know as I said my face is dull. I have sunken eyes. I am already half bald. One can make out that from my face that I am like 30 -33. People have occassionally thought also that i am too old
     
  15. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    My skin has also become hard. Sometimes my facial hair also fall if I gently pull them. I have a lot of dark spots on my face. I have this certain wrinkles on my face. Also I am not feeling any kind of libido on general .
     
  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 39


    I simple do not have the energy to function out anything properly. I have back ache. My joints are still cracking and snapping. I feel quitting pmo can't solely help. What can be the possible condition. Previously atleast I could masturbate. Now I can't even think of doing that the tiredness and pains shall escalate if I choose to do that. I have no option than to continue nofap. It would have been grt had I fought the urges and did nofap. But I have had hardly any urge to do masturbate. I am always contemplating what's wrong with me. Which doctor can give me the proper advice? I mean a psychiatrist or a general physician or an endocrinologist etc? I cannot bear this anymore. I am not even 21 but feel like an old man. Im in a compete mess. Also to mention its almost 40 days but no sign of wet dream.
     
  17. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 40


    No wet dream as yet. I m fed up of this life. Healing is not showing any signs. I still have this tendency to wake up in the middle of the night. I wonder what had gone wrong that I am at this place today. The only thing left in my hand is hope.
     
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I had an exam today it was like computer lab exam where I messed up things. My brain is drained so is my body. I have A very bad viva. My teacher mocked me. Things were his till 1-1.5 yrs back I was performing nice. But not now.
     
  19. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

    I am on day 37 of my reboot , and I just had a single wet dream .
     
  20. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 41

    No wet dream as yet. Is my clonazepam 0.5 mg that I take to sleep to blame? Still the pennis is small. No erections whatsoever except for some occassions while lying on the bed. I m having a horrible time. The sound of cracking is making other turn and look for what just made the noise. My knee joints are especially making those noises. Other joints too crack but not with that intensity.
     

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