Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 2

    I relapsed a couple of days back. But don't write at the forum. But after completing 2 days again I got a thought of PMoIng so again came back here to write and remind why am I doing this
     
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 0 Relapsed.

    I lost again. I was feeling very empty and tired I don't know what it is called .Then I did it. Strangely I don't feel tired rite now. It's 15 mins since I PMOed .I don't know why .Perhaps the tiredness will return after some hrs. Man everything will end I feel energetic. I shall use that energy to work on different exams that can get me job.
     
  3. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Feeling the insomnia again. Generally when I don't masturbate 0.5 mg of clonazepam is enough for me to fall asleep. But since I relapsed today I need more of it. Let's hope inshallah this time I am going to get it longer.
     
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 0 lost again.

     
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 2

    I had an exam today almost 11 lakhs appeared for the exam (1.1million) and the number of vacancies (jobs) were just 700. Competition in India is insane. Any how there were women there too but I don't feel any arousal. I must feel this arousal. I know as a pious man I should not be speaking this. But it's natural and it's not happening. I don't have HOCD. But I am stuck to find out why this natural process of arousal is not happening with me. I need to use my hand and imagine something sexual to get erect. I come easily I don't even last for a min to PMO. I wonder will it ever improve.
     
  6. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 5


    Inshallah going to take this journey too far. How to make a good jaw line?
     
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 6

    Perhaps one of the most worst days ever in my life. Generally today and tomorrow has to be observed as fast days in my religion. In my condition I simply cannot keep one as I take tablet to sleep at night and if somebody wakes me up I LL have to take another tablet to fall asleep so I cannot have my pre fast meal early morning. My father after a general conversation with his sister told me that his sister's children all kept the fast. But I did not. I have already told my father I have isomnia. They still believe that it's spiritual thing. I am fed up. I question the whole process . It's like dying is a better option for me. I had a great sleep 2 yrs back this insomnia slowly took over me. On top of it my old age appearance I skilling my confidence. I feel good some times but after this conversation with parents I literally feel like doing a suicide. I know a lot of guys who did the same masturbation and are still happy in their lives. But why me ? Has the overmasturbation landed me in this vicious circle of insomnia?

     
  8. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I never smoked or had any other addictions. I just masturbated for 3 yrs on simple imagination followed by 3 yrs of some approx porn use.
     
  9. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I have rarely had any erection to any real time girl in the last 1 yr. I never attempted sex. It's forbidden for me to do such act before marriage. My pennis used to be all well till 3 yrs back it used to stand up under some situations. But it simply doesnt. Yes I ahve erections but that is very rare. My bones and joints still crack and pop. Basically I am the Same person what I was 3-4 months back. I often feel like an old man. I know a friend who still does the thing and sleeps quite a good sleep and lives a normal life. But why me?
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2018
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 7

    Slept for like 4 hrs. I don't know who will I manage today.
     
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 9

    Smooth sailing. Sleep issues still persistent. The problem is when you realise the problem you don't really understand the scale of improvement. Like for me how would I know I have improved myself. Anyways does no PMO lead to fat loss?
     
  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Yes you are right. But I would give this all a less thought the moment I get good sleep. I feel tired after waking up. My bones always crack. I just think these are symptoms of old age. And I am just 20.5yrs. btw you give me a hope everytime you write.
     
  13. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 11

    I don't believe I m going to heal like everyday and observe those things. I m not sure whether I will be able to heal or not . But the journey has to continue. I got a pimple today. I completed my teenage . I never had one in my teenage. Now I a having it. Is there any relation between pimple and nofap. On previous streaks too I had them
     
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I just had a brief conversation with my parents I was a bit frustrated so was evident from my body language. My parents were so concerned with my behaviour. How will somebody answer patiently when he has not slept nicely last night. Why don't they understand how everyday a hundred times I feel that my pennis cannot get erect. I can't even tell them all of this . And then they tell me clonazepam 0.5 mg that I am taking I doing to have bad effects in the future .I cannot sleep without that. My tomorrow will be worse with immense tiredness if I din't sleep the previous night. What mother fucking life is this .everything was is place 2 yrs back now this shit.
     
  15. RebornAgain

    RebornAgain Beating my addiction one day at a time.. Staff Member

    Hey Mickey,
    Have you ever gotten a full thyroid panel blood test from your doctor?

    Check that out if you get the chance.

    Test for TSH, TSI (antibodies), free T3, total T3, free T4, total T4
     
  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    I got my TSH and some other thyroids done 6 months back and they were perfectly normal.
     
  17. RebornAgain

    RebornAgain Beating my addiction one day at a time.. Staff Member

    What other thyroid testing besides TSH?
     
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 13

    Completed. Just writing to have the count.
     
  19. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 17

    I m happy and sad both. I pushed myself and somehow walked 4.7kms which I generally did on my bike. But still with that accomplishment and tiredness in the body also I cannot sleep. I lt took almost 50 mins of normal walking to complete the distance. Pls pray that my life improves.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2018
  20. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

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