Odyssey of a 20 yr old.( Regular update)daywise journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mickeymouse, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed Day 0

    Lost. The reason being leakage due to mild sexual excitement. My mind played a trick with me. It said look leakage has anyhow happened why not fap again. I m feeling sorry for myself. Will try again. I m sure this shall not be a difficult task.
     
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 1

    I m upset. A relative of mine commented on me while speaking to my father and I quote " he looks very black now, he used to be quite fair back then". I was really upset with this. I was somehow throwing out the inhibition of the prematurely aged look that I have by attending social gatherings and then this gentleman made this comment. My day started very well actually I went to a small lake and enjoyed the weather there ran for like 1.3km( not in a single go) then came back home did some hard toil of home maintanence. Went to Walmart to bring some of the stuff. But after this humiliation I felt like is there anything that I can do to improve my aged look. I don't think I can do much about it. But one thing that can surely keep away such people speaking something offending is by acheiving something in life. Kindly pray for me that I clear the job interview that I have next month.
     
  3. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed Day 0

    Lost to fantasy that I did after becoming slightly tensed over some petty issue.
     
  4. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 1

    I dint go for the clg today. So plenty of time and occasionally my mind was trying to fantasise. Once I abstain for a good time that fantasy shall be ok. The only problem I still face is insomnia and premature aging.
     
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 3

    Yesterday was a difficult day in terms of craving and also general. A stranger questioned me about my age i told him 20.5 yrs he was dumbstruck. He asked oh really? . That made me sad. That kills my confidence. Such instances pull me down. Anyhow i have to live with the same appearance so cant help. Also my chest hair have become very weak the momemt i pluck them gently a lot of them come out.
     
  6. varunsharma

    varunsharma Member

    the same is with my chest hairs as well .
     
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed Day 0

    I feel sorry for myself. Relapsed when i was not able to fall asleep. I make genuine tauba now and shall try to be away from it. Sleep is the ultimate thing. If i get that nothing shall be a challenge.
     
  8. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 2


    No urges. Slept for like 1.5 hrs in rhe day and felt grt.
     
  9. APA

    APA Member

    aoa Mickey whatsup with your sleep issue. Do you suffer from insomnia or depression. I used to have sleep problems and was not able to sleep when i went through a depression 6 years ago .
     
  10. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Wasalm APA. I have no idea as to whether i have depression now. But i am ceratin that i had and still have insomnia. Although when i went to psychiatrist gave some medicines and told me it is depression. But i dont feel i have the same intense symptoms of sadness now. Initially it was very disgusting to know that i had ed. Perhaps that and overthinking about my ohysical appsarance caused soo.
     
  11. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 4

    A little of craving for the thing. But these cravings are not accompanied with errctions.
     
  12. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 6

    No urges. I was downloading a torrent file when some random porn pop came up i did not feel any urge to open. I simply closed. Previously like 2-3 yrs back if the same thing happened i would have defienetely got an erection. Also yesteday i had to labour very hard to push my bike to the mechanic for like 700m that too on a hilly terrain. I was tired like hell having heavy breath. But generally when i become such tired i could easily fall asleep . But since a year this is not happening. I dont enjoy sleeping. At the same time i must not deny that i have also felt benefits of no fap like i can remember where i kept things last night.
     
  13. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed Day 0

    The streak was of just 7 days. Lost to fantasy. When i feel tensed that i might have ed i again go back to pmo.
     
  14. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed day 0
     
  15. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Day 1

    It was eid here. I did quite some good physical work travelling to various relatives to cleaning up the house etc. I m tired but i dont feel sleepy which i should. I need rest but i dont understand why my body is not falling asleep. Kindly pray for my recovery.
     
  16. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed day 0

    Lost to morning fantasy.
     
  17. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Relapsed day 0.



    This is going to be the last relapse for a good time. I cannot simply afford it. I have to clr the campus interview. Pls pray that i stick to no fap. I can certainly do it i have already done 150 days.
     
  18. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    What was the reason behind depression? Could you pls tell me if you dont mind.
     
  19. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Man i cannot keep this journal on a lie and must admit that i lost it today too. But no regrets. Lets start again.
     
  20. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Member

    Also to tell you raskolnikov that i look very old from my face. Will this ever heal back. I have seen poeple go bald but they still look quite young. But not me. Yesterday i feel asleep at 2 am in the nighy and woke up at 6.30am. I feel tired yet not feeling sleepy or that need of going to bed to take rest.
     

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