I stopped masturbating to porn for about 2 weeks straight, and it felt incredible. My confidence, self esteem, decision making, focus, and other aspects of my life went up. I fell off when I went for a regular full body massage on Aug 10th because I recently experienced a lower back injury. It did help with my injury, but my body was craving for intimacy. I ended up blasting a big load that night, and blasted every other night until Sunday morning. The subsequent blasts was due to anxiety triggers that happened during the same weekend. However, after the blasts, my focus and mood went down, and other benefits of not masturbating went down as well. Day 0 was yesterday, and today is day 1 and I can feel it build again and woke up 645 am and feeling energized, went to the gym, and had a productive day overall. The next couple of days, I'll be removing things that will entice me to masturbate to porn. remove porn bookmarks remove nearby lubricants mute or remove social media accounts that is sexual in nature turn on website blocker for specific times most of the masturbation occurs in bed with the phone on ready, and not on a desktop The only time I'll ever blow my load is when I'll have sex as a reward for my hard work.
Day 2 - Last night I had urges, but resisted. I started looking at my past archives and actually saw a photo that had half naked woman with her breast exposed. At the gym, even though women are in their tights. I have quick glimpses but naturally refocus back on my workouts. Even to the point where I have to look up sometimes lol. It’s interesting how the mind works, and knows what it wants. Self discipline will get me to what I want. Hit the gym by 8 am, did few errands, meditated, and had appointment. Productive day.
Day 3 - I went on a date last night with a girl I met last week. We ended up having a multiple intense make out sessions throughout the night I can feel sex is around the corner, but I want to use my sexual energy to build myself. If I we're to have sex, I will have to work towards it by giving it a few weeks instead of doing it too early. And even though I had intense make out session with her, I didn’t have urges to fap last night when I went home. I just passed out lol. Woke up early today, met a friend, went to the gym after. Prepping my evening, and will be gyming again later in the evening. Gym 1: so many girls with tights today, especially one chick who literally had a killer body. But a few glimpses here and there, and just refocused in doing my workout. Make sure you have a goal in mind because if you don’t, you’ll be easily distracted and give in to whatever shows up nearby. And that is a shitty life to live in my opinion.
Day 4 - I had close encounter to release but luckily I talked myself out of it. Also had the urge this morning. I still wake up early and goto the gym, but that’s more of habit than the effects of retention. I hope to have the retention benefits between Day 7 - Day 10. Even though I've retained for 4 days, I feel like my sexual energy is running empty, and I feel my mood is low and experiencing low self esteem issues. There’s so much women everywhere, and realize as the days build, the sexual distraction just adds up, and I have to a strong urge to release by the end of the night. I went for lunch, and I can feel one of the girls who worked at the resto was attracted to me, we made a few strong eye contacts here and there.
Day 5 - I had few appointments today, I can be more productivity but it's Friday so I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I'm noticing my eye contact with people is starting to increase, especially when engaging with women. Also I'm willing to engage and communicate with women intuitively during the day. I'm also slowly sensing if women are attracted to me or not (especially yesterday). The urges to release isn't as strong as yesterday, but like emotion, it really depends on the stressors and sexual exposure that day.
Day 6 - I’m awake by 530 am this weekend, just laying bed. Tbh I get this FOMO where people are getting laid except me. I know this is true, but at the same time. It’s an excuse for my mind to release and wack off. No way! Just a few seconds of bliss and needing a full week to build again. Not going to happen. I also think I have a strong urge to release is because I’ve been interacting with 2 women last night. One added me in social media, and the other matched through an app. Out of the 2, I’ll be going on a date with one this weekend.
Day 7 - I went to a full day event yesterday, and there was handful of attractive women. A few interactions with women in person or social media during the day. Last night I had a vivid sexual dream with 5 women in the bed, and I was in doing sexual poses with them. It’s interesting how my high sexual exposure during the day/week leads to strong urges subconsciously. I haven’t released last night because I was too tired. But this morning, urges to release was strong. But luckily I didn’t do it. Tbh I don’t feel confident, I feel low self esteem, I feel inadequate like I’m doing something wrong because I’m not getting laid. It’s insane how many days and months I don’t get laid and I feel I am missing out. I’m a fairly handsome guy (I am humble person, but I get complements from others about my looks), I’m living my prime, but I feel I’m wasting days/months without sex. I need sex, it’s fundamental human need. But when it’s not fulfilled, I feel inadequate and not feel good enough about myself. All I can do right now is work on myself by going to the gym, eating right, and doing things to become better. That’s all I can do for now.
Day 0 - I completely bombed today. I was suppose to go on a date today with another chick, but we ended up talking about shit cuz she is looking for a seriously relationship and asked me what my intentions are, I was upfront with her and I told her I like something casual. I fell into her game by being too honest about my intentions with her because I don’t like to lie. And when I made it clear with her, she started to pour out her frustrations about her past relationships. Even when we had our chat, I can tell she’s still interested in me by continuing with the date, but a few hrs after, she ended up cancelling. We plan to reschedule, but that turned me off completely. While that was happening, I messaged another chick, to see what she’s up to, and she’s busy for the week due to exams. But that’s just a code word for not interested after the 1st date. The amount of sexual exposure and sexual frustration this week resulted in me in releasing 2x today. I feel so frustrated in being me and my ability to not close women. They are initially attracted to me, but there’s something they see in me that is unattractive. I also need to remove dating apps as they are an absolute distraction. But it kills me that I feel lonely and lack intimacy. I feel envious of those dudes who just get women with a snap of a finger. And when it comes to my turn, I just fumble and fall. Again and again. In all honesty, I hate dating, it’s a waste of money and is distracting me from my goal. This is driving me crazy
Day 1 - I had a good chat with a friend The chick who I texted who has an exam, we’ll be hanging out after her exam is done I’m talking to another chick and we’ll see how that goes. I don’t expect anything from these convos, but it just allows me to fight the lack of intimacy and loneliness. It sucks having to go out in public, and seeing people have intimate moments while I’m just putting in the work and not getting any form of reward for my hard work. It’s great to just chill out sometimes. Also, I haven’t been dating a while since I last broke up from a serious relationships last year. So chatting with chicks keeps my grounded and sharpens my ability to talk to women vs isolating myself. I don’t have urges to release today, which is good. I notice my urges to release is when the sexual exposure builds up overtime, and something triggering happens. And being in my room doesn’t help. I need to go outside for a walk when the strong urge to release happens again.
Day 2 - I had strong urges in the morning, but I had to get out of bed right away. Went to the gym. Had a chance to make strong eye contact with a chick at the park, as we did see each other. But I looked away first as I was texting someone. It’s those critical moments and when you least expected, so always be ready in some way.
Day 3 - I wasn’t in my best mood today, depressed tbh. It’s my lack of consistent sleep, but I went to the gym regardless. I was so exhausted, I didn’t want to do my workouts. But I want to change so bad, that I did it anyway. These 2 attractive girls started working out next to me, I was like “fk” talk about timing. I notice the best times to talk to girls are the least unexpected times. Today I was so gassed, I don’t think I had good facial expressions. I just looked away and couldn’t be bothered today. I find it interesting they came back again to do another workout, just when I’m finish my set again. I notice girls tend to gravitate towards me, but I have such low self esteem and confidence that I don’t bother to approach women sometimes. Knowing they give you signs to approach them. Also talking to another chick. Tbh I hate dating and I hating talking to girls for the sake of not being lonely. I would rather be with a chick that I can connect and have a good time with. I’m so sick and tired of talking to different girls. It’s the same crap everything time but different person. There’s no sense of consistency, and tbh such a waste of money, time, and energy.
Day 4 - Women can feel me… I was at the office today, and one of the chicks (we usually have our chats, but I can feel attraction from her) went up to me and offered me ice cream. Unfortunately they offered the ice cream I couldn’t eat, and I had to deny it. I was about to leave, and she offered me some fruits before I left, I had this very non-chalant behaviour, damn she wanted me. I was waiting for transit, and hopped on the bus. I made eye contact with a curvy woman in front of me. And she went up close to me, and made signals for me to approach her. I wasn’t in the mood to open up because I had a pretty moody day. But damn, this just proves they can smell my sexual energy. I started talking to this other girl, we chatted on the phone, and I was very smooth in the way I talked. Very calm, patient, and went one convo to the next. We agreed to meet up next week. The chick I had a heavy make out session last week, we plan to meet again next week as well. With this one, our sexual energy is building up like crazy. And we can’t wait to see each other. I feel my confidence, esteem, and sexual energy is slowly building. Interesting, I’m looking at my past entries and Day 4 that’s when women are starting to smell my sexual energy.
Day 5 - I’m pretty exhausted throughout the day. My lack of sleep and inconsistent eating is getting the best of me. I chatted with a chick today, and I was very calm, cool, and collected. We just talked whatever, and our conversation flowed well. In all honesty, as much as self discipline is key. Talking to women keeps my knife sharp. The way I talk, I deliver, and the topics. When I first started dating a month ago, I was so needy it wasn’t even funny. But talking to a few women makes me feel comfortable. I don’t plan to PMO anytime soon, but if sex does happen within the 2 weeks. I’ll be okay with that.
Day 6 - Went to the gym, and had few appointments today. I went on a date. My energy and convo flowed well with my date, and we had a great time. From restaurant to fun activities. I find it interesting how the attraction was so strong, that we ended up having our first kiss in public while waiting for our drinks. Actually our drinks was waiting for us because we we’re too busy having a good convo and making out. What I found interesting is she complimented on my overall vibe. She found it very attractive. Fortunately I’m on Day 6, usually Day 4 my overall flow of energy is pretty good. We’ll see what happens by Day 14. Also another lesson, if the convo doesn’t flow with your date, it’s not worth the time and energy to go further. You need a sense of attraction and flow with your date to make it a good one. Your date also needs to put the effort as well into the convo, it cannot be one sided. No matter how attractive they are.
Day 7 - My mood has been low lately, and I'm up later than usual. My sleep isn't great, and just living day by day right now. I went for a walk in public today, and my body language is pretty smooth. I have this non nonchalant vibe when walking, and I have these strides that scream masculinity. I have this sense of abundance in me. When things are well stocked in your life, you're not chasing, you're just chilling, people can feel it, and people want a piece of it. Especially women. And if you want abundance, I can 100% tell you that PMO IS NOT THE ANSWER. In fact, it will derail you from experiencing abundance. There are certain points when I'm walking in public, there were times where women showed interest: - touching/waving their hair when they see me - direct eye contact (you need to catch them at the right time, I can tell they are checking me out at times) Overall, my sexual energy feels good. I was close to PMO this morning, due to having multiple make out sessions yesterday. But what stopped me was thinking about the benefits of not PMO and also if I were to release, it would need to be from sex. It's all about being non nonchalant and having to slowly guide her to experiencing bliss.
- sexual energy - conversation flow - strong body language - women can smell you (attractive) - eye contact Please keep in mind that you’re taking care of yourself as well and don’t act/dress like a slob. There’s a few more, but as you continue with the days, they do compound and become stronger
Day 8 - pretty typical day, didn’t goto the gym, I had to deal with car issues. But I did complete other stuff what I intend to do today so that’s good. I’m easily checking out women very quickly and snap back to focus… but what I check out is their eyes… and I feel I’m in the moment when I do it. I don’t feel shame doing it. Usually if I did PMO, I have this weird non in the moment check… like I’m not clear what I’m checking out lol… and look away shamefully. Which is pretty pathetic way to live tbh. If you’re going to check something, check with confidence. Not try to hide it. But since I’m day 8, when I check someone out, I’m very clear what I’m checking out. Urges to PMO but didn’t. I also notice that I may experience sexual frustration by end of today or by tomorrow. Which may lead me to PMO. So I’ll be mindful of my emotions and stressors for the next few days.
Day 9 - I was very close to PMO last night, and watched a softcore video that was nostalgic. But I didn't PMO. I knew the consequences of PMO'ing, that's what stopped me. I notice I've been laser focused when women are nearby me. I was at the gym yesterday, and when I entered the gym floor, me and this younger woman locked eyes. She disengaged first, I did my warm up, while she was doing her lifts. About 15 mins into my warm up, she went up to me, and asked me if I wanted to lift next. We made small chat, because I was focused in my workouts, but I knew it was on. Then when I moved to another area of the room, she went to up to me again, and asked if I was done with my bench. Even though my sleep isn't the best and my is mood is low. I have this innate energy to get this things done, my priorities and actions are on point. Also my eye contact is getting stronger and I'm willing to stay locked in conversation vs me trying to avoid conversation. That's very interesting, she smelled my sexual energy to the point where she directly communicate with me, not once, but twice.
Hey brother, I urge you stay strong. You look like you have things figured out, but definitely be mindful. Even looking at softcore stuff can be a slippery slope. I'm speaking from personal experience. Keep fighting. You've got this!
