Nofap Hard Mode untill a Serious Relationship

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Deleted User, Aug 4, 2021.

  1. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Day 1

    Hello, My name is Reyaan Ali. I got addicted to pornography when I was a 14 year old kid. I am 28 now. Almost 3 years ago I came across a video by Gary Wilson on YouTube. That video blew my mind and finally I was able to understand my depression and ED. Porn addiction gave me Depression, Anxiety and Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.

    In last 2 and half years my porn addiction has almost gone but still I relapse here and there which is an indication that I need to take this more seriously. I still suffer from PIED and low arousal/sex drive. I still suffer from crippling anxiety time to time. I am also addicted to Cigarettes and Smoke weed sometimes. I rarely drink alcohol.

    In last 3 years I visited prostitutes to rewire my brain to the real thing and cure my PIED. To be very honest it was a very bad idea. It made me worse than PMO relapse. I am not religious at all but still it felt wrong every time.

    Last 1 month has been very difficult for me. And on 26th July I ended up visiting a brothel after 4 months of not visiting there.
    Long story short, I used 50 mg sildenafil, a dick pill. When I was there with a girl for an hour she asked me to smoke weed with her. I did so. So, basically I had sex with her twice after getting high in an hour. Than I came out and waited almost 45 minutes while smoking cigarettes like crazy. Then I went in that same room with another girl for half hour. I came out and waited another half hour there sitting on the couch and went in that same room with another girl for another half hour. After having sex with 3 different girls the owner of that brothel was still asking me to go with another round with another girl but I said another time and paid him the money and came home. I was thinking to myself what am I doing with my life!
    How is this any different than PMOing!
    Am I doing this because I am depressed, bored, have no life? Or am I doing this because I do not know what else I could do!
    Anyways, 3 Days after that crazy incident on 29th July 2021 It was raining cats and dogs, it was almost 11:30am, I had no work. All alone at home. Getting really really bored and feeling very low with my life. Suddenly those encounters at brothel started to come up in my head like an urge. My mind was just thinking about that girl with whom I had sex the second time. I was so into my head that I decided to book a cab and visit there again. I did that. I went in with her for an hour and when I was having sex with her with the help of a dick pill of course, I realised how fucked up I was. I relised for last 3 years on and off I was using prostitutes as a substitute for PMO. There was no love and no real emotional attachment here. It was a lesson for me that I should have learned earlier.

    When I came home in the evening I was really clueless of what is the purpose of life. Meaningless Sex, Drugs and Depression? Is this my life? Am I going to live like this for the rest of my life? I got so low from that day that my smoking has sky rocketed and have been smoking cannabis in the evening every other day. And out of despair I have PMOed 3 times since yesterday.

    Finally, I was able to gather enough energy to clean my room and get a good bath in the noon today.

    And today at 01:13pm 04.August.2021 I decided to quit Cigarettes and never do any drugs for the rest of my life and of course No Prostitute and No PMO, basically Nofap Hard Mode untill a serious relationship.

    I know this is a big decision and it's not going to be easy. I know my mood will play tricks on me sooner or later. I have to stay aware of my behavior to stop myself from making any silly mistakes.

    To cope with anxiety and low mood I have started to meditate and I am planning to start regular Exercise as well.

    I am starting this journal to motivate myself and stay accountable. Taking this one day at a time.

    Thank you for reading!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2021
  2. Daumantas Šarka

    Daumantas Šarka New Member

    So rebooting didint helped you after 3 years? still low libido and PIED no succesfull sex with no pills?
  3. johnnylea

    johnnylea Member

    Starting to exercise and meditate seem really great steps forward, I could be assuming here purely from what I’ve read and forgive me if I’m wrong, but it seems your boredom comes from a lack of activity or hobbies. Do you have a social circle to also mix with to also help keep you busy?

    so you visited sex workers, it’s no big deal. You shouldn’t beat yourself up or judge yourself. The body has a desire to be sexually active and your acting upon that. Guilt and shame is only going to amplify this thing, whatever you resist will persist. It’s happened, you acted in your own interest to rewire which is good, it didn’t quite live up to expectation but learning from it and moving forward is where you go from here.

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