Nofap Hard Mode 180 days Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Recovering soul, Jan 1, 2021.

  1. Recovering soul

    Recovering soul New Member

    Day-1:

    I have prepared a master plan to finally completely remove this addiction from my life. I have many videos, books, articles and audio programmes which I will follow religiously on daily basis.

    I have made it my number one life goal.

    Day-2:

    Didnt wake up as planned, worked all day but there was no productivity, had slight brain fog. Accidently saw porn pics on Qoura which suddenly triggered me to show porn to co-passenger in auto. Recurring thoughts of ex gf whenever mind got free. I feel as the day pass I'll start to thing more for her but I am also sure it will pass within 2-3 months.

    Overall day went better

    Day-3:

    Wasted entire day for passport verification and had to bear shit from a dumbass policemen. Zero productivity for the day. Very bad mood since the incidence.

    Day-4:

    Still looking, hitting on girls for sexual purpose. Offering myself to anyone showing interest. Emotions for ex GF. Zero productivity.

    Update for day - 5, 6 & 7 on 9th day:

    I once again caught stomach flue , very bad this time which was getting unmanageable hence I searched porn star names on Youtube & on Browser, also watched twerking videos to ease my pain. However, this peeking to lessen the intensity of physical or emotional pain is the sure shot way to relapse. Hence, going forward, I will not peek on twerking videos and search porn stars names whatever may be the situation. Otherwise brain will use this state to relapse.

    Day - 10 & 11:

    I have gain a complete understanding of my addiction and unwanted desires of casual sex or a relationship. I have started to be all by myself and have started resisting calling Ex or searching for sex/casual relationship everywhere. Today, there was 2-3 urges which I managed easily.

    Day - 12:

    Got early, did running, exercise in Gym, Meditation, Cold Shower & Diet, very good start of the day but remained unproductive. Brain fog & Depression lifted, little more open to people but slipped with Ex GF. did same supplication, offered buying things & said always available. Over all a better day.

    Day - 13 & 14:

    Skipped Gym today due fog and slept back, which I should not have done. Skipped diet, meditation and exercise as well. I have been obsessively chasing relationship/casual sex/intimacy for the last few days. Whereas I had made myself clear that I would not look for relationship/Casual Sex/Intimacy etc. Starting now, I am putting myself back on track and giving up looking for, staring, hoping , entertaining the idea of making girlfriend out of strangers on the road.

    Day - 15, 16, 17 & 18 :

    One bad thing which I am doing is skipping my regular update here, which takes my focus away from the streak and leads to odd sexual behaviors which later leads to relapse. I will update this thread every now onwards. I stood up for myself recently and risked loosing the girl/friend and it felt good. I will no longer take shit from people. I will be building a strong body starting 20th and will start working towards a new different career option.

    Day - 19 : My confidence has increased and brain fog has lessened, Energy level is also up. I have entered in the SEE-SAW phase of recovery where in I will get new positive benefits followed by unbearable horniness and depression. I am ready to deal with this situation and completely aware of it.

    Day-20 : I did a weird thing today, chased girls in metro back & Forth, It was this same sexual addiction in a different form. I did not even see their faces, I just stared their legs, hips and body parts and I got pulled towards those girls. I see how years of porn/Sex addiction has eroded my self-control and will power. I miss gf or obsessed about her only because my brain craves that opioids rush, that blasting of pleasure chemicals and other psychological benefits. I know for sure that I don't love her, Hell, I don't even like her, I just want to use her body to satisfy my sexual addiction cravings. I do not care about her as a person, as a human being, whether she has problems or she maybe suffering, All I care is to get sex from her. Now that I have understood my issues, I will refrain from having sex with her.

    Withdrawal lethargy continues, sexual flashbacks an fantasy, blueball in left testical
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2021 at 10:27 AM

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