No more porn, forever.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by argus, Mar 30, 2012.

  1. argus

    argus New Member

    33 yo husband with gorgeous wife but addicted to porn for 18 years.
    Started with mild stuff, magazines then went up to kinky stuff.
    Used to PMO daily at least once, more often 3 times up to 5 times.
    Having porn ED for at least few years, can't remember exactly...
    Have to think about porn when having sex with my wife. she doesn't know anything about me and my porn addiction.
    When using condom, it's hard to put it on because dick is semi-errect.
    When PMO, it is usualy with a 60-70% erection. Have to think about porn 95% of time when wanking, only rarely fantasising about real girls. Orgasms are unsatisfying.
    Sex feels plain, but it is not that bad when it happens, she does reaches orgasm but it is dull and kinda borring ,and i can go easily 3-4 weeks without it. It affected our life, it is driving us appart, and we talked pretty much about divorce; however, the issue doesn't seems to be my ED, she is not complaining very much about missing sex.
    I am sick and tired of being this kind of man. I feel empty and dull after MO. Sometimes I can't even remember how I reached a porn site, I only find myself browsing.

    So, wednesday was the last time I PMO'd; I guess 3 times, maybe?
    Thursday morning I found about yourbrainonporn and decided to change. For good. Out with porn from my life forever. It will be real sex with a real person, or nothing.

    Day 1 29.03.2012
    -vague urges to PMO, evening semmierections, avoided sex with wife.

    Day 2 30.03.2012
    -no morning wood, flat dick most of the time, maybe some moments of thinking about porn from time to time ( tried to cut it away as soon as realized), some fantasies with girls from work. Mostly feel no urge to PMO or MO, seems very manageable at this time.
     
  2. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Sorry to hear that this is provoking problems in your marriage. The good news is, if you just go through with the reboot, you'll be cool in the end. There are quite a few married guys on this site who can probably advise you best how to deal with this as it relates to your marriage. Good luck.
     
  3. Rob4Hope

    Rob4Hope Guest

    Be gentle with yourself if you relaps with the MO. That should NOT be an excuse to justify things, but I believe it is necessary if you want to make progress. Peraps others are better at this re-boot thing than I am, but the truth is many people relapse. That is NOT the end of the process,...it just means "we are learning".

    I commend you for your commitment and desire. I am also married, and in my situation, the rejections I get from my wife for sex hurt. I have chosen to have psudo-affairs with porn to deal with feeling rejected from my wife.

    Unfortunately, in my case, my noddle decided to shrink so small I have to get a fuckin pair of tweezers to piss in the morning!

    Thanks goodness for the YBOP site and the fact that this is ALL related to PMO issues and blasting my brain with "happy" drugs.

    Please keep posting. Your story helps me, and I hope you all the best. Keep going!
     
  4. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Older, married here, with ED....on day 23 of reboot.

    Congratulations in taking this step. I'm only a bit ahead of you, but I believe getting this poison out of our brains is a very, very significant event.

    Stay strong.
     
  5. argus

    argus New Member

    thanks guys,

    so far, i am on day 3, had mild urges to MO today, but funny thing, mostly with real girls and even ex'es and less with porn. it seems quite ok so far, should I expect things to get harder in the long run?

    And one more thing : if i have sex with my wife while doing my reboot, will it significantly impair my recovery? I have to keep in mind that it might take a few months to be completly free considering the lenght of my addiction, so it will be quite impossible to avoid sex that much time ;D
     
  6. gb0138

    gb0138 Guest

    I am in a similar situation as you but with a few years on you. P and M has definitely affected my marriage for the worse. I had to hide my E.D. by claiming weight, to depression to just getting older. When in reality it was the video P and M that caused it all the time. You will recover in time and you will be living life fully and have your beautiful wife back in a sack in short order. Keep the faith that a reboot will work for you.
     
  7. argus

    argus New Member

    day 4
    -had sex with my wife :p
    i had 85 % errection, there is room for more but it stayed hard all the time.
    There were some moments when porn scenarios came into my mind, but I quickly rejected them; I think this is because of some automatism going on, after all those years of PMO...
    Bottom line, it wasn't bad but also, it wasn't my best ...

    I don't worry if it's gonna take longer to reboot if I keep my sexual life going, as long as it is going to work in the end.

    Or should I try to have sex as little as possible for a few months ?
     
  8. 00Schneider

    00Schneider New Member

    That is a difficult question and I think the only person who could give you the right answer is your wife, maybe an open talk between you two about your problems is a major step ahead for you.
     
  9. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Only you can figure that out. Maybe you need to see how it goes....if you can maintain your reboot while continuing to have relations with your wife, then no problem. If you find that you can't, then you have your answer.
     
  10. argus

    argus New Member

    day 5
    -can't really remember if i had my morning wood
    -started to have spontaneous errections in the afternoon, mostly because of scenarios involving real girls.
    -no significant urge to watch porn
    but
    -pretty big urges to have sex, to sexually dominate the woman (in a way that she enjoys, of course :) ).

    I was reading these forums lately and I'd like to define my targets in this process

    -Porn - never again as long as I live
    -Masturbation - never again as long as I live
    -Orgasm - no limit as long as it is with a real woman. ( Wet dreams- can't really control them, so I think it doesn't count)

    I want this to be a PERMANENT lifestyle change, not only a 90-120 days quest. It might take less or longer, I don't really care. My big concern is not to go back to the old habbits because it's hard.
    I want to fight this crap and kill it.
    I want to feel like The Man.
     
  11. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Excellent! If you maintain this attitude, you WILL succeed.

    Are we not men?!?
     
  12. Keep going man, you're still relatively young. You can change dude. I'd recommend you to talk about your addiction to your wife, because it will free you from a very big load you are dealing with. In my opinion, if you want to recover faster just try not to orgasm or limit them to once in a while.
     
  13. argus

    argus New Member

    thanx guys,
    I really appreciate your advices; however, I know my wife very well and I don't think it will bring a good vibe into my marriage if I confessed...being neglected in bed because her husband was a porn addict is not something she needs to hear right now.
    And if it's going to be only a few months to reboot, I'm pretty confident I can manage it on my own.

    Aside that, I kept myself busy the last part of the day, so I had to deal with less sexual thoughts.

    Babysteps, each day at a time.
     
  14. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    The consensus seems to be that abstaining from all O as well as P/M is the most effective method.

    However, if you are able to perform, it seems to me that sex with your wife should be OK, as long as it doesn't trigger overwhelming urgers to P/M/O (the "chaser" effect). I'd hope that the delay in the full reboot would be compensated by the reinforcement of the association between orgasm and real, healthy sex. It sounds like this is your situation.
    Just monitor it.

    As for talking about this with your wife, I am in a similar situation. My wife equates porn use with infidelity (something most men certainly do not). She knows I've PMO'd in the past, but she doesn't know about recent relapses. I hate to be dishonest, but the incremental gain in honesty produced by telling her would be outweighed by the negative effect. I need to SHOW her that I am her loving husband before I can tell her about the relapses.

    What I'm hoping is that after a few years of rebonding, I can be more forthcoming.

    This is part of what I hate about what this has done to me. But I honestly believe this strategy, if I succeed, is best for all.
     
  15. argus

    argus New Member

    day 6
    -most of the day zero libido but about 20 min of intense fantasising in the afternoon ( not porn, with real girl).
    -almost zero urges to watch porn
    sometimes, i feel like this is somehow too easy...will see in the long run.

    Don't quit fellows, power to you :) !!!
     
  16. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Argus, good for you that you're doing this for yourself and your wife.

    I am in a similar situation, and if I stopped having sex with my wife while rebooting it would be too obvious, since we have always had regular sex, and questions would arise. I have continued having sex with her, and I do not have any "chaser effect" or any downside from this that I can tell. In fact, overall the sex has been much better, although with some ups and downs.

    I have, however, stopped all porn and masturbation completely.

    You can read all about it in my journal if you want, but I just wanted to say, I think you can have sex with your wife without any negative side effects, and I too am not going to tell my wife anything about any of this.

    Good luck.
     
  17. Rob4Hope

    Rob4Hope Guest

    Hello Argus.... I commend you for working to fix things with your wife. WONDERFUL!,...and I wish you all the luck and success in the world.

    You asked earlier about having sex with your wife. Some of the posts indicate yes,..some no,...but all are "be careful".

    I have problems with the "chaser" affect. My wife came to visit me in my home a few days ago, she touched my shoulders and we kissed. One thing led to another, and eventually the bed bounced against the wall! It was wonderful!!!! Things still work... But, had problems that night with the "chaser" killing me. I awoke with "that feeling", and before I knew it, I was right back into PMO. Took about 3 min,...and 15 min later, was all over.

    So, the advice to "be careful" is really not just cliche. In my case I think I will have to lean toward abstinance,...complete abstinance. In my case as well, wife knows everything. She wants me back, but she can't have the PMO any more in my life. It dehumanizes her. I don't know if her knowing about this was the right choice,...but I can say that for me, having her support is making things better all around.
     
  18. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Rob, thanks for sharing the "other side of the coin."

    I'm glad that Argus gets to see alternative experiences with having sex with the wife.

    I would not want my experience to lead someone astray.

    But it's good to see that your wife is hanging in there with you.

    I'm sure having my wife's support would be wonderful. And I do believe she would support me 100% in this struggle, and be very understanding.

    But I would prefer that she not know. If I can do this without her knowledge, I would rather she never have to know the shameful behavior her husband was involved in. :( It makes me sad to write that but at the same time it gives me a little more resolve to succeed......
     
  19. argus

    argus New Member

    days 6-8
    -almost no temptation to watch porn
    -few times, I was thinking about MO to relieve the tension, but I kept my ballance and it slowly went away
    -I had sex one time these days; still have some anxiety about staying hard but I managed ok. I can't see yet any major improvements in terms of performance or sensibility down there, but I guess it is too soon after one week.
    -until now my days seem alike, with many hours of zero libido and moments of semi-erections. I'm trying not to think very much about this, just stay away from P and M.

    For now, the best thing about this is that I am proud about myself, for starting this and for getting through the first week without relapsing.
    And I talked about this with one of my best friends, who has the same problem. He is also trying to stop PMO and MO but mostly as some sort of experiment , I guess he is not that convinced about the toll porn takes on our lives...I told him about YBOP so hopefully he gets serious about this too.

    I was reading your posts above and it fels great to know that, out there, there are people like me, with the same problem, and we're helping each other even if until a few days ago we were complete strangers.
    I guess it is normal to feel ashamed about our past behavior ; BUT that was in the PAST :) ..and hey, we're taking action right now !!!
     
  20. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Absolutely correct, Argus. It's way to early to expect major improvements in the physical performance department, IMHO, but I'm glad you're experiencing the satisfaction that comes with taking a major step towards mental and physical health.

    Hang in there!
     

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