No more PMO for good: time to get a real life.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Buffa, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. Buffa

    Buffa New Member

    Hello. It's my first post in this forum. I came across this place from a guy that recommended it to me in a pickup forum.

    I'm 24 years old and been addicted to porn since I'm 13 or 14. During my teens I was the nerdy, shy guy that wanted to fit in with popular guys and was made fun of. I had a terribly low self-esteem. For many years I've felt inadequate. Over the years I've developed some confidence but never enough to make the big leap and have a deep change in my life.

    After I finished high school, I've dabbled around some careers but nrever found my thing. I'm only working at the moment in a crappy job with no career expectations or professional goals (another thing I have to change). I also have no friends: I've tried a lot of times in different careers I was, gyms, hobbies I did to socialize but never could develop any bond or social relationship because of low self-esteem and lack of social skills. However I have to admit that trying to socialize that much helped to become for social-savy and less creepy. I'm far more "normal" that what I used to be. What especially helped me was that in my job there is lot of people with my age or younger. Although I don't have a relationship or spend time with my co-workers outside the work environment, I have a good relationship with everybody and learned a lot about bonding and socializing.

    The big part here is that even though I'm not virgin, I only had sex with prostitutes. I haven't pair d for sex in years because I always felt empty after doing it, never felt satisfied. For many years I also thought that porn addiction was just a symptom of my unfulfilled desires of a meaningful career, friendship and, especially, my lack of a real romantic and sex life.

    Now I see it the other way around: PMO addiction is not letting me solve my problems and develop a fulfilling life. I've tried several times to stop watching PMO but only lasted around 6 or 5 days at most. Now I'm trying again and installed the K9 filter in my computer. So far this is my first day porn free (I started on Sunday). What really made me take this commitment seriouly was a bad experience that I recently had with a girl I was dating. I've been into the pickup community for some time, and I'm slightly good approaching women. About 2 months ago I met a cute girl I approached on a train and started dating her. She was really sweet I liked her, but my obsession with seex made me creepy and I lost her.

    My main sticking point is that I can't stop fantisizing about porn and this creates a very strong urge to watch porn that makes me relapse.

    I think this sums up my story pretty well. I'm looking forward for giving and receiving support to accomplish the objective of beong 120 days PMO free.
     
  2. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Hi Buffa,

    Welcome to the forum!

    I think you might underestimate yourself, because entering the pua community (approaching strangers, etc) requires some confidence. :)

    That s*cks. I as well decided to take on this challenge because of a bad situation with a girl. It was a different situation, but I think these kind of bad situations could make you really motivated to complete your challenge.

    Have you thought about a way to overcome this? :)
    I think the K9 filter is a good idea. Distracting yourself by doing things with friends, being out of the house help very good as well.

    Good luck with your challenge man!

    Gr. Nick
     
  3. Poe

    Poe New Member

    Yup. Welcome. If you read success stories like KD's, you'll see there are a whole host of benefits that are worth fighting for. PMO is definitely a drag, and its really just the mind winning out over the conscious pleasure of existence in the present -- as Eckheart Tolle sorta extolled.

    Wishing you the best, man.
     
  4. Buffa

    Buffa New Member

    Hello. I'm ashamed to tell that after 2 days I relapsed on masturbation, not porn. I've also found a way to bypass the k9 filter. Knowing that I may need a more strict control, I've downloaded Covenant Eyes, the accountability program (I'm not a christian freak but the program is useful) and looking for a better or harder to bypass web filter.

    My first question is: if i relapsed on masturbation but not on porn, should I start counting again from 0 or just keep counting days?

    I also pratice meditation ang go running but there are times that I can't stop fantasizing about porn and this triggers a relapse. I'd like to know opinions and advice on avoiding porn fantasies.
     

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