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Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by DARRENGILMOUR, Oct 6, 2020.

  1. DARRENGILMOUR

    DARRENGILMOUR New Member

    Hi, I'm Darren. 50 years old and feel like I never grew up. I've read some good posts on here that replicate that very sentiment. The idea that we didn't have good role models in our lives. My porn habit started really young. I found my brothers stash of porn and it was a short count down to one. Hueston, we had lift off. Fashion magazines. MTV videos. (As somebody with a boot fetish, thanks Salt n Pepper). I was a good looking boy, so relationships were never difficult, but I always preferred porn. I suffered ED a few times in my twenties and that started a deep decline into girl avoidance. I never failed to get it up for porn.
    I now know about my abuse as a child. My dad was a violent drunk. I was bullied. All of the shit that goes with trauma.
    Anyway, just wanted to say hello. I've had two ninety day stints this year and two relapses, so off we go again.
    Like so many stories on here, my porn started off as vanilla and ended up with pretty extreme Femdom porn. I'm not into being humiliated or beaten up. Those scenarios developed through my fantasy for boots and leather. I am an addict. Recovering alcoholic and drug user. Now I've got to find the sexual being I always wanted to be. A good man. A dedicated husband. And most of all, somebody who likes themself.
    Darren
     
  2. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

    Welcome to the forum, and good luck on your journey.
     
  3. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Welcome. Two ninety days stints is good. What lead to falling back in? I'm around ninety days but I really want sustained abstinence.
     
  4. badger

    badger Member

    I too am recovered from alcohol-17yrs. my addiction now is porn. has been for over 50 years. I keep relapsing. I can relate to your home life and growing up. same here. never give up.
     

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