New start after relapse

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by ZeeBawn, Feb 22, 2022.

  1. ZeeBawn

    ZeeBawn Active Member

    Feel good about life today. I am realising that being on the fence when it comes to standards for one's own conduct in relationships and spiritual morality is counter productive. I need to be fully invested in the philosophy I follow and not allow for it to be muddied by others in order to fully proceed on a course of action. For instance, if I am in a particular religion or faith, I must engage fully with it. If I believe in sowing my seeds and not being monogomous, I must be open about that as well.
    I also believe that sexuality should neither be repressed nor recklessly pursued. I must accept my desires but within a framework of understanding that it is an investment into anothet person, even for that brief moment. If I feel attraction to a woman, I must be honest and open about it. Just some thoughts..
    Saville likes this.
  2. ZeeBawn

    ZeeBawn Active Member

    Clean, just for today, will go meet some people from work and then also go to gym afterwards. I feel the weight of my past bearing down on me, but also seeing how the heaviness in my soul bears down on others. Just want to sleep, but have an online meeting witha client in 45minutes and another in person meeting later before I have to meet my training partners.
    I desire love and affection, but trying to feel the truth of being single and find meaning in that.
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's quite an insight, ZeeBawn. Just as our positive attitude is infectious, so can our negative (heavy) ways also affect others. You are seeing things clearly!
    ZeeBawn likes this.
  4. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    my brother i feel you. i am alcoholic. sober 19yrs. for me, i don't even touch a drop of whatever has alcohol in it-beer,wine, aftershave,rum cake, etc. nothing. i know what will happen if i do, i won't come back. after the first taste, the willpower goes out the window. it's like eating a box full of laxatives and willing myself not to shit. impossible, once i get a taste my body's craving take over and it's katy bar the door. if a train hits me, it's not the caboose that kills me, it's that first one. so i stay vigilant about that first one. also since i have an addictive personality i stay away from anything that can hook me, gambling, sweets in excess, etc. you mentioned dabbling in your post. i don't substitute one drug for another. it will always lead me back to my drug of choice. and then it snowballs into living hell. i know i have been there many times. i understand. that's what happened with porn, i just substituted porn for alcohol. i rationalize and say porn will not get me arrested, make me lose jobs, make fall on my face, etc. actually this one is more dangerous than drinking because it's secret and no one knows. except me. then it makes me feel filthy, degenerate, and all those feelings you described. i need to treat porn like i do alcohol. have a tremendous fear for it because i know where it will lead me. it is not a victimless vice. it is very harmful, not only to me but my family and everyone i encounter everyday. when we meet someone or have encounters with family, friends, co-workers, we cant' help but give them what we have inside ourselves. i don't think they want filth. more of my ramblings. hang in there my brother. don't quit before the miracle.
    Saville and Thelongwayhome27 like this.

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