Hi All, Starting a new journal to document my fresh commitment to recovery after having an especially bad episode this past weekend. After over eight years clean off booze and drugs, I drank and took meth for the first time. I have been under stress, but not doing the healthy habits I know have worked. Instead, I have been dabbling in PMO with periods of sobriety. It culminated in me buying alcohol and then visiting an escort, and then another, who offered me meth. The rest of the night was a nightmare, wont go into details now, but in a few short hours the drug had me doing things I am now so ashamed of, due to the influence of the type of p I have watched for so many years. But, I hit rock bottom, losing something that gave so much confidence thst I drew from my recovery. As I sit at work traumatised by my own actions, I sit with tremendous cravings as well as a trunk full of trash accumulated during my bender of two days without sleep. I feel saddened that I feel so dirty that I cant even touch my own child or look people in the eye, or answer simple texts or phone calls. I am here once again to seek support from the many on here who struggle and to offer support. I sit with feelings of fear, anger, frustration, blaming others and powerlessness. But with all the strength in me, I will not allow this slip to become a full blown relapse. Take care all, praying for recovery just for today.