New, risky ED theory. Please offer advice.

Alright, I am starting to get a new theory about my sexual issues. I think this may apply to some of you as well. You can read a summary at the bottom ( it’s in the TLDR part), but please consider taking a careful read of the whole thing because I feel like this angle is not explored on this site enough. The second to last paragraph is my question to you, please check it out. Be warned, this post is a very long story, but I think the details are important in terms of what I’m trying to explain. Also please offer me advice if you can. Also it’s NOT an anti PIED theory. I’m still open to the idea that I may have PIED afterall.


I started masturbating at age 14 and continued until age 19 where I started having problems immediately after my first sexual experience. I did masturbate a lot to porn, but I also masturbated a lot to sensation and fantasy. It was 50-50 ratio if I had to estimate. My porn tastes never really escalated and consistently stayed at the basic/vanilla stuff.


The first time I properly made out with a girl was at 19. I remember being incredibly hard the whole time and even popping a boner when walking with her on the street. The kissing didn’t really lead to anything so I hadn’t yet begun to question my body.


My first sexual experience was one week later – getting a blowjob in the park. I’m sorry for the raunchiness of the post, but I feel the details are important. Anyway, because it was the first time a girl had even touched my junk, because this was all happening in a public space (a park), and because I was nervous about the girl possibly having herpes or something, I had a tough time getting hard. I was only able to get hard toward the very end, but that’s it. I don’t remember if I felt pleasure when finishing. I remember the whole time panicking over why I wasn’t getting hard and cursing myself for it. The girl did not notice and went on with it; all of my negative thoughts were from myself. It was especially painful because I was so attracted to her, but couldn’t react. Mind you, before the blowjob I was getting incredibly hard kissing her that very same day, and even doing simple things like holding her hand while we were at a restaurant gave me a strong boner.


Once I got home from this date I went on a frantic google search in attempt to find out what was wrong with me. I hadn’t even considered performance anxiety and immediately thought it was something else. I was masturbating a lot during this time (I was 19 lol) and when I stumbled upon yourbrainonporn and rebootnation I immediately chalked up my problems to that and porn. I had an extremely negative outlook on the whole situation. I kinda just browsed Gary Wilson and Gabe Deem’s sites, assumed my problem was porn induced erectile dysfunction, and started an extremely intense OCD style thought process of cursing myself for getting myself into such a situation, etc. Gabe Deem stressed to test for PIED by seeing if you could get hard to porn, but I was so horrified by everything that I decided to cold turkey porn. I never really gave myself any sort of initial test. I’ve been dwelling on these thoughts for two and a half years since. Around this time I noticed a loss of morning wood, but I had only noticed it after my first sexual experience. I’ll explain why I’m emphasizing this later.


I didn’t see her for a while which gave my brain a perfect amount of time to OCD obsess over the whole deal. By the time I saw her the third time, I was convinced what I had was pied. I went into it with my mind on my dick, literally focusing all my thoughts on whether I was getting hard with her or not. I noticed I wasn’t getting fully hard while kissing her. We got kinda intense, way more than the first time I saw her. The second time we were together, it was also really hot, but I had release (the blowjob). But this third time, we just made out heavily and I had no outlet (lol). After this, I had the most insane blue balls ever. The only time in my life – and an incredibly painful feeling. All the subsequent times I saw her, or any other girl after her, I would have weak erections, but strangely enough….no more blue balls. I haven’t had any blue balls for over two years – even after heavy makeout sessions that happened during long no orgasm streaks (I had multiple streaks usually around 5 months of no O each).


I know I’ve been focusing on very small details, but I’m going to now explain why. I think the negativity of my performance anxiety and not being able to get hard from my first sexual experience set off incredibly strong OCD that literally suppressed my sexuality. Why else would I not be getting blue balls after months of no orgasm, but heavy making out and other types of intimacy? I think the first time I was in a position to get blue balls, my brain hadn’t fully suppressed my sexuality, and so I still ached. But by the time I saw her the fourth time and onward, my subconscious began to work against me because I was consistently thinking so negatively of sex since I was paranoid about not being able to have it. I did have wet dreams though, but I feel like the lack of blue balls is an indication that I may have literally convinced myself that I had ED when I never did in the first place. As I obsessed over it every second of every day for weeks, my brain actually believed it and began to shut down my body’s sexual functions. Things like getting morning wood, getting erections, getting pleasure from orgasm, etc were no longer bodily functions I could have.


In the beginning of my reboot, I could have a girl sit in my lap and I would be OCD’ing about the PIED and get no erection. But around two years into my reboot, because I was seeing no progress, I actually started stressing even more intensely. I had developed premature ejaculation during failed sex attempts, but at the two year mark, I developed PE from having a girl rub against my junk one too many times, or sit on my lap while kissing me. Bascially, PE without even any touching of my junk. I think my PE actively getting worse without me doing anything to provoke it further is a sign that it’s all in my head and it’s all connected. The intense sexual anxiety that has gotten worse and worse over the last two and a half years is feeding this problem.


TLDR; My initial sexual experience was most likely performance anxiety, but led me into a pattern of thinking I had porn induced erectile dysfunction. I was so adamant about this, that I didn’t bother testing my erection to porn while I just began the reboot. I think I may have convinced my brain that I was in such trouble with my erections, that it ended up subconsciously suppressing my sexuality and erections whether I was trying to get hard with a girl or trying to get hard from my own touch. I think my absolute zero cravings for porn this whole time is a sign of this. Also another sign was the complete loss of all blue balls symptoms once my brain fully convinced itself to shut down my libido. I’ve had very few genuine erections from girls or from my own touch these past two and a half years. I’ve had almost zero libido this whole time, minimal morning wood, loss of pleasure when having an orgasm, and even shrinkage. I have masturbated maybe a total of 15 times during the last two and a half years and they were all to sensation and with weak erections. I believe my PE which is only getting worse may be from the ever increasing sexual anxiety I feel. My counter is slightly wrong. I cold turkeyed porn without relapse in may 2014, but briefly tried testing to see if I got an erection from it in april 2016, and failed to get one. Mind you this was almost after almost two years of not watching porn.


So now my question is, if my brain truly has suppressed my sexuality due to negative OCD thoughts concerning sex and one bad sexual experience, how can I restore my sexuality? I have very extreme PE from even simple things like kissing, so it’ very tough for me to just chill and make out without risking busting a nut. I got a girlfriend recently, but so far I don’t feel any effects of rewiring. I know this is risky, but assuming this IS sexual anxiety, would watching porn and possibly getting erections from that a couple of times (if I can manage them) actually help me because it will restore my faith in my body’s ability to get and stay hard? I know this site is anti PMO, but I am starting to think my intense and consistent symptoms even after rewiring indicate that it may not be PIED in the first place. I already know someone will say to test erections with the girl, but it will be much easier for me to control the premature ejaculation if it's porn.

PS - I've had hormone tests done by multiple urologists and even a doppler test from one of them and they all found nothing wrong. No blood flow issues reported. I tried taking a 5mg cialis in attempt to get hard, but it failed indicating that the problem is most likely in my head.

 

I agree, excellent theory/ observation about anxiety and OCD patterns. I have felt similarly about my situation. When you feel like you do not have control over the outcome with a woman, you're taking control by shutting it down before it starts with thought patterns and anxiety and sometimes it's not even on a conscious level. You're also taking focus off of your connection with her and enjoying the moment. Very frustrating cycle. If you continue to see this pattern I recommend a sex therapist. Find someone who is qualified specifically in the field your dealing with rather than just a therapist working through the broad subject of anxiety. There are trained sexologists who have worked through these issues with men using hypnotherapy, mindfulness and all kinds of other therapies. They can help you get yourself to a place where you're living in the moment rather than overthinking.

I've had this same issue and am starting with my sex therapist this upcoming week. Good luck in your situation man!

 

I am similar case. Since i discovered my penis not functioning properly i started having an OCD about it. But reboot has shown some results. I am on and off flatline, but when i am off i tend to have better and better wood. Your theory is valid, and it is one of the pied contributing factors, together with porn and overmasturbation and edging. Thats why we have to focus on improving our lives and take our dick out of our mind. RebornAgain is right.Visiting this otherwise great forum five times a day is a sign of what we are doing to ourselves.

 

P addiction and excess MO caused ED problems and since you're likely (like me) naturally anxious and OCD, your libido just got killed... completely.

 

This is a great post, makes me realize how much i obsess over it. Have you been PMO a lot in those 5 years? I'll tell you i've been PMO since i was maybe 11/12 and i'm 23 now I've been free of PMO for over a year (some relapses actually). I can tell you that i probably PMO twice a day or more, when i was older I'd PMO before i sleep and sometimes when i wake up.

I really don't think i'm in the moment with my GF (hence i can't pop a boner from arousal, only direct stimulation; can't keep it) but i really don't know what being in the moment feels like tbh, all my attempts have been failed ones without me even realizing.. Lol.

I'm booking an appointment with a sexologist so hopefully i can clear things up in my head.

 

Great post. You sound perfectly like me. Anxiety seems to be the problem here.

 

Well done. You answered your question and solved your problem, in terms of knowing why you cant achieve an erection that is. You want to know the solution?. Simple. Its the one thing you probably don't want to do but will have to, and that is LEAVE.

I agree, your problems was not from porn. If you could achieve an erection with a girl before hand and somewhat have an erection in "heated moments" you must be asking yourself "what the fuck am I doing here?". You need to leave and break this cycle of thinking and obsessing!. Its easy to get addicted to this site and thoughts, trust me I know first hand.

I could care less about this thing or my situation. If I thought about this everyday and logged on daily I would still be thinking about it. You've traced your steps, porn isn't your problem, never was. Now lets focus on letting go?, might be hard for you. Sub consciously you might be using this as a safe guard?.

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Controversial, but don't knock it till ya try it. So theres this thing called Emotional Freedom Therapy. It works by hitting certain points on your body and focusing a feeling, lets just say your desperateness towards getting hard again. So you focus on it and say "let it go, let it go,let it go,peace" youll understand when you watch a few videos. Its sounds hocus pocus but it works. You can focus on how it makes you feel like emotions and the biggest part you overcome your embarresment over failing to get an erection those times. Please watch a few videos and focus on these things I promise you will feel better, and even overcome your problems if you give EFT time. Again give it ago before any of you say it stupid lol.