I've been using pornography and masturbation since I was in my early teens, maybe earlier. I've gone through the addiction cycle so many times that I couldn't even begin to count. I feel helpless and hopeless. I've tried so many things and am not sure where to turn. I have gone to meetings and am going to start going again. I am divorced and remarried. My first wife left me because of pornography and an inappropriate email relationship (not sexual or even emotional, just mostly a diversion). I put together over 5 years of recovery and sobriety and remarried. A few years after my marriage, it crept back in. I've told my wife that it "has been a problem" but she has no idea that it is still a problem and has become a big problem. I'm horrified to tell her but hate that I'm keeping this secret. I'm afraid to tell her because I'm afraid she will leave me like my first wife did. I definitely have a lot of shame and guilt for this secret that I'm keeping. I'm here to try something new.