Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TheAndersMan, Nov 24, 2012.
What's going on, AndersMan? Seems you're struggling a bit currently. Get back up - I'm watching you!
I'll try to leave an update here more regularly so that I get moving in the proper direction again. There is no excuse, only I trust, forgiveness.
I also plan to define my redflags. That's something that I've given some thought to before, but that I didn't keep written down. It will be easier to recall them if I write them here. I certainly did learn some things about warning signs during the last few days.
I went over my journal from the beginning and I still agree with myself. There is only one good path. So I will walk it.
Definition: Pornography is anything illegitimately used or intended to cause sexual arousal.
no porn of any media type
no internet browsing without a purpose
no watching random videos on youtube, especially "fail compilations" - they usually make fun of women and show immodestly dressed women getting hurt in some way.
no sexual fantasy
RED FLAGS (things to avoid):
Expecting knowledge in pornography or "erotic literature." That is to rationalize what is wrong.
Ignoring things that are usually part of my daily routine.
Isolating myself from others.
Times to be especially careful:
After some success
During "free time"
When feeling tired or sick
BTW, loooove that Newhart skit...!
Just checking in.
Merry Christmas, bro.
Just checking in.
Will I ever be governed by Wisdom instead of this rough magic?
(paraphrase of a line in one of the Narnia stories).
Just checking in again... I find I don't have that much to say these days. I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied.
Keep up the fight, bro!
I hate to put this update, but I want to kill this addiction so I have to remain HONEST with all you guys here and with myself - I have to reset my counter because I viewed P again.
It started out with seemingly innocent stuff. This is a hard battle. It's necessary for me to sweat the "small stuff" and stay completely away from triggers, because I've just proved to myself that if I give even a hesitation when faced with triggering material, I will end up doing exactly what I do not want to do.
Looking back at my post of when I relapsed after 30ish days no MO and 40 odd days no P, it seems I found something about that somewhat "comedic." I think I was just trying to be positive and not beat myself up....... but there is NOTHING "funny" about this anymore! Not now.
I think I have all the knowledge I need. It's just hard to make my body follow through on it.
PS: This update was to remain honest with you guys. I have not given up. I will never give up. I'm not looking for people to reply with sympathy. In fact, maybe it would be better if you didn't reply for at least a day. I don't want to in any way train myself to look for any type of reward (flurry of activity) on my journal every time I relapse! This post was just about sticking with it and staying honest.
I figure we're allowed now to comment...
Hope you're going strong again - like the ole Andersman!
Peace - FS
Sorry I just left for so long without saying anything. I've been gone for like a week and a half.
I've just been very frustrated. I still haven't been able to put many no P or MO days together :-[ :'(
Yeah, Finding Sanctuary, I also want to get back to the "ole Andersman" That was a happy time. I don't know what I did that was so different.
Of course, during that time I was busy with college full time. I think one of the main things is that I need to stay more occupied. I would have liked to have gotten a job during the Christmas break, but late December to January seems a really short time to start and leave any job... I just had limited ideas of where to look for such short term work.
I've just had a chance to review a number of the journals here. It's good to see the progress that people have made.
Early morning, beautiful morning. Every day counts now
Well, it seems like I kind of beat the theory side of the recovery to death. Now I just need to put it into practice, which of course can be lot duller. Starting out to do something is always quite naturally interesting because of novelty. (That must be why I'm such a terrible dilettante).
I admire those who can go steadily like clockwork.
Olympic swimmer Josh Davis gave these questions to his students to help keep them on track:
1. How's my streamline and technique?
2. How's my training and work ethic?
3. How's my stretching and flexibility?
4. How's my eating, drinking, and sleeping?
5. How's my attitude of gratitude?
6. How am I getting along with my friends and family?
7. How am I getting along with God?
Those are all excellent questions for competitive swimmers, and perhaps for other people too if we generalize the terms a little. They also show a degree of self observation and introspection. So, what does all this have to do with recovering from my PMO addiction?
Well, I've been thinking about what information it would be useful for me to keep track of. What are my questions for myself? What external factors influence my ability to avoid PMO? What's my method of introspection going to be? How can I keep a good, short, accurate, and useful journal for myself now that I'm no longer just in the setup stages of the journal? I think it would be worth my while to keep track of some of these categories, at least until some significant success avoiding PMO. Most of the categories could be thought of (roughly) on a number scale, but a few would require a short answer. So here's what I thought of in no particular order:
1. Social interaction 1-5
2. Difficulty 1-5. What was the level of temptation? How strong were the urges? How difficult was it to stay sexually pure?
3. Business 1-5. How occupied was I today? Did I have goals today?
4. Spirituality 1-5. How was my devotional life &c?
5. Nutrition 1-5.
6. Attitude 1-5. (I chose "attitude" instead of "emotion" since I think "attitude" carries a connotation of control while "emotion" has a connotation of no control).
7. Physical Activity 1-5.
8. Sleep nu. of hrs.
9. Media - What kinds of things am I reading, watching, listening to?
.....just a quick brainstorm.
Awesome questions, man. You could make a good methodist... Now - go and answer them!
John and Charles Wesley, founders of the Methodist movement, started off with a group that called themselves "The Holy Club." Whenever they met, they would greet each other with the question "“How is it with your soul?”
Note: they were named "methodists" by outsiders as a mockery, because of this and other systematic spiritual practices. Later, John Wesley claimed the name himself, saying it reflects a title of honor.
Oh, yeah, I'm familiar with the Wesley brothers. I just wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing!
My data from Week 1W1D4: SI5 - D2 - B4 - Sp3 - N4 - A3 - PA5 - S6.
W1D5: SI5 - D1 - B5 - Sp3 - N3 - A4 - PA3 - S?.
W1D6: SI4 - D2 - B4 - Sp2 - N3 - A4 - PA3 - S?.
W1D7: SI2 - D mo no p - B1 - Sp1 - N3 - A3 - PA1 - S?
Separate names with a comma.