New Life Now

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TheAndersMan, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    I'm 21 and in college. I've been using porn since I was very young, maybe 10 if you count the really light stuff which most people wouldn't consider porn, but which I treated as porn and used as porn - for sexual arousal/excitement. By 15 or 16 I was watching more porn, and by 17 I was also masturbating to porn.

    As I alluded to above, my porn habit escalated. For a long time I would refuse to watch videos with real nudity, just scantily dressed girls. But I feel that doing that just gave me a false sense of harmlessness about porn, and ultimately kept me from accepting the fact that porn is absolutely awful for a longer period of time. Anyway, by the time I was out of high school, I was watching harder porn, and I was watching it much more frequently; often I masturbated to porn every day, sometimes multiple times per day.

    I knew that porn, especially coupled with masturbation could have negative effects on me, but I still didn't determine to stop until I saw those effects plainly in my own life: I've notice reduced creativity, patience, ability to focus; poorer academic performance, spiritual life, relationships, social behavior; lower confidence etc.

    Goal: 60 day no PMO reboot.
  2. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    PS I forgot to mention: Many thanks to all those who started and maintain this website!
  3. Life_learning

    Life_learning Member

    Congrats for starting.

    Remember your young and in college. Take full advantage for what you have left to experience!
  4. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    I'm going to begin posting things that I have found in the past that have inspired me (1) against porn, or (2) in some positive way. The point is to post things that have been important in my own life so that I can remember my journey and to make such things available to others.

    Here's my first useful resource post

    This is probably one of the first things that I ever heard against porn:

    note: many things that have helped me are Christian.

    I'll try to include an update like this every week or so, until I've posted about all the good resources that I can recall; hopefully I'll be finding many new good resources as well. Feel to share on this page by posting about something that has inspired you (1) against porn, or (2) in some positive way. Thanks :)
  5. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Congratulations to you, too, for starting this journal!
    God bless!
  6. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    I should probably remember to add a few more details about this current reboot experience:

    When I started 22 days ago, my priority was to quit viewing porn for good. I also consider masturbation a serious problem, but at the time I was committed to just stopping porn, and there were some reasons for that:
    1. I'd been into porn for so long that I couldn't take it anymore
    2. I believe porn is morally wrong (even if the girls who were used to make it were not being harmed) and that leads me the most important reason for me:
    3. THE PORN INDUSTRY DOES HURT PEOPLE! I could not allow myself to be any longer, by the click of a mouse, actively contributing to the abuse and in many cases, the enslavement and trafficking of thousands upon thousands of innocent young women, all of whom are precious in the eyes of God.
    So those are the reasons that I was first and foremost concerned with quitting porn.

    That being said, I started my 60 day reboot with an agreement with myself that I would under no circumstances view porn. However, I allowed that I could masturbate all I wanted, as long as it was not to porn or porn fantasy. Even though I made this allowance for myself, I did not really intend to use it. For the first two weeks I did not feel the need to use it. Instead I tried to think about girls in a friendly way, and not in a sexual way. I made attempts at school to say a few kind words to the girls in the halls etc, to look them in the eye and just give a friendly greeting. I believe this helped me ALOT during my first two weeks! This made the girls smile and gave me pleasure in a positive way in place of the "pleasure" (chemical) my brain would have gotten from porn in a negative way.

    But at the end of the two weeks I started getting strong urges, so I allowed myself to M. It seemed like a step up from porn and M, so I was happy. However, after M a few times, I found it was harder for me to do it without, even inadvertently, turning to some porn-inspired fantasy during M. So I concluded that at this point M was only serving to remind me of P and stopping me from achieving a true retraining of my reward circuitry (as YBOP so effectively pointed out). So I started my counter to track my progress for 80 days which will give me just over 60 day full reboot no P and no MO, and just over 80 without porn.

    my sincere thanks to all who have read and supported me on this forum.
    May God bless you all and give you the freedom and peace you seek.
  7. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    Here's another post to share a useful resource.

    I found this one actually about the time I started my reboot I believe.

    (Warning: although I personally found no triggers here, it did occur to me that someone may conceivably find triggers in this, mainly because specific magazines are talked about. But I found that the information was enlightening and useful, and that it gave me more reasons to be totally against all forms of pornography.)

    Ok, I was looking for resources, and I ran across a talk ( whose title I cannot recall) given by Dr. Judith Reisman. Near the beginning of her lecture, she said something to the effect that... porn began in 1948 at Indiana University with a man named Alfred Kinsey. (That's not a quote, and I probably misunderstood what she was trying to say.) But nonetheless, such a statement shocked me... and appeared incredibly naive. So I immediately gave a skeptical reply: "human sexuality has stayed basically the same since the dawn of human history," I thought. "Of course porn has always been around."

    Well, regardless of whether I had misunderstood Reisman or not, the statement sparked my curiosity. I wanted to know what really did happen in 1948 at Indiana University and what Alfred Kinsey had been all about. So I found this documentary:

    This video really impressed on me how nasty and damaging porn can be. The documentary also presented a strong case that society really has changed its mindset significantly about porn and other sexual topics in the past 60 years.

    At one point in the documentary an excerpt is shown of the 1989 interview that James Dobson conducted with serial killer Ted Bundy. I thought it was worth the time to watch the whole interview. So here it is:
  8. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    I've been having enjoyable days recently. Things have gotten easier since, I would say probably around day 16, I don't remember exactly when. I just remember that going through week two was pretty tough, but after that things kind of leveled off.

    I've been trying to keep with my practice of being just more friendly toward girls and treating them more kindly, instead of thinking about them in a sexual way. I've just been trying to value their personhood more. This gives me positive pleasure from the personal interaction in place of the negative "pleasure" (chemical) my brain would have gotten from P. This idea seems to have helped me a lot.

    Just two quick examples from today:

    1) During Math class, a girl who hardly ever asks many questions or participates in the discussion started talking some during the class. I just made it a point to go to her after class and tell her I was really glad to hear her talking in class. She seemed happy.

    2) After school, I needed to do some hw, so I went to an outdoor area where there were some tables. (It was a really beautiful afternoon today!) Anyway, there were not too many students out there, and most of the tables were empty. But instead of sitting at an empty table, I just went to sit at a table with a girl. She seemed pleased that I did this, and she introduced herself and started telling me about what she was working on...

    Good times!
  9. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    The above just reminded me of how utterly important it was to me to deal with some misogynistic views and mostly subconscious attitudes that I had toward women. Although I believe "misogyny" translates literally as "hatred of women," I would say that a more accurate translation or idea would be "irrational fear of women" or "irrational frustration with women." That being clarified, I believe that most men are misogynist to some extent, and I think it was absolutely vital that I stop "hating" women. It was vital for me to recognize that women are not the cause of my problems, and to forgive any specific woman who actually had caused me harm or pain, and to not hold womankind responsible for that particular woman's missteps or shortcomings.

    Frankly, when I realized that I held some of these feelings and attitudes toward women, I noticed a cycle in the misogyny. Porn seemed to fuel the misogyny, and misogyny in turn seemed to fuel the porn.

    Two books that proved really really useful to me are:
    1) Misogyny: the male malady, by David D. Gilmore.
    2) Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, by Dr. Susan Forward. Note: I really only found a chapter or two useful from the Susan Forward book, since most of the chapters were not written for men, but primarily for women trapped in misogynistic relationships. But those two chapters helped me a lot!

    PS I did not buy these books, I just checked them out from the college library. I don't think they're books that I'd keep as reference books. If I ever want one again, the library is always there...
  10. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    The following is taken from a comment I posted on AzureGenesis' journal (read his journal ---> here.) And I thought I would repost it here since it gives a little more background about my reboot and reports some things I that I think helped me succeed thusfar:

    I can't really explain my success this time around. It was hard to get to two weeks, and I think that's about the time I would usually bail out of my previous attempts. Some thoughts do come to mind though now that I think about it:

    Even after my last failed (is stalled a better word?) attempt when I wasn't really actively and willfully trying to quit porn (it seems weird to say that because it seems like I've constantly been trying to quit for the past 4 or 5 years) I was consciously aware of my problem, I had been admitting that it was an addiction and naming it as such for some time, I had been thinking about being free, I had been analyzing my problem, and I had been really praying for deliverance for some time, and I generally had more faith in God. So it seems that I was mentally preparing for some time to launch a new "reboot" (though I had never heard of the term "reboot" yet). Then I found and started getting ideas and inspiration to try quitting again. I launched the reboot, spent a lot of time scouring the web for various resources. I also found this website which appeared to me to be the best place to share information and encouragement with other people who are also absolutely committed against porn. I've tried to keep some details of the reboot on my journal (link in my signature below). I've also begun a project on my journal to document all the resources that have been useful to me in quitting porn.
  11. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Interesting thought about the misogyny aspect behind creation and/or use of porn...

    My version would read a little differently: I wouldn't talk of "hatred" nor of "fear of woman". Personally, I think I always admired women. To the extend that I've thought of them as the better human beings. Other than the animalistic, abysmal, perverted male, the "beast" so to say, I perceived the female (often subconsciously) as rather angelic, controlled, pure "beauty" - and most importantly, so totally out of my reach...

    So maybe I did experience some "hatred", but more
    • bc I couldn't be what they are
    • bc of their rejection
    • bc both: their goodness and their rejecting me made me even more aware of how bad I'm off
    So porn was a means to show the corruption of the seemingly pure female: women are shown available, willing, as perverted as I am...

    Of course, I'm aware that the whole "women=pure" is a lie, too, or at least a social construction. Maybe it's just the other side of the medal in our "man's world".
  12. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    Yes, misogyny is so often very ambivalent for so many men! There was a time when I too almost worshiped what I thought the essence of woman was. That brings to mind this quote that I remember reading in The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis:

    “We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. Then they become gods: then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred.”

    (Note: I remember reading this, but I don't own the book. So I copied this from a website, not a printed source.)

    Anyway, over time I became increasingly cynical about the goodness of women. I increasingly thought of them as stupid and irrational, often looking down on individual women for their mistakes. This was, of course, very irrational on my part, and the god became a demon.
    Like I said. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY VITAL THAT I CHANGE THIS. I knew I wanted to stop being misogynist in any way, but I really needed some help, and that's where those two books I mentioned came in.
  13. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    Ok Here's another useful resource post. ​

    I've been wanting to post about this one for awhile now, but I wasn't really sure when the appropriate time would be. Well, now that I've written some about misogyny and its harmful effects, I think this post will make more sense.

    About a month and a half ago, I was browsing through the digital titles available from my local library, and I came across an audiobook version of All Woman and Springtime, by Brandon W. Jones. I won't write a summary, I'll just say that it's about a North Korean girl who is sold into sexual slavery. All Woman and Springtime is a fictional (yet realistic) account of the plight of those trapped and sold into the sex trade.

    I found this book after I had begun dealing with the misogyny that I found in my own life, and I think it's significant that I found it afterward.

    All Woman and Springtime helped me to see how extensive and horrible human trafficking and the sex industry are. It helped give me the full story of how awful the sex industry is! (Remember, on Nov. 26th I mentioned the horrors of the sex industry as one of strongest reasons that I'm no longer tolerating porn). The book helped me to sympathize with those enslaved in the industry (somehow the word sympathize feels like it's NOWHERE NEAR POWERFUL ENOUGH to express what I trying to say here). By "sex industry," I mean prostitution, porn, stripping... the list goes on I'm sure.

    For some time before this, I had been trying to retrain myself to see women as real and valuable individual persons, and not as sexual or contemptible objects. Now, if I had not dealt with the misogyny in my life , I don't think I could have reacted so strongly to the book. If I had allowed myself to retain any irrational contempt, suspicion, or fear of women, I just would not have been able to care as much about all the wrong and hurt that is being done to them :'(.

    Warning: The author seems to have tried not to be too graphic, but of course such a book will necessarily be graphic.
  14. SinkingSailor

    SinkingSailor New Member

    Heh I remember when I used to be so torn up and confused about girls. My situation in life and with PMO lead me to just write them all off as crazy sirens who were up to no good. Which is completely unfair. I de-humanized them in my head so that I wouldn't have to empathize with them or try to really understand them. It's clear to me now that all humans are fragile creatures and the girls I've been with were just as susceptible to life's pressure's as I was.
  15. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Best of luck my friend! the porn industry is corrupt and the money that is loaded into it is immoral on all levels. We are best to avoid it altogether.
  16. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    Hey guys. Thanks so much for the replies. It's really encouraging to know that this journal is being read a little :)
  17. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Hey bro, haven't seen you in a couple days - things going ok with you?
  18. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    All is well! Thanks. Just really busy and not able to visit as often or as long. So I usu. just type some short notes if I have any replies... I've been meaning write about another book I've heard recently. I'll do it soon. Maybe next week.
    I hope you're doing great! Thanks again :)
    LettingGo likes this.
  19. TheAndersMan

    TheAndersMan Watch-and-Pray

    I almost hesitate to call this another USEFUL RESOURCE POST since it has nothing to do with porn. However, back when I started this project of posting useful resources, I defined a useful resource as (1) something inspiring against porn or (2) something that is inspiring in a positive way. So today's post will obviously be a case of (2). In some ways that's good. I would not like to be focused on porn related things too much of the time.

    I recently listened to an audio recording of The Hiding Place, an autobiography of Corrie Ten Boom. It was really encouraging to hear of the faith of the Ten Boom family and the faithfulness of God in this account. The Ten Boom family was used by God to save lives during the Second World War, and Corrie herself was instrumental in helping to heal and restore many broken lives, including Germans, after the war, despite the suffering she endured at the hands of the Nazis and the personal tragedy her family endured.
    Corrie, and especially her father and sister had so much to teach me about faith and loving others.
  20. MsbtNnoPorn

    MsbtNnoPorn Tryin to control.

    Wow. Impressive journal and thoughts. I urge you to be ever so carful and ready, for as soon as you think you are safe or dont have time to commit, resisting may be hard. Either way, i know you can acomPlish your goal! :)

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