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Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by badger, Oct 29, 2020.

  1. Jethro

    Jethro New Member

    Badger my brother!,
    It is great to hear from you also, I'm so glad that you are still in there punching. You're winning my friend, and every day that passes is a huge victory against this horrible and insidious disease that threatens everything we hold dear. Like booze, which was also my, " drug of choice ", for many years, it is what I call one of the, " invisible illnesses ", that are part of our society whether we care to admit it or not. Today, I no longer drink or indulge in porn of any kind whatsoever,..........WOW!!, and just typing these words makes me smile, and gives me a bigger rush than porn or booze ever gave me!, how about that my brother??. Unlike alcoholism, which is noticeably visible to other people, ie:, drunk, falling all over the place etc:, etc:, porn use is invisible to the other human beings we share the planet with, it is one of those illnesses which is really sneaky,.....it tries to convince us we don't have it. I told myself for years that you couldn't become addicted to porn, that it was, " a man thing ", and that all men did it. That it was just, " a pleasurable pastime ", that harmed nobody, today I can admit, and accept, that I caused devastating damage to my wife, like very many partners of addicts, more so with porn, they think and believe that it's them. " It must be me ", or, " why does he prefer pictures on a screen to me, what have they got that I don't?? ". Anyway, I've run my mouth again lol!, keep going Badger, and just in case you weren't aware of it before, your posts both encourage and inspire me as much as any hope that you get from mine
    Jethro
     
  2. Trouble Afoot

    Trouble Afoot New Member

    I am struggling with this. I'm 51 and drink 4 to 6 pints of 7% craft beer a night. It has affected my entire life and now it is beginning to affect my health. Last year I quit, before relapsing, 3 diffeerent times. Once for 3 months, once for 2 months, and once for just a month. My track record got worse, each time, but at least I know I can do it. I hope all is going well with you. I just joined here today and posted the first entry to my journal.
     
  3. badger

    badger Active Member

    welcome my brother,
    i struggled with alcohol for over 35 years. caused me and my family many many problems. i have not had a drink in almost 18 years. not easy but doable. it has to be the most important subject in your life to quit. it comes before anything or anyone else. if you don't have sobriety you dont' have anything else either. drinking is the most selfish addiction i had. it was all about me. i missed my kid's birthdays. anniversaries. it was more important than family, work, health, etc. legal, financial problems. once i made NOT drinking my most important priority, everything else fell in place. work on it day and night life your life depends on it, because it does. to stop drinking all i had to change was one thing-me. simple but not easy. there is more information on my drinking in my other posts if you want to look at them. hang in there. now i am fighting this porn addiction. hang in there. praying for you
     
    Trouble Afoot likes this.
  4. Trouble Afoot

    Trouble Afoot New Member

    Thanks for the advice badger. Though this is a NF forum I am also seeking, within it, to hear from people like you who have left the bottle behind. As I said, I have had small sober stints before but they always ended. I know I need to shut it down for good. I always think I am going to be a moderate drinker, each time, but it never ever works out. Not to mention, on mornings after drinking, I am so extraordinarily horny it makes abstaining from pmo damn near impossible.
    Keep up the good work. If you can quit drinking, for 18 years I think you can handle this. It looks like most people relapse, eventually, but maybe we can be like some of those rock stars on here who have several years in the bag. I think being on this forum is going to be good for me. I always thought I was one of those people that could go it alone but I'm not so sure about that anymore.
     
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is what the addict wants. It wants us to think we are in control, we have all the answers, and we just need to implement a few changes. In the immortal words of John Donne: "No man is an Island." Learning to ask for help is actually us growing up as men.
     
  6. badger

    badger Active Member

    Trouble,
    i can never be a moderate drinker. one drink and i am gone. once a cucumber becomes a pickle it can never go back to being a cucumber. i believe all addictions are the same-a crutch or substitute for us to evade reality. an escape. all addictions need to be dealt with the same-stop using. my 2 cents worth.
     
  7. Trouble Afoot

    Trouble Afoot New Member

    Thank you for the feedback and I am taking it seriously. Last night I, somewhat reluctantly, joined soberrecovery.com. And let me tell you the support there, in less than 24 hours, has been nothing short of amazing. I am so glad I jumped in. There are people on there who quit yesterday (like me, on day 2 today) and others who quit 25 or 30 years ago but still joined to help others who are trying. I have to admit this time the commitment is more intimidating because I want to quit for good. My previous stints were always open-ended. I'd tell people "well I'm probably not quitting for good. Just taking a break" but now I'm in it for the long haul. As much as I lament that I can't be a social drinker I now see it for what it is. And what it is is very destructive.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2021
  8. badger

    badger Active Member

    one book that helped me tremendously-"rational recovery" by jack trimpey.
     
  9. Trouble Afoot

    Trouble Afoot New Member

    I just ordered that book today! I just know AA wouldn't be my thing. I mean no offense to anyone who it does work for I just don't think it would be for me. I would never fault any method that anyone uses if it helps them stay sober. From what I've read, about Rational Recovery, it sounds like a plan that would be more agreeable to my personality.
     
    Saville likes this.
  10. badger

    badger Active Member

    hey jethro,
    haven't heard from you in a while. how you doing?
     

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