New here -My Journey - extreme case !

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by NotSOproud, Jun 17, 2022.

  1. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    I'm so fucking bored and have nothing to so I decided to share my journey , it might motivate me or anyone reading it, bet it will be a long one as the addiction I had is (was) kinda severe (20 twenty fking years lost with like every kind of addictions (drugs/porn/alchohol/prostitutes ... you name it i did it)
    I started to think that my other addictions are related to PMO (some brain related shit from all the open tabs across the years , I work online but 400+ tabs is not healthy and must have conciquences,

    what I'm I looking for ? I fucking don't know , it's just tab after tab , it's like I'm looking for something that's isn't there , the more tabs the worst the fetish is , heck I was watching shemales the week before PMO , I never saw that coming , but that was the last fetish to get me excited

    Spent 20 years with a numbed brain that doesn't feel anything , 0 empathy toward anyone .
    Wasn't that type to get a gf and enjoy being with her , I just like hookers , they came, do my dids and that's it , the opposite sex is only a machine to make me orgazm!

    I forgot the meaning of life , I missed laughing , heck even smiling)

    8-12 hours ritual is not normal , waiting for some girl to sleep so I can go watch some porn is not normal

    I stopped everything cold turkey (not smoking though) , and trust me beating cocaine is a piece of cake comparing to this shit , don't know how it's still legal

    In this journey I will post my thoughts , maybe some advices and my symptoms.

    I'm on like day 80 or something, I didn't count well cause I said this is IT, no more porn , there no industry with that name, So no need for me to count, helped at first but turned to alchohol (did quit it after 2 weeks of PMO though)

    Currently in flatline, symptoms:
    The worst depression I ever saw
    No motivation to even brush my teeth
    Head is numbing
    Tight chest
    Chilling feeling
    Pressure on my teeth
    Ears ringing
    Can't focus
    Agitation (not severe)
    Muscles pain (gone after the second month)
    Heart palpitations (did all tests and everything is fine)
    And the infamous ED

    Guys (especially the youngest) this shit Is real , at first I ridiculouled this (telling myself its just porn , everyone watch porn ! )

    But really get the fuck out of this addiction, it dosent worth it , the consequences are too bad .

    Will continue updating this thread , any support is welcome
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2022
    Henry+ likes this.
  2. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    Some 80,s day :
    Have Some feelings that I didn't get since few years , won't blame everything on PMO , but definitely something related
    Henry+ likes this.
  3. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    This building energy is just ridiculous to describe
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2022
    Henry+ likes this.
  4. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    Guess I'm getting out of this flatline, that's some good news , have some energy and I can "kinda" focus on stuff ,
    Thinking of edging but fuck that , it's recovery time
    Henry+ likes this.
  5. Henry+

    Henry+ New Member

    Hi mate,
    Thanks for sharing.
    Don’t give up. You’ve chosen the best path.
    Keep sharing your thoughts here. It’ll help.
    NotSOproud likes this.
  6. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    ED back after 3 days , thid sux
    My penis is even shrinking (not delusions) it's like dead , torutule head , wtf
  7. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    This shortness of breath is killing me , some panic attacks too , probably will go back to some ssri and benzo if UT didn't improve this week
  8. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Member

    Porn is generally used to numb yourself. So when stopping everything surfaces even harder.
    But it gives opportunity to change the life for the better if you dont change anything you will most likely relapse.
    For me I had DE but after 90 days of reboot that isnt a problem anymore.
    Even when I would occasionally relapse. All is OK as long I dont watch porn couple times a day.
    Also I live by the rule now not to pay for sex no matter what, because I used to see hookers too, years ago and got addicted to that as well.
    NotSOproud likes this.
  9. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    For Me hookers wasn't an issue, it's just for fun , I just like them because it's an easy thing to do (we are all paying for sex one way or another ) , but yeah I relate on that porn numbing our brain statement, it really does .

    Currently my ED is kinda better , it come and goes comparing to the first 100 days , have a morning wood from time to time so I think I'm headed to the right direction, my libido is kinda there too .

    Kinda surprised with this fast results, I'm on day 130+ i guess , if I continue like this I might just need another 3 or something months .
    Do anyone knows if having sex now , does it worth it or it can slow down my healing ? I'm on hard mode since I started (and didn't even had a wet dream since forever)
  10. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    Fuck everything I learned about this shit, this is no normal way to live (but continuing this challenge) , fking hard mode :
    just few symptoms for ever googler:
    Palpitations : this shit is killing me , BUT it's either nofap or me gaining lot of weight (probably second , all my freaking tests are good)
    Acne: got some on my chest (not a big deal, but there was something there , now it's gone )
    This freaking shrinking of my penis (as much this is crazy but it's going away)
    Tight chess : ( did tests, my lungs are fine even for 2 decades of smoking, so guys you can smoke , just don't over do it )

    For mental health (we are all here for this )
    Can't really separate nofap of antidepressant : I'm doing better but something is missing, I will put a bet that this is a porn thing (saw some propaganda about "porn is not harmful" , but it's harmful (coming from me is just ridiculous), I had some real addictions , and I thought porn is just "a thing", it's NOT ,it's destroying life's (new guys, don't overreact, you are here , just fking stop , this is for olders )
    I might said this before, comparing porn to hard drugs, it's harder (for me at least, cocaine, Crack, and meth (yeah meth!!) , porn was harder for me , I'm keeping this challenge no matter what , pushing to 1 year (ridiculous on hard mode , but will do it , this might be new thing to science comparing to the porn industry (worked there and I know the tricks, you have no idea on how you are played)
    Talked to much I guess, play it safe guys, you have no idea of what you're doing
  11. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Member

    Some antidepressants heavily reduce the libido, so you should check if that's a sideeffect of yours.
    As long as you don't have Sex you can't tell if you still have ED or not, Morning wood won't be there every day.
    Once you have an orgasm sex drive is high for some time after nofap. (my experience)
    If you feel good about nofap it just keep going. :)
    NotSOproud likes this.
  12. NotSOproud

    NotSOproud New Member

    ED Totally cured after few months of hard mode , feels nice !

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