New here and at a loss (Trigger Warning)

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Stew1890, Oct 17, 2018.

  1. Stew1890

    Stew1890 New Member

    This is my first post here. I am hoping someone please explain to me the why the urges are so bad every time I try stop? How do you overcome them? I can’t do more than 2 or 3 days without losing my mind. I see some people get it over 200 days. How is that possible when I can’t do 2 days?

    I think I have a particularly bad case and not going to be able to overcome this. Because mine is a very bad femdom addiction, for as long as I have known and keeps getting worse. it started when I was 7 or 8 and now I am in my 30’s with my life destroyed and PIED. It started with Porn and then the last 10 years it has also progressed to real life situations with Dommes and the like. I have spent many years serving quite a few woman as a slave, spending thousands on them, doing all sorts of domestic and personal service related things for them. 2 of them have controlled every aspect of my life over the last 5 years including my finances. They have humiliated degraded and beat the hell of me. No matter how hard I try to stop the thoughts, the Porn and the urges to see them I find it impossible.

    It is very frustrating to want so badly to regain a normal sexual health and normal life but being so helpless. I think my Brain is completely destroyed cuss I don’t look at woman the same way. Nothing that would normally turn a man on does it for me. It is only being degraded, whipped, caged, treated like an animal, used a toilet slave, all this really hardcore stuff that consumes my mind nonstop. I only actually view woman as these superior Goddesses now and feel incredibly submissive and Inferior to them, like it is there right to torture me and force me into mental and physical slavery to them.

    I believe a lot of of my addiction was made worse by one of these woman who used to entertain my foot fetish but in the process used to humiliate me and quite literally whip me to a bloody pulp. She used to restrain me at her feet and make me worship them for hours with a whip over my back. My apologizes for this being a bit graphic and hope i am not triggering anyone, but my point in saying this went on for years and I think it did some psychological damage to me cause it is all I can think about. I think she instilled some type of unhealthy mindset of slavery and worship to woman that is not productive in real life. I sort of feel like i was brainwashed and now doomed to crave this type of treatment and humiliation. Is it different when you have experienced it in real life and also porn vs. just porn?

    Has anyone tried any sort of alternative healing, like seeing a shaman or seeing someone who can perform rituals to cleanse you of this stuff? I never in a million years thought I would look into crazy stuff like this but I am getting desperate for help. I really do want to turn things around but I think the damage may be done.
  2. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Stew, and welcome to YBR. Wow, your story sounds very intense and I am very sorry that you are struggling with all this. It sounds like you are in very deep. But continuing to indulge in this kind of lifestyle will only enforce it. The only way out is to stop. Delete your dommes phone numbers. Cut all ties with them. Stop looking at porn. Yes it is going to be tough, but you can make it, and it is the only way out.

    I would advise you to get counseling for any psychological damage you may have developed while you were living the femdom lifestyle. I am not terribly familiar with what goes on in such relationships, but it sounds very manipulative, brainwashing as you said, the sort of thing some sadistic person would do to create a psychological dependence in your mind for them (which is a good way to make sure you remain a paying customer I suppose). I think that that dependency will probably be difficult to get rid of just with a standard reboot, and you should seek out some therapy in order to resolve all you went through while you were living the femdom lifestyle. Shamans are good and all and they might help you along on your journey... I dunno I don't have much experience with them. But I would say there is no substitute for good therapy.

    Anyways, whether you take my advice or not, I do suggest that you take the first step right now and cut off all ties with your dommes. Get rid of their phone numbers. Defriend them on facebook. Do whatever you need to do to forget about them. Find a new hobby. Invest your time and energy in something new.

    I hope this helps. I am sorry if this wasn't helpful, I do not have much experience with femdom addiction. But I do most sincerely wish you all the best, and I hope you will continue to update us about your progress. Again, welcome Stew, and cheers for your recovery!

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