Never too late

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Tantra_Vision, Apr 13, 2020.

  1. Tantra_Vision

    Tantra_Vision New Member

    Day #1: April 13, 2020

    I am 44. Been an on/off porn addict since my early teens, so almost 30 years of addiction. There was a period in my twenties where I was really down under and depressed, consuming 3 to 4hrs of porn almost every day and having all the side relationships, ED, visiting hookers and massage parlors...even tried suicide once.

    I have come a long way but still fail into it regularly. Not on a daily basis, but sporadically, a week or two of sobriety followed by a week where I watch it for a couple of days.

    I am very tired of this on/off habit and want to make it permanent. So I will try again. One thing I want to try is keeping a daily journal here.
    xmanss likes this.
  2. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    Hey mate!

    You will be in much better situation as you started with dial up probably. Are you married?
  3. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    Your addiction will be easier to deal than mine.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you're getting a handle on all this. And, yes, try to journal here everyday. In the beginning especially it is important to write our thoughts down.
  5. Tantra_Vision

    Tantra_Vision New Member

    No. I live by myself
  6. Tantra_Vision

    Tantra_Vision New Member

    Day1 : April 13th

    Plan was to wake up early and do a trail run, and then go to hot yoga around lunch. Since I was PMoing until 1am, i woke up very tired around 7, so i went back to sleep again. Woke up at 10.30.
    I meditated for half hour and went running to the yoga place (about 8km/5miles), then did 1hr of hot yoga, and then ran back home. I think I overdid it, because I was completely destroyed. But managed to cook lunch (shrimps with coconut milk, first time tried it, success! Very yummy) and the I took a nap. Plan was for 1hr, ended up being a 2hr one.

    An old friend called me and we talked for about an hour. I tried to make falafel for dinner, complete disaster, but I ate it anyways, I mean I didn't spend a good 45min for nothing!

    Practiced guitar for 30min, started watching killing eve, 3rd season...but didn't even finish 1st episode... listened to some podcasts while cooking/cleaning

    Overall, a fantastic day. One thing I didn't manage to do was read.

    Tomorrow, I will be pretty busy working (from home). But I plan to not work more than 8 hrs. Let's see.

    Good night
    xmanss and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  7. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    You ran 8kms that amazing. Man you are so fit I m 22 but I still can't manage more than a km run. Poor sleep and tiredness is always there. I feel my joints have weaken due to excessive masturbation.
    xmanss likes this.
  8. xmanss

    xmanss New Member

  9. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    22 as of now .started with masturbation when 13. Went to PMO when 15-16. Continued doing 2-3 times everyday till 19. I could not sleep without doing it during those days. When 19 I knew about the bad effects that it gave me. Have been trying to quit since then. Started taking clonazepam since I was hardly getting any sleep If was getting also I used to be so tired. Gone till day 150 , 200 without pmo in the past. My biggest worries is physical tiredness and loss of muscle mass that it gave me. If I try to run a km I would gasp for breath.
    xmanss likes this.
  10. Tantra_Vision

    Tantra_Vision New Member

    I was like that when I started running around the age of 30. It took me about 2 years to really get comfortable running. There are several programs online to get you for couch to 5k or something like that. What I have seen most people do wrong is set some big ass goal like run a marathon in a year and they end up getting injured and demotivated. Easy does it.

    All the best!
  11. Tantra_Vision

    Tantra_Vision New Member

    I'm not sure what you meant by conditions?
  12. Tantra_Vision

    Tantra_Vision New Member

    Day 2: April 14

    I am a bit sad because I relapsed. I was quite stressed at work and at some point (around 9pm), the urges overtook me. There was a small window of opportunity to pass it, as I contemplated just sitting and meditating for 10min, but I didnt.

    But on the good side, i did finish tons of work, went out for a run, cooked, practiced the guitar, and did several small breaks to do bodyweight exercises like pushups, pullups, squats, etc. That's the only good outcome for me from this lockdown, possibility to do lots of exercises spread out throughout the day, instead going to the gym.

    Anyways, one thing I have promised myself this time around is a relapse is not gonna ruin my next day. So I am gonna get a good night sleep and start anew!
    Mickeymouse and NCBob like this.
  13. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    That's the ticket. As much as we may try, we can't change the past and we can't predict the future. Welcome to the forum, Tantra_Vision:)
    xmanss likes this.

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