Never Giving Up

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TrainingTheDragon, Jul 14, 2012.

  1. Franken Penis

    Franken Penis New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Super Stressful Day [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    im also in the process of applying for jobs at the moment. basically im in the same position as you that i dont really want to do most of the jobs im applying for because my goal is to work as freelancer some day. but you have to make money somehow until you achieve that.

    if you ask me. you shouldnt be too honest. because in the end somebody who also doesnt really want to do this but lies gets the job. most employers also lie if its for the best for the company. trust me on this.

    whats NMMG btw?

    i also hope you get past day7 this time!
     
  2. Arthur

    Arthur Guest

    Re: Never Giving Up - Super Stressful Day [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    Franken, he's referring to a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy.

    We're cheering you on, Training.

    I guess I'd have to agree with Franken regarding honesty in applying for a job. I firmly believe in the old saying, "honesty is the best policy". However, I'm telling you that I've lost many job opportunities in my life, by being "too honest."

    Maybe if you think of it as putting your best foot forward. Focus on the optimistic things about yourself which ARE true. Focus on what good things you DO have to offer. Put yourself in good packaging. Job interviewers aren't interested in long stories in any case. They want to cut to the chase. Offer them something good with respect to yourself, and then do your best to stick to what you offerred and to BE that, should you get the job.

    I know that I don't really know you Training -- internet advice is a touchy thing. So, I just offer that advice in case it helps.

    Best to you!
    Arthur
     
  3. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Super Stressful Day [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    Thanks all for the support. It really means a lot to me. By the way, I made a typo earlier. Yesterday was day 5, not 6 so I still have to get through tomorrow to beat my 7 day wall.

    Yeah man, that's the catch. I just had to tweak everything I did without getting into too many specifics and based it all around qualities I possess that make me an asset as opposed to what my qualifications / prior (miniscule) corporate experience shows.

    That's really how I'm looking at this myself. I just need the money as I personally hate the idea of living the corporate life not to mention bad experiences with it in the past.

    As Arthur pointed out, NMMNG is the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by David Glover. Very insightful if you haven't read it already.

    Turns out I wasn't really being dishonest in any way, I just highlighted everything I'd done in a really confident and positive manner. After overthinking everything a thousand times yesterday I lost perspective and couldn't read what I had written objectively but my folks confirmed that they liked it and I had no reason not to be confident. Just sent it out and I'll see how things go. I expect an interview at least.

    Also, I do greatly appreciate the advice so please don't stop pitching in. Thanks a lot!

    Day 6 recap

    Urges: I had a dead dick up until about the evening when I felt some minor PMO urges. I guess I've been in a flatline all along. I kind of forgotten that I can feel urges to watch porn lol. Anyway, I pushed them away without too much trouble. In fact, they haven't reappeared since. Anyway, tomorrow I reach my 7 day wall again. I don't see it being a challenge. I won't let you guys down!

    General: Man I was so freaked out the whole morning. I went to sleep obsessing about the letter and slept terribly, waking up every half an hour. Woke up at 5AM and couldn't fall asleep after that with these constant insecurities flooding through my head about this letter. It was JUST like when I had my breakdown at my previous job and that spooked me. The thing is I can feel supremely confident and express myself fine to others but I just get so nervous and scared when my folks find out more about me. I guess it's because I've always hidden myself from them (especially my brother) and don't really feel comfortable expressing myself or letting them know what I think. In addition to other reasons, I'm sure part of this is because I've always had to hide my PMO addiction from them. One thought that got me through the day was that I no longer have a dark secret like porn addiction. There really is nothing for me to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. It became really evident how the shame of such a habit used to make me feel like a crook inevitably causing my thoughts to mentally paralyze me. I'd blow up little things in my head and I'd be unable to act because of how every little fear and consequence would just get magnified in my mind.

    This time I kept mentally reassuring myself that I don't have anything to hide anymore really. My goals haven't changed and I'm not doing anything wrong so despite having the physical manifestations of an anxiety attack, I was able to calm myself mentally somewhat. After my folks had a look at what I had written and approved, I felt much better. My brother polished it up a bit as well and made it flow better. Another positive is that I kept pushing myself not to procrastinate and send the email out ASAP as opposed to stewing in circling thoughts like I used to.

    Edit: Another thing I wanted to note was how the psychological stress of this incident completely killed my appetite yesterday.

    PMO Urges: 6
    Energy: 5
    Mood: 5
     
  4. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Super Stressful Day [Day 7] [Record: Day 7]

    Day 7 recap

    Urges: Woot! Finally beat my 7 day barrier! I felt some urges today but they were psychological because of the whole aura around '7 days'. I looked at a few pics of cute girls but cut it out when I realized I was just forcing myself.

    General: Low energy levels today as well. Very low actually. Not to mention I found it super hard to concentrate on anything because I was still apprehensive about a response from the CEO of that company (which I didn't get). A great example of how something like this completely throws my whole system off balance. My mind gets so fixated on things like this, I can't enjoy anything else. Spent pretty much the whole day in front of the laptop minus working out and taking my niece to the pool. I'm REALLY bored being stuck at home all day like this. Anyway, I'll still celebrate the fact that I'm a whole week off PMO for the first time since I learned how to jerk off. Every second from now is a new record. It was much easier this time around. I don't feel that longing for porn like before. I guess I'm slowly learning to break off my attachment to it ever since that whole "Man, I love porn so much. I'm going to miss it." phase.

    PMO urges: 7
    Energy: 3
    Mood: 5
     
  5. Frankhell

    Frankhell I'm gonna break this rusty cage

    Re: Never Giving Up - Barrier Broken [Day 8] [Previous Record: Day 7]

    Congrats! You made it to your initial goal. Now you just have to keep going, and remember if you relapse you gotta start over. You got this! :)
     
  6. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    Re: Never Giving Up - Super Stressful Day [Day 7] [Record: Day 7]

    Yes!!! good going 'he who trains dragons'! testosterone peaks at 7 days after O, so maybe this is why you have difficulty getting past 1 week? Get into that flatline phase brother so you can ride it out! You are well on your way!
     
  7. Arthur

    Arthur Guest

    Re: Never Giving Up - Barrier Broken [Day 8] [Previous Record: Day 7]

    That's excellent, Training, getting past Day 7 and now onwards even more!! I will be "sending good thoughts your way", that your job search will end with some unexpectedly good job position!
     
  8. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Barrier Broken [Day 8] [Previous Record: Day 7]

    Awesome stuff, TrainingTheDragon. Every second, minute, hour, and day you don't PMO from this point on is a new personal best. Keep going, man.
     
  9. Franken Penis

    Franken Penis New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Barrier Broken [Day 8] [Previous Record: Day 7]

    god job but keep going and you gain momentum! every day gets you now to the "i got so far i cant give up now" state of mind.
     
  10. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Barrier Broken [Day 8] [Previous Record: Day 7]

    Thank you so much for the support guys! Arthur, keep those good thoughts coming! Totally need more lol.

    Day 8 recap


    Urges: Moderate urges today that spiked up real high at night. I just came across a porno blog on tumblr and that set me off. Looked around it and edged for a few minutes but managed to get away. Hopefully, I don't relapse tomorrow. I kept trying to do different stuff today to keep the urges away. Didn't want to spend the whole day in front of the laptop but ah well, it really can spring up on you at any time.

    General: Super low energy. Been feeling like this pretty consistently now. Not really sure why. I had to force myself to keep busy and it was pretty tough to get through the whole day. I had a good mood though. Wasn't feeling down or anything and in the evening I had a good time at the public work out. Not much else to say.

    PMO urges: 9
    Energy: 2
    Mood: 7
     
  11. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Barrier Broken [Day 8] [Previous Record: Day 7]

    Do not give yourself permission to relapse just because you broke your record.

    Stay committed.

    It's very tempting to reward yourself after going for so long.
     
  12. Franken Penis

    Franken Penis New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Barrier Broken [Day 8] [Previous Record: Day 7]

    man stay away from edging. this paves the way for an imminent relapse. that you are experiencing low enegery now could really be the first sign of real withdrawal - the healing process gets going! in my case after the first week the PMO urges get slowly less.

    you got so far. dont let it slip away - stay strong.
     
  13. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Previous Record: Day 8]

    Day 1

    I ended up PMOing right after posting here. It was to a picture and the whole session got over in less than 30 seconds so there weren't any prolonged dopamine rushes. I feel pretty guilty that I let it happen but another part of me feels like relapsing is inevitable in my current situation. I mean look at it, I don't have much going on in my life right now, no work, no money to go out and do stuff and no one to hang out with so I end up spending 90% of my time on the internet. I doubt I can achieve 90 days if I can't find anything to replace my time with. That doesn't mean I'm going to use this as an excuse to binge. I can certainly minimize how much it occurs but 90 days of boredom in front of nothing else but my laptop is a recipe for disaster. That's like a coke addict signing up for rehab in Colombia.

    I've noticed just about all the successful (and en route to being successful) rebooters have managed to find productive activities to replace their time with or at least regular people in their lives to give them a distraction.

    I'm dealing with a strong chaser effect now but I don't want this to become an all-out binge like before. It's good to focus on damage control after a slip rather than dwell on the failure.

    I'm interested in whether the low energy was an effect of the withdrawal. I feel a little more energetic today but that might be because I slept for an extra 3 hours.

    On another side of things, I've been feeling quite (what's the best word) insecure, I guess, lately. A lack of confidence. Fragile, would be the right word, like anything could knock me down. A fear of getting out of bed and facing another boring day. Okay, that's enough description.

    A part of me is wondering whether I'm making excuses for myself or I'm right in what I think. Am I getting in my own way? I'm interested in hearing what you guys have to say about that. I'm sorry to let you guys down after all the support you've been giving me. I feel worse about that more than anything right now actually.
     
  14. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Re: New Journal

    I found this to be very effective myself, but then I felt the porn sneak up on me as it always does. I'm never like "Oh time to watch porn now!" It is very subtle and sly. Anybody know a good tactic against the sneaky bastard?
     
  15. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 0] [Record: Day 7]

    Seriously man I have more respect for you than the average 20 year old trying to battle this. At 56 and you're doing this is incredible. This just gives me strength!! I feel like I can overcome this once and for all just hearing that you are in this as well. I can do this and we all can!
     
  16. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Previous Record: Day 8]

    A few things:
    1. I think you self-sabotaged yourself. I don't think you can make progress doing this with a mindset of "relapsing is inevitable". You saying that gives a signal to your mind that the moment things are starting to get tough, it's all right to fly the white flag and get away with it because hey, it's inevitable. When I "relapsed" back in my Day 14, I was already sabotaging myself 3 days prior by asking myself "How long is this going to last? This isn't going to last, is it?"

    2. I don't know what I can do to help you with your predicament of being unemployed and being unable to go out except to say that I truly sympathize with you. I know what it feels like. I know what it's feeling like.
     
  17. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Previous Record: Day 8]

    Hey I totally can relate to this. It's almost as if you can feel the PMO come on before it actually happens. So when you feel it coming get out of the house and just run! Or do something completely different, but be super aware of your thoughts. Be on extra alert!!
     
  18. Franken Penis

    Franken Penis New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Previous Record: Day 8]

    in my opinion you are making up excuses. im in almost the same situation as you. i dont have a job and spend the majority of the day in front of the computer. i even count myself lucky that i dont have one at the moment because my withdrawal sympthoms are so heavy. i even got fired out of my last job because of the pmo addiction symptoms. i couldnt really function properly in a new one.

    so i spend the majority of time watching movies. tv shows. listening to audio books. read ebooks. posting on movie forums or join a political discussion. the internet means tons of distraction. if used right it can teach you alot of new valuable stuff.
    or you can jerk off to porn - its a double-edged sword.
    also consider that when you get a job there are sometimes stressful days wich also can lead to pmo relapse after work because you need relief. dont overrate having a job in our situation - its not the magical key to the 90day PMOdetox.

    tip: you could also get up early so the heat isnt so bad and start running. costs no money and is really good for body and mind and perhaps you should minimize or even abstain from sc2 - because videogames are also a dopamine high.

    i have read your journals and i always notice that its the edging that leads to your relapses. keep your hands off your penis buddy :) no matter what. edging is a strong enemy of yours.

    you must just gain momentum. break into the 10-25 day mark and when you experience the withdrawal you get the feeling that you really dont want to get through this again.
     
  19. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Previous Record: Day 8]

    I've tried to tell myself that there shouldn't be any compromise on the mindset but it just keeps coming back to this when I look at my current situation.

    That's what I end up doing all day. I'm constantly looking for new TV shows and movies. I'm also reading new and different books so I am keeping myself occupied. I've done it for weeks and it's lost flavor to me right now. I feel quite empty at the end of the day because it's literally all day every day I spend in front of a computer screen doing these things. Do you have friends to hang out with or are you really stuck with no one but yourself? I guess I could learn something from you.

    I do exercise every day. I'm quite a fitness freak. Three strength sessions a week and cardio / gymnastic training on other days in addition to the group work outs I conduct twice a week in the evening. I cook all my meals and I'm living healthy. It's not like I sit at home binging on porn and pizza. What you said about the edging is absolutely true though. I did tempt myself last night and I could have put up a better fight.

    That being said, this was a small relapse. All relapses aren't created equal. I didn't surf and edge for hours and I didn't use the fact that I slipped to justify a binge. I've just had to reset my counter because I'm very strict about it.

    Anyway, back on to the reboot.
     
  20. Franken Penis

    Franken Penis New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Previous Record: Day 8]

    i have around 5 very close and dear friends for years now. i meet them all usually every second week. its true that this gives ALOT of support and emotional stability.

    you got your group workouts - you could organize a bicycle tour or group jogging sessions. so people can get to know each other. doesnt cost a thing.

    making new friends is usually all about going to places were people with common interests go. once you have 1 acquaintance its usually easy to get to know more people because you get introduced. also reestablishing contact to old shool mates is usually a nice shortcut.

    there was a time in my life were literally everybody i knew moved to another city or country. i ended up going alone to bars and clubs wich felt stupid at the beginning but i met people who took me to other places were i made even more friends to the point were superficial friendship was too much for me.
     

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