Never Giving Up

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TrainingTheDragon, Jul 14, 2012.

  1. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Edged a bit but made it out safe [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    Yeah man, I edged today as well when I remembered some old comics I used to jerk off to. I got dangerously close to an O, I was literally just talking myself into it (2 more seconds, 2 more seconds, etc etc.). I managed to pull away though and get off the laptop at the last second. I can only hope I get through the rest of the day. Have my group work out so that will suck up some time.
  2. Franken Penis

    Franken Penis New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Edged a bit but made it out safe [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    oh man, i tried edging the first 12 days since i started. it always led to MO or even pmo in the end. something really hungry for O always stays even if i get away.

    i would really recommend to stay away from it. i have the suspicion that this keeps you from entering full flatline.

    keep strong.
  3. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Edged a bit but made it out safe [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    That might just be the case. I'm in two minds at the moment. Whether I should get it out of my system and reset the counter or just carry on. Not feeling a strong urge at the moment but you know how it is after edging, it can turn on you in a heartbeat.
  4. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    Re: Never Giving Up - Edged a bit but made it out safe [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    Be very careful, man. When you MO or even PMO, you feel shitty for the next few days. I know when I edged, it always quickly led to the PMO. So stop edging now. It's better not to have an orgasm at this point. Best yet, it's best to have the O with sex, even though I never had it myself.
  5. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Edged a bit but made it out safe [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    Aye aye captain. Made up my mind not to PMO and go as far as I can with the reboot.
  6. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 7] [Record: Day 7]

    Day 6 recap

    Urges: What a challenge! I seriously doubted I was going to make it through the day after edging in the afternoon. Fortunately, the urges subsided in the evening after a work out. Tomorrow, I'll be at my previous best of 7 days. I've reached this point twice and failed. I guess we'll see whether the third time's the charm. I hope the edging hasn't set me back. Definitely enjoyed the dopamine for a few minutes but unlike before it didn't lead to a binge later in the day. Tomorrow, I'll need to be extra careful.

    General: I felt more optimistic today, not quite as down in the dumps as the rest of the week. I didn't bother with the job hunt, started playing Starcraft 2 instead. I had great energy levels throughout. The edging got me a little wired in the afternoon though. Like a caffeine shot (or five).

    PMO Urges: 10
    Energy: 8
    Mood: 7
  7. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 0] [Record: Day 7]

    Relapsed today to like two minutes of porn. Part of me felt like I ruined my progress with the edging over the last two days so I gave in quite easily.
  8. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 0] [Record: Day 7]

    Don't worry, I'm approaching my personal best of 14 days without MO and I can feel my brain acting up already.

    What I do worry is that you're conditioning your brain into a mindset of "He whacks off every 7 days, I'll behave on days 1-4, act up on 5-6, and get what I want on day 7". There's gotta be something that you keep on doing to keep on relapsing every week, man. Next time do the job hunt, Starcraft, gym, read a book, whatever you have to do to not relapse.
  9. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 0] [Record: Day 7]

    Yeah that seems to be the case. I'm spending way too much time alone in front of my laptop. This entire week, I barely got off my seat except to work out and what keeps me in this chair is not really being able to do anything else. I've been looking for a job for two months now and haven't even gotten any calls for interviews. I don't have money to go out not to mention that it's 45 degrees celsius on a daily basis and I don't have any friends to hang out with. The only thing I have left to do is occupy my time with the laptop which gets really boring and eventually I end up looking for small triggers.

    I would do stuff that doesn't need me to be on a laptop but I don't really have any ideas lol.

    Wasn't feeling all that great today from the start. I woke up unmotivated and lethargic. Nothing to do other than play Starcraft. I really haven't been doing anything productive for close to two weeks now. I guess I'm suffering from a serious lack of motivation. It's not depression, I've just descended into apathy due to my lackluster situation.
  10. Arthur

    Arthur Guest

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 0] [Record: Day 7]

    Hey Training the Dragon,

    I hope my advice doesn't sound corny, but here we go :)

    Today is the first day of the rest of your life. There's nothing you can do about the past. Can you go back in time and change anything? Well, on Lost perhaps they thought they could ... but yes, in real life, you can't go back. So you still have your whole life ahead of you. Try to see today as Day 1 of a New Adventure.

    Yeah, I know I'm only repeating what endless self-help people have said ad infinitum. But it's still true. :)

    If it is any help, I'm 56 years old. I'm on Day 2 of my own no M challenge. So I'm basically you with 32 years in between which I wasted.

    You've got a 32 year advantage over me!

    At the very least, if you're laughing at my crazy advice, it might be helping to lift your mood and broaden your perspective a little.

    Anyway, take care :) and Good Luck.
  11. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 0] [Record: Day 7]

    Thanks for the input Arthur and yes, that was corny. But I have to say, I read your journal and you talk like a young man, sir. The truth is I've been through endless cycles of thinking like "Tomorrow is going to be a new start" when I've realized what's most important is my ability to accept the present. The reason why that thinking has failed for me is it's more focused on 'fixing' which implies I'm broken whereas the useful perspective would be seeking 'improvement' which implies I'm good at some things, let's see what I can be better at.

    You see I'm trying to break away from black and white thinking patterns that have been a hallmark of my mental process. Interestingly, this kind of thinking is typical of people with addictive personalities. In the past, I'd consider a failure in any one of my endeavors to mean I'm a failure at everything else I do and that would lead to a depression, for a few months at times.

    Heck, it even reflects in how I play Starcraft 2 (A strategy game). The moment one of my bases get attacked or I lose a skirmish I think "Well that's that." and restart the mission. I'm currently having a mental battle with myself on why I can't beat a particular mission to the point where I feel like quitting the game. I am very easily discouraged and it's clearer now how my own head gets in the way.

    That being said, I'm noticing a slight improvement in my ability to resist this kind of black and white thinking. Earlier, being unsuccessful in a job hunt like this would've led to a massive depression and thoughts of being a total failure but I find that I'm resisting those thoughts when they come. They might spur some doubt and fear but when I think about it, I'm able to clear my head. Also, I've not been getting the results I want in terms of my fitness goals over the last two weeks but I'm sticking to my plan and documenting everything without stopping so that's another positive.

    Anyway, I'm done with completely unproductive days for now. I'll be resuming the job hunt in the morning. Nothing extreme, at least two hours.
  12. Arthur

    Arthur Guest

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Record: Day 7]

    Thanks, Training for your input. Those are some good thoughts. What I am noticing about myself in my own journey, is that some input perhaps given to me years ago, meant little at the time. But it seems to be more meaningful now. Such as thinking more about the importance of triggers, or, as you were just discussing, the importance of accepting the present. I can think back in the past to a time or times when similar advice was given to me, but I just didn't know how to apply it, or didn't want to.

    Anyway, thanks for reminding me; because that's one of the effects of P and M: forgetting very important things. So your reminder was very helpful. And it seems to mean more to me now.
  13. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 1] [Record: Day 7]

    I'm glad you found my perspective useful, Arthur.

    Day 1 recap

    Urges: Zilch.

    General: I woke up ready to be productive but I only managed an hour of job searching. Which yes, is better than zero but not nearly as much as I wanted to. Felt a lot of internal conflict today as I dealt with why I didn't search long enough, why I'm now intimidated by SC2, etc. Had a mild bout of anxiety for a few minutes as I recalled the events that led to my breakdown at my previous job. I guess the fear of that recurring is holding me back a little. It comes down to my inability to set boundaries with people and not know when I'm being taken advantage of.

    I've been meaning to read NMMNG for about a week now but have yet to do that. But hey, I've had worse days so it's alright.

    PMO Urges: 0
    Mood: 4
    Energy: 7
  14. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 3] [Record: Day 7]

    Day 2 recap

    Mild activity but easily shut it out.

    General: Woke up feeling like absolute shit. Completely dominated by hopeless thoughts and my energy was SO low. I returned to bed after a few hours but couldn't fall asleep so I decided to work out. My mood flipped after the work out and I felt much better. Read the first chapter of NMMNG, beat a tough mission on SC and watched TV for the rest of the day. Felt good about SC, kept thinking of ways to cope despite being overwhelmed at times instead of just quitting the game. Nothing special to report otherwise.

    PMO urges: 2
    Energy: 3
    Mood: 3
  15. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 4] [Record: Day 7]

    Day 3 recap

    Urges: Very strong urges for sex today. I didn't want to watch porn, I really wanted to have sex with a woman which made the fact that I don't have access to one or the money to go out and meet some quite depressing. Oh well.

    General: A bland day mood-wise. Watched shows as usual, didn't do anything else really. I was reminded today of how my habit has conditioned me for instant gratification. Gave me some food for thought. I had another awesome, vivid dream. I guess it's not much of a good sign when your dreams are more eventful than your actual life. Well, I just have to hold out until something positive comes up. A job, a friend, new relationship, etc.

    Well, I'm off to shoot webs and swing around town in my batman suit while saving Asian chicks who turn European by the end of the dream. Cheers.

    PMO Urges: 3
    Energy: 7
    Mood: 5
  16. Frankhell

    Frankhell I'm gonna break this rusty cage

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 4] [Record: Day 7]

    Your dreams sound awesome! You should journal them haha. I know how hard it is to change routines, and deal with the cravings for instant gratification. I think a good way to adapt is to just start putting yourself in new situations. Try some things you haven't done before. Maybe you could start a poker game or some team activity like ultimate frisbee in your area? Use Craigslist and post in the activity section.
  17. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 4] [Record: Day 7]

    Lol, yeah they get pretty intense! They take longer to fade away nowadays too.

    As for new activities, I've started a local fitness group and we meet twice a week. It's getting pretty popular now and definitely helps raise my mood / occupies my time. It's just all this other spare time I have left to deal with that gets to me. It's so hot now, this week it hit 50 degrees Celsius (Yes, for real) which keeps me inside until sunset and ANY activity after that costs some money that I don't have so I'm really just left at home with my laptop and way too much time on my hands.

    Day 4 recap

    Urges: I was craving sex real bad all day. I feel like a pervert lol. Sexual frustration is setting in. I don't really care much for watching porn right now. It looks like a really bland and empty activity to me. I'm sure a part of this is due to a change in my mental attitude towards this reboot. I wasn't really recognizing the fact that I'm trying to push porn out of my life forever earlier. I'd say it but every time I thought about it, I literally missed it. So lately, I've been reminding myself that this habit is out of my life forever. It's not as forced as it was earlier. That being said, I'm aware of how unpredictable this feeling may be so I'm not going to depend on it lol. It's just good to know that at moments like these as I write this, I am not in any way tempted to find some virtual stimulation even if I try to think about it because my rational mind strongly recognizes how it just leads to more emptiness.

    Super low energy today. Rolled out of bed and went back to it after two hours. My sister is going to be staying with me this week with her three kids so I'll have something to take up a little time during the day. My mood was absolute shit in the morning. I've noticed a recent trend of shitty morning moods that get better once the evening sets. All that sitting around and doing nothing from 9AM gives me way too much to do with my own head and gets me thinking in defeatist circles. On a positive note however, I feel I'll do better tomorrow.

    PMO urges: 1
    Energy: 2
    Mood: 4
  18. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 5] [Record: Day 7]

    You've started a new fitness group and you got her sister and her kids coming around to stay with you for a week. No better time to break 7 days man.
  19. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Never Giving Up [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    Day 5 recap

    Urges: Non-existent. I craved sex a little but nothing major. However, the mental stress I went through today was the kind that typically led me to PMO binges. Fortunately, I didn't seek it out.

    General: Super stressful day. My brother got me a link to a good company here. But I need to write an email to the CEO explaining my aspirations and what I'm doing to achieve them. That's when the panic set in. I could write in some half made up bullshit just to get the job but I'd never be able to keep up a facade like that through interview after interview so I'm trying to be honest in what I write. The truth is I just need the money and my real interests are far removed from the qualifications I currently have and the roles that they are hiring for. Not to mention I've spent the last year doing random stuff that has no place in this industry so I'm trying to represent it as something I did to help me identify goals for myself. Which is true in part.

    I just find myself crippled at the thought of being intensely judged by what I write down. Not to mention my parents and brother will get to read this. Actually I'm more nervous about being judged by my folks I guess. I could care less what the CEO thinks. I've been stressing about this all day. Finally managed to finish the message but right now I've over-thought every word in it to the point that I can't tell where I'm real and where I'm stretching the truth. I also don't know whether I come across as a loon with the way I'm writing. This is but one example of how my mind gets in the way of my actions.

    It's very much like the behavior described in NMMG. I'm looking for the 'right' way to put things down without really expressing myself. After all this intense concentration and stressing out, I'm not even sure what I want to express. The distinction is that this IS a situation where you need to put the right things down. It's not a social interaction or a conversation with a friend. Earlier I felt like deciding that I don't want this kind of work but then I remembered I have no other way to make money. I need to sleep now. So tired with all this thinking. I'll go through it when I get up and have my brother review it (eep).

    PMO urges: 2
    Energy: 4
    Mood: 5
  20. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Never Giving Up - Super Stressful Day [Day 6] [Record: Day 7]

    I think that's awesome that your brother's been able to link you up with a job. I've got the same problem as well when applying for a job. How the hell do I convince these guys that I'm applying because I need a job more than because the job is a great fit for my career? But on the other hand, it looks like companies are trying to filter out people who are applying just for the sake of a job as well. If that was not the case, you wouldn't have to write to the CEO telling him what you want to achieve for him. Good luck.

    Really hope you'll make it past Day 7 this time.

Share This Page