By my troth, I think you nailed this on the head! Especially that bit about the self-hating white-knuckling gents. I do recognize the limited vision, the false motivation to vanquish the monster immediately post-relapse. One ingredient still missing from my journey is total self-acceptance. I do what I can to forgive my past, to be kind to myself. But the transition will take some time. If only we, on this forum, were all aware of this so that we could get this transition started. Unfortunately, not all of us are. What great insight. But I wonder... is sobriety the right term? I was thinking about fulfillment or happiness (sobriety does not even feel necessary if you have the first two). But I get it that you would need sobriety first in order to leave the relapse cycle behind. For me, the way to happiness and fulfillment would be got through cessation of all suffering. And I believe that it is something we can connect to within ourselves.