Need to succeed for a brighter future

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Mike Irish, Nov 14, 2018.

  1. Mike Irish

    Mike Irish New Member

    I have never done this kind of forum posting before so not really sure how to begin.

    I have had a 20 year “affair” with PMO and its killing my life. It started out innocent but I didn’t realize at the time in my younger years that it was having an effect on my outlook to life, relationships, motivations etc. I had another medical problem that made intimacy difficult and so I used PMO as crutch to rely on up to my mid twenties. It’s wasnt too intense, maybe only 3 to 4 times a week.

    Then around the age of 26 I started to use escorts and this became a new addiction along with PMO. Basically I didn’t need to build any real relationships with women even though I had female friends, experienced some one night stands and was normal on the outside. However a terrible depression was building up inside me. I started getting anxiety, panic, lose it my hair. I kept changing jobs when things became too much, I would blame the jobs. Now I know it was mostly down to the secret behavior and double life I was living.

    I went through a 2 year period of no PMO after having a breakdown and rebuilding my life subsequently. I had the best 2.5 years of my life, I met somebody and we fell in love. I slipped into bad behavior again though and my personality changed and I started to suffer from ED.

    We broke up a year ago and I have been self loathing since and self medicating. My life is starting to spiral out of control again.

    I have told a counselor of my problem and it has helped in confiding in somebody.

    I started my journey last night after binging over the weekend.

    I no longer want to stop this addiction, I know need to stop to protect my future.

    I’m going to keep an update here every 1 to 2 days to explain how I am getting on. I would really appreciate any helpful support/comments from people out there.

    I’m sitting an initial 30 day challenge as I have achieved easily before and I will go from there then.
  2. Mike Irish

    Mike Irish New Member

    Day 2

    I feel ok, no real urges. Have kept busy in today. Humility and self respect are two key themes that I am going to reinforce to myself along this journey.
  3. Mike Irish

    Mike Irish New Member

    Day 6

    Happy with how I am coping and avoiding temptation by keeping busy.

    Going to the gym, working hard in work, being more sociable.

    I did have some weak moments yesterday but was able to withstand.

    Taking one day at a time
    Gilgamesh likes this.

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