I have never done this kind of forum posting before so not really sure how to begin. I have had a 20 year “affair” with PMO and its killing my life. It started out innocent but I didn’t realize at the time in my younger years that it was having an effect on my outlook to life, relationships, motivations etc. I had another medical problem that made intimacy difficult and so I used PMO as crutch to rely on up to my mid twenties. It’s wasnt too intense, maybe only 3 to 4 times a week. Then around the age of 26 I started to use escorts and this became a new addiction along with PMO. Basically I didn’t need to build any real relationships with women even though I had female friends, experienced some one night stands and was normal on the outside. However a terrible depression was building up inside me. I started getting anxiety, panic, lose it my hair. I kept changing jobs when things became too much, I would blame the jobs. Now I know it was mostly down to the secret behavior and double life I was living. I went through a 2 year period of no PMO after having a breakdown and rebuilding my life subsequently. I had the best 2.5 years of my life, I met somebody and we fell in love. I slipped into bad behavior again though and my personality changed and I started to suffer from ED. We broke up a year ago and I have been self loathing since and self medicating. My life is starting to spiral out of control again. I have told a counselor of my problem and it has helped in confiding in somebody. I started my journey last night after binging over the weekend. I no longer want to stop this addiction, I know need to stop to protect my future. I’m going to keep an update here every 1 to 2 days to explain how I am getting on. I would really appreciate any helpful support/comments from people out there. I’m sitting an initial 30 day challenge as I have achieved easily before and I will go from there then.