Need to find a way out of my head.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by moose, Sep 25, 2020.

  1. moose

    moose Member

    Last night I had intense fantasies flash in my head while I was trying to fall asleep. Some were with my fiance others were kinda P related. I would always try to change my mind. But they kept coming back. I tried to analyze why this was happening. I felt very anxious like I was not good enough. My relationship ship anxiety was high. I was also anxious about maybe never getting the use of my dick back.

    I told my self, before the addiction stopped me from feeling these things. The addiction wanted me to mute this out. I need to feel these emotions to be healthy. I need to analyze these feelings and find their origin.

    It became clear the pattern I kept doing in the past. I used porn and masterbation to sooth myself. I need to learn to sooth myself in other ways.

    Aside from that I had some more nocturnal erections. But woke up today with no morning wood. I'm feeling very fragile today. But I can smile and know I'm a good path to heal. I just hope I get my erections back and get out of this PIED.
     
  2. moose

    moose Member

    My anxiety is high right now. Mostly my relationship anxiety. Because I have PIED I can't please my fiance. I don't feel like a man. My anxiety is so high. Everytime she is on the phone, I think she is talking to another guy. I feel not good enough. I just want this to end. I want to be a good lover, a great partner and a good man. I'm so lost and insecure right now.

    I feel like a needy child right now. I haven't said anything. Because I know these things are not true. But why can't I just drop this feeling.
     
  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the anxiety and the mindset. Maybe some meditation could help ?

    I don't think that PIED makes you less of a man in any kind of way. You are a man !! (I mean it).

    If you're fighting to improve this aspect of yourself, that's very manly right there I would think.

    It sounds like maybe you have some distrust/insecurity with the relationship. Is there any way to talk about this with your fiance ? To actually find out objectively what she thinks about your situation ? This could increase intimacy and then it may help you rewire with her (when you want to do it).

    All the best !
     
  4. moose

    moose Member

    I have alot of hurt from past relationships. I had a gf leave me for a deadbeat drug dealer. She basically told me he was a better man in everyway. This fucked with my head. Years later I heard he was in jail. His family and friends.

    I saw him a couple years later standing on the street selling drugs in the same shithole project.

    Anyway that really fucked me up. I never got over it.
     
  5. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

    Good luck with this. Unhappily I relate to you on this. But this is something we have to overcome. Staying away from porn and curing PIED is very important for guys like us, but being in peace with our past is also fundamental. It takes time... But it’s not easy. You are not alone, friend.
     
    moose likes this.
  6. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Yeah I can really understand that. Unfortunately sometimes we give too much power to what people think of us. Especially those so close and important to us. Maybe that guy was not better then you, nor you better then him, since you are both humans. He was a "deadbeat drug dealer" - maybe he was messed up. Not to excuse him. Just another messed up person who is doing fucked up things as a result.

    Guess you have to look for some closure somehow and also see if it's possible to discuss the current fears you have with your current fiancé.

    I know this is all "easier said then done" - but maybe these ideas can help a little.
     
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  7. moose

    moose Member


    Thanks for the post. You guys keep me going and motivated.
     
  8. moose

    moose Member

    This is great advice. Maybe I'll talk with her in the next week. If not this week I will eventually.
     
  9. moose

    moose Member

    Things have been going pretty good these past few days. I feel positive, I'm able to feel my anxiety but it is alot easier to combat with some positive self talk.

    Work has been busy and I haven't been sleeping well lately so getting through the day has been tough.
     
    Shady likes this.
  10. moose

    moose Member

    Wow I just checked and it's day 34.

    So Sunday my fiance and a had successful sex. I mean I and her had to physically stimulate me to a get full erection. But it was 80-90% full and it worked!

    Plus I didn't feel the foreign feeling and the disconnect. I felt connected to her and in the moment. It was great!
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  11. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

    Happy for you. It should even get better with time. I hope you are well. I know you are struggling with depression, and started taking medications... I hope you are okay, friend. Keep us posted.
     
    moose likes this.
  12. moose

    moose Member

    Thanks!

    I'm doing great, been meeting with my therapist almost weekly. It has helped big time. The meds are also helping bit I've learned alot of strategies to deal with my anxiety. I feel like I'm on the right path to recover from PIED but most importantly from my depression and anxiety.
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.

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