First of all want to thank everyone on this website.... reading your stories and advice helped me in taking my first few steps in my recovery. Having reached day 70 and having made a discouraging realization at day 65, i need you help and some advice. P.s. English is not my first language, so my sentence structure and expressions may be a little stilted and strange.... please don't hold it against me Short backstory: I'm 37, Smoker since i was 21 years old and i have been suffering from excessive masturbation and also porn addiction since i was around 17 years old. Throughout the first few years of my addiction (first 6 or 7 years), i don't think i had a day without masturbating at least once a day. And had at least a day a week where i masturbated 3 to 4 times that day. After these first few years i started masturbating about 5 to 6 times a week. and in the last few years 3 or 4 times a week. Porn history: From what i remember, i started using pictures of porn (Playboy, hustler, stuff like that ) from 17 to around 20 years old, and then when we had fast enough internet, moved to video pornography moving forward. By 26 years i needed porn to masturbate and climax. By 30 years, i was starting to go into the extreme porn stuff (compilations, hentai, and so on). And finally around 35 years i gotten to the point i was starting to have trouble finding porn that even got me hard anymore. and in the last two years, i have been winding down. Sexual dysfunction history: When i got into my first sex encounter around age 23, i was able to maintain a erection with a condom on, but i could not achieve crimix. At that time i though it was the condom, but looking back, it's clear that it was the first sign or trouble. Few years later (i was around 24), i got into a steady relation and has sex without a condom.... still could not climax from normal sex. i would have sex for about 20 to 30 minutes and then i could feel my erection starting to weaken, so would pull out and masturbate for a few minutes before climaxing. Over about a year, the time i could maintain a erection during sex shortened and the time i had to masturbate to climax increased and eventually it broke apart my relation with that woman. That happened when i was 25 years old and since then i did not have another steady relation.... only a few sexual encounters with a few girls years apart....and again, could not climax and maintain a erection was very difficult. i even started using Viagra which helped hold a erection, but i still could not climax and over time even Viagra stopped helping. My First and Current reboot attempt (70 days in already, i must succeed): After discovering this site, and a few videos, i started by reboot. Some of the highlights: Note: Throughout the entire reboot i had no interest in watching porn in video format at all. i do struggle with pictures though. Bonus: 6 months before starting this reboot, at 1.82 Meters (5.9 feet) height, i was 102 GK (225 points). Now i lost 30 KG (66 pounds). i look and feel much better then before. Day 1 to 10: -after a few days, got a bit of morning wood (got weak strength morning wood about 4 out of 10 days). Day 10 to 20: -penis feels a bit bigger and a bit heavier... its default flaccid state is a bit bigger and looks healthier . Morning wood a bit stronger (got weak to medium strength morning wood about 4 out of 10 days). Day 20 to 25: - hey everything is going great... how about i make a account on a online dating app for when i'm cured.... Mistake....Floodgates almost open up.... Look at some dating profiles.... stumble over a escort service masquerading as a dating profile, go to escort service... see soft core amateur picture porn and some hardcore amateur pictures. Do not masturbate, but keep reading and watching soft and hardcore pictures of escort service ads. Never masturbate or feel the need to masturbate, but i can't seem to close the door on this... i feel the need to check my matrimonial profile and browse the site. This will persist until day 65 where i realized something that really crushed my spirit. Day 25 to 35: -sometimes get flashes of past porn videos i watched throughout the day. For example i'm walking down the street and see a attractive woman.... and for a few seconds before i block it and redirect my mind to something else, i get these flashes of porn images and scenes and scenes running in my head... some of past porn scenes I've watched, some of imaginary scenes with me and the woman in question. Penis reacts immediately for those few seconds i loose control. day 35 to 45: -no interest in watching video porn but the matrimonial/escort forum browsing issue is still there. No more flashes of past porn when seeing a attractive woman, but the flashes of me with that woman are still there... which is better probably.... at least now i'm running my own sex fantasies instead of reruns of old porno's . Also, my penis immediately reacts and if i allow myself to play out my fantasies about that woman, i would get a full erection. Also something funny i started noticing, whenever i get really sexually excited when seeing a attractive woman, sometimes i sneeze.... i think this might be similar to how some guys have blood shot out of their nose when they get to excited.... it seems i sneeze. day 45 to 55: no interest in watching video porn, Stopped smoking cigarettes or anything else at day 45... have morning wood 9 out ten days now and it's strong 7 out of 9 days. Also while reading on a forum something about what some woman thing about some sexual acts i'm into, read the comment of a woman which was really into something i also liked. My penis got erect in 15 seconds at 100%.... so now even reading vanilla text about sexual acts i kind of like is enough to get me hard. Not sure if this is progress. day 55 to 64: A sum up. Penis looks healthier, feels heavier and the tip of my penis is much more sensitive now. My penis will respond if i see a pretty woman and i allow myself to fantasize about her. Libido is better now also (Notice woman on street much more then before, want to have sex with them). Feel much more confident (weight loss also helps). Day 65: By chance, got in touch via text chat with a woman i had a fuck buddy kind of relation about 6 years ago for a few months. She is really REALLY into giving oral sex so since this is what she really likes, i was able to get some satisfaction with her since it was much easier with just oral sex (even so i could not climax though, had to finish off by hand). I get hard 100% strength just reading a few sentences of the oral things she wants to do to me if i invited her to my place. And then i realize something, i can get a erection now in 15 seconds and i'm at 100%, but if don't actively physically stimulate my penis with my hand, i loose my erection completely in 15 condos. i noticed that through my hot sexually explicit chat conversation with the woman in question, my penis went up to 100% and down to 0% 3 times in about 10 minutes. so i did a experiment: I get erect to 100% by talking via chat with this woman, put the phone down, stop thinking about anything, stand up and look at my penis. I lost my erection in a few second.... i could actually see my heart beats from the motion of how my erection was going down... my penis is erect at a 80 degree angle and with each heart beat, my penis went down a few degrees. This realization has crushed my spirits completely 5 days ago... stopped talking to that woman, stopped watching the matrimonial/escort website also. Very depressed. Day 65 to 70: i have read up on and try find other people that hit this problem of achieving erection, but loosing erection the moment stimulation stops. So now i have some questions for the community here: 1. Please let me know if any of you also hit this problem of being able to get erections, but instantly loosing them if stimulation stops. And if yes, how did you overcome it. Note: i don't think it's a physical problem because my morning wood lasts at least a few minutes before starting to go down after i wake up... especially since i stopped smoking. 2. Do any of you have any experience with Meditation? If yes, can you explain exactly how it works and what you did exactly for the meditation to be effective. 3. starting from last week, i have been doing cardio (going swimming 3 days a week) and staring from next week, i will also be doing body building (again 3 days a week of weight lifting). I have also started integrating foods into my diet which help with erection dysfunction problems and increase erection strength/sexual desire (eating dark chocolate, bananas, oats and milk). Any other things i should be doing ? This is what i'm thinking now: i found this article called "Age 24 – ED cured at 85 days: Meditation helps". This guy got cured by incorporating meditation in his second reboot .... got a 60 day reboot started, then relapsed, then a few weeks later started another reboot where he allowed himself to masturbate twice a week without porn of course and around day 85 with meditation integrated into his reboot got completely cured 85 days into his second reboot. i'm thinking of trying the same. Any guidance would be appreciated. I go to the full 90 day No Masturbation and absolutely no porn (porn never again). Will stop looking at escort or matrimonial sites also. i'm sure i can do it. i will also try to do this meditation stuff starting from next week (if you have any experience with this meditation stuff, please help ). After reaching 90 days, i see two options before me: 1. There is the ex fuck buddy woman i mentioned. I don't find her that attractive now, but i am really comfortable with her and she has a real talent for giving head.... so i could go to her and see if she can keep me hard and make me orgasm without me touching my penis at all. 2. Go to a really hot and attractive escort that i'm really sexually attracted to and get a hand-job/blow job and see how it goes.