Starting off at Day 36 Start date: June 16th 2019 I have been trying to quit PMO for almost 5 years now. But no luck. The longest streak I ever did was 60 days and after that I relapsed. What's new this time? I have been reading the book "Whack" and following Jordan peterson videos and books. I screwed up lot of my relationships in the past. Wasted lot of my young days jacking off and now I feel like a total waste. I suffer from PIED and I always back off when I see that a relationship is getting serious. I am a decent looking guy and go on dates but I do get hesitant when things get sexual. I dont want to dwell too much into the past. I am 32 years old. All my friends have settled down, have a wife or a girl friend who they are going to get married soon, kids and have bought a house. I am still living a single life, meeting random women on dating websites who themselves don't know what they want or what they are looking for. Life is just going on and on! When I relapsed last time, things were not good. I was deeply hurt and was unable to look at my life which I have destroyed myself. I was binging porn for 7 to 8 hours straight which is quite unusual for me. I am experiencing severe flatline this time. I feel dead down there. Feel very tired all the time, feel bored and lifeless. I don't find work interesting or doing anything constructive. I am questioning the purpose of life. But I don't feel suicidal. I used to live in a studio earlier but now moved to a shared apartment so that I dont feel lonely. There are lot of people nearby and I keep meeting them for evening walks and talks. I am confident that I am developing a good network here so that I don't feel lonely and empty. I have to develop some hobbies and I dont have any! I keep staring at the hobby list on internet but don't find anything interesting.