Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Libertad, Oct 22, 2013.
Just a few thoughts.
About Free Will:
If we really had free will, wouldn´t we will ourselfes to do what would be the best to reach our desired outcome every time?
In terms of PMO, why didn´t I will myself to give it up twenty seven years ago? I knew after a few times of PMO that it was bad for me and it always left me depressed and without motivation afterwards.
The ego wants me to believe that there is a free will, that every decission is made by myself and I am the one who sits in the drivers seat in my life and that I can be proud of myself if I accomplish something I wanted and if I did not reach it yet, I just have to try harder and use more willpower.
Looking back, the reality for me was contrary. The more I used willpower and tried to resist what I did not want, the harder it got and the less progress I made.
When I gave up, in wanting to control the outcome and took full responsibility for everything as best as I could, even recognizing and acknowledging and accepting that a lot of things seem out of my control, things started to go smother.
The key for me is to be more outcome independent. Not to judge every little feedback as failure or success, but simply as feedback and not to question or doubt my whole proccess every time.
To not judge a relapse too harshly in case it will happen in the future, or to see it as a sign that my approach and proccess I implemented was necessarily wrong and needs to be changed.
To put the main energy in becoming consistant in the proccess of things like meditation and do them independent of relapses or reaching the big goal.
To be more in the present and look reality in the eye no matter how much it may hurt in the moment.
Disclaimer: This is a heavily religious/philosophical post and not everyone will agree with this, I just calls it like I sees it... no offense intended to anyone, just presenting what I believe is the worldview presented in the Bible. I absolutely acknowledge I can't force this worldview on anyone else.
Ah ha, but the thing about free will is that we are imperfect beings - a Biblical concept is that we are "fallen" or "slaves to sin". So we do have freedom to make choices but in my own experience I will choose the wrong way as much or more than I choose the right way.
We were created in God's image and so we shouldn't be surprised when someone, even an atheist, behaves in an honourable way. But also, we are all sinful to the core and we shouldn't be surprised when someone, even a religious person, behaves in an awful manner. In fact the Bible reports we don't have the capability on our own to revert back to choosing good behaviour (check out Jeremiah 13:23 for example: "Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard his spots? Then also you can do good who are accustomed to do evil." Or, Ephesians 2 which says we are "dead" in our sin.)
So, "free will" is a loaded term. Yes we make real genuine decisions and are therefore responsible for those outcomes, but, that doesn't guarantee we will use that free will for positive outcomes.
So what's the good news? Carry on in Eph. 2 - God sent Christ to make us alive again, out of our sin. We are saved by grace (that means it's undeserved and not based on our works) through faith (God asks us not to trust in ourselves but to trust in Christ to save us, forgive us, change us, bring that life and enable us to make honourable choices). The work of Christ helps us to come back to being what he originally made us to be before sin was in the picture: Ephesians 2:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
In any case, sounds like you are on solid footing and congrats on 5 months.
Thanks for taking the time.
What I want to say for now, is that I don´t feel or think that I deserve the progress I made and the more than five months of no PMO.
Difficult to explain, but after years, not years, decades of struggling to give up PMO, this time it is going smooth and almost effortless. I am not an esotherik person or very spiritual, but it is almost as if a force outside of myself does the work for me. Don´t get me wrong, a lot of things in my life are still not were they probably should be in my opinion, but the PMO thing is going almost effortless without my will or my power. I am gratefull for it, because after decades of struggling I was about to give up. I came to the point to admitt that I can´t do it by myself. The proof was in the countless attempts.
Hundreds, more like thousands of times I tried to convince myself that this time would be the last time, but it never was. I reached a point around six months ago, that I said to myself, that honestly, I can´t say when will be the last time that I will do it, and that it seems out of my control and that I don´t trust myself any more when it comes to PMO. I still think this way.
I can´t say that I will never PMO again, because when it comes to PMO I can´t trust myself and I countless times disapointed myself with going back on my word that I gave myself. Strangely enough, in hindsight, something seem to have changed and things started to go smoother. I wanted to mention it here, it may help others who are judgemental and harsh against themselfes after relapsing for decades. There is something about not resisting any more and be extremly honest and take full responsibility as best as I can. It is not pride, maybe I will relapse today or tomorrow. I am not sure and can´t be certain about myself and my actions when it comes to doing PMO and relapsing. I burned myself too many times.
About free will, I will repeat reading what you wrote a few times over the next few days. My thought for now are, that we can decide to return to the father, after we suffered enough and our ego at least partially died, and than god can change us, he lets us see ouselfes and our actions, because we ourselfes can´t do it. I can´t do it. I tried it for decades, it did not work for me.
The sin is not our doings like PMO, smoking pot or whatever it is that we do, the sin is playing god in our lifes, that we think that we can change ourselfes, our ego does not want the truth, it does not want to lose or give up the control over our lifes. The ego, which wants to play god in our lifes, is the nature of satan.
Maybe I am wrong about it and my view is not right on these things. I am open to whatever gets revealed. I was wrong so many times in my life, especially with this PMO thing, that I don´t trust myself any more. I am more and more adapting a wait and see attitude. Trying to take on a believe does not work for me, I have to see it for myself.
At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self.
Brendan Behan (irish writter)
And I (We?) tried to fill it with outside things and drugs like PMO for decades.
The difference between happyness and pleasure and what it does to us when we seek pleasure which is relevant for PMO users. He also talks about diets.
The Hacking of the American Mind with Dr. Robert Lustig
Great resource! Thanks for sharing.
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