My way to Liberty

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Libertad, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    My English neither, but now see that it was actually clear. I have been interested in such kind of diets, but cant stand lactose that well. I guess then theres just not so much to eat like for breakfast. But Ill check those Schmidt videos. Thanks!
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2019
  2. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Here is a good short Video from Dr. Berry on how to start a Keto diet. Good luck.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  3. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Day 16. I have a lot to do over the next three days, a lot of things I dont like, but our society obligates us to do. These are the days I wish I was living in the woods or on an island. Maybe the addict in me wanting to escape responsibility. Talked to a women in a Supermarket yesterday who let me cut in in the row in front of her because I had only a few items. It wasnt awkward for me and felt normal. I know that it is and should be normal, but while doing PMO almost every interaction with People felt awkward to me. Small steps.
     
  4. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    My first post here on my Journal was on 23.10.2013, almost 6 years ago. I tried countless times to stop. I wrote about my deepest feelings, I went to therapy for many years in this time, I talked about my deepest fears and Feelings. I moved to another City, I changed my live completly, but I was not able to Change and leave PMO behind me. I admitt that I am weak to this drug of my choice. I accept that I seem unable to Change. I mean, I have to accept the fact, that I have been unable to Change. I have tried everything that I could think of and what was suggested to me. I feel like a failure, I feel that I should post something motivational for others, something positive, something who encourages others and myself. But the Facts are, that after almost six years, trying as hard as I can, I was not able to Change my live in terms of PMO.
    I found the following Video from Jesse Lee Perterson, titled: You can not Change your live, just let go and live.

    I will give his suggestions a trie.
    So here I am, almost 46 years old and still using PMO from time to time and I am ashamed of it.
    All the best for you all out there.
     
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  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Good to hear from you!

    Here's another video from a Peterson. Basically he's saying the same thing.

     
    A New Man likes this.
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    But didnt you strongly reduce your dependence on porn? And increase life quality? Imagine where you can be in another 6 years. I am sure you got further than you realize right now. Will check those videos!
     
  7. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    It is almost a year that I posted here. Thanks Saville and Gil79 for your responses. Will watch the video later and think about what you said Gil79.

    I stayed away from the forum to see if it would help not to think and write about PMO for a while and not to feel the constant need to change.
    I was not able to quit PMO. The longest I went since last year without it was around 25 days.
    Nothing to be proud of after so many years of trying to overcome this.

    There are a few things I want to accomplish and I see no way to do that while addicted to PMO. It stripps me of all my motivation and energy.
    So I will try again more activly to find a way to live without it.
     
  8. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi Libertad,

    I had a similar approach to yourself. My last long reboot attempt was about 6 years ago I think. I ended up lapsing at around 120 (although I’m not sure if those 120 days were entirely honest). I didn’t try as many different things as you did in an attempt to stop, however, I also wasn’t able to stop.

    I then thought I’d take a break from thinking about PMO so much and see if it would help. It turned out it didn’t and so I decided to join the forum here a month and a half ago.

    I’m not sure how I think about my previous rebooting attempts now. Maybe I wasn’t taking them seriously enough, or maybe I simply wasn’t ready for it. I think a large part of my reboot now is that I’m really working towards something that I want to do in life and that is giving me a lot of meaning. I am also determined not to screw it up in any ways so that gives me an extra layer of motivation not to PMO.

    There seem to be so many different stories from folks about how long it takes and how easy/difficult it was to reboot. Just because you’ve spent years trying to overcome this inthe past, doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to do so now and in the future. It a good idea to reflect about how you’re going to go about rebooting now, and what did/didn’t work in the past and why you think that may have been he case.

    Hope that helps.
     
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Good to hear from you @Libertad

    We need a clear goal to overcome our addictive behaviour, so that sounds really good!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  10. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    All I can offer is the encouragement that if I can do it anybody can, but I can also offer the perspective of having interviewed dozens of successful quitters for the various books and articles I've written on the subject, most of whom, like me, had over 20 years of (and let's call it what it is) pornography addiction. Many are afraid to use the term "addict" and that's fine. Call it a compulsion, bad habit, negative behavior, whatever. Don't get hung up on semantics. Recovery is really about releasing yourself from the addiction, not fighting it. I can tell you in my case and in 100% -- yes, 100% -- of the successful cases of longterm recovery, one-on-one cognitive behavioral therapy was a piece of the solution. For many, addiction is a symptom of an undiagnosed mental illness. For even more, it's a subconcious way to deal with unresolved trauma (that many don't even recognize they have.) The white-knucklers, NoFappers, dopamine fasters, and people who think they can do it themselves may stop now and then, but they're not addressing the most important question: How did I get this way? When you can work through that with a professional, you'll find what I discovered and what so many others have, quitting is much, much easier.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2020
  11. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi Joshua,

    If you were to recommend any one book that I could use to learn about and try out CBT for myself, what would you recommend? I realise that this is not the same as one-to-one with a professional, but it sounds like it would be a good idea to look into it.
     
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  12. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    I would urge you not to explore this mode of therapy alone. It needs a guide. That said, another form of therapy that helped me when it came to those in the moment cravings or when I have been triggered over the years is dialectal behavior therapy. It's about pulling yourself out of a moment and centering yourself, although I can't do it justice in one second. In this case, while I was taught it by a therapist, I learned how it really do it on my own with the book, "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance Book by Jeffrey Brantley, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Matthew McKay"
    Just keep in mind what hasn't worked in the past, will not magically start working in the future. The most important part about what I wrote was that I've never seen anybody beat this thing on their own, without some form of professional help. I know it's embarrassing, I know it cost money, I know there's always 100 reasons to try something else, but you get one life to live...how much has been wasted on this bullshit?
     
  13. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    @Joshua Shea makes a good point, very few people make progress on their own.
    I was in one community and there was a guy, he probably learned some of it with other people, this guy walked in turned aside from his problems with P. and then frustrated people because they did not appreciate that he was coming from the same place as them. He still had a heart for working with that group the last I heard. Guys like him are in the exception not the norm. Which I am glad about because I string together periods of no PMO but when I do drop the ball I feel the shame of being the only one, until I realise that many people have gone that way before me.

    Peace and every good
     
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  14. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi Joshua, thanks for the information. I’ve just got the The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook.

    During this reboot I’ve started to train myself in advance for when the cravings come. I’ve doing body scans, and putting attention in other parts of my body as means to take away the intensity that comes if I keep my focus on where the cravings are coming from. That seems to be helping a lot so far. I’ve also established a daily meditation practice, and I’m working on replacing the PMO with working on my side business, which I get a lot of pleasure/challenge from. Working on the business is helping me to grow in all sorts of ways, so I feel that this will be a major contributor to my recovery as well. I’m also now exercising everyday, which is building my discipline as well as the health benefits.

    When I tried various reboots in the past, it was basically white-knuckling it, and as you mentioned, what hasn’t worked in the past will not magically start working in the future.

    I’m also going to work through the Recovery Workshop at recovery nation.com
     

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