Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Libertad, Oct 22, 2013.
Yeah, what's up, Lib?
@titan_transcendence and @Saville thanks for asking. I am at day 12 today and my mood changes between, it is going ok and totally depressed.
From the beginning of the month I also started a Zero (under 20g/day) Carb Keto style Eating. Maybe this plays into the mood thing too a bit till my Body becomes more adapted to it. I am doing it mainly because of my back, hip and knee pain to see if it helps with the inflamation.
I try not to be too hard on myself when thinking about all my relapses. Beating myself up for the past to motivate myself for the future never worked in the past. I came to an agreemant with myself which I hopefully will be able to honor to not make a big deal out of a relapse in case I give in again, and imediately hopp on the waggon again. I am determined to build myself a live worth living, thats my main goal. It would be nice and the best to never PMO again, but in case it happens my world will hopefully not colapse again because of the relapse. I need to have a bigger goal in live than the not to relapse one. In the end my talk is only talk and theory as long as it is not going into motion and action. Small Actions and changes each day and whenever possible. My motivation is still very low, the Thing holding me back is myself. I think from my experience there is no Point for me to think to much About and why my Motivation is so low as Long as I dont stay away from PMO for a few months because we all know that PMO is a uge factor in sucking our energy and motivation out of us as Long as we do it. No more excuses, it were not the cravings or urges, it was me who decided each time to do it.
I still enjoy the walks with the dog very much and also I started to walk alone in nature very early in the morning at 5 am when almost no one is around.
Have a nice Sunday you all.
Indeed, otherwise you'll walk up against the 'now what?' barrier. I think that is also why it is so difficult to get back on the wagon after a relapse after a long streak. You will think 'OK I can do it again, but then what?'. It's just another void.
Btw, how can you function on just 20g of food a day?
Now that is being realistic. Trying to change all at once never works.
Maybe I expresed it wrong, my english is not at 100%. What I meant is, that I eat Protein and fat as much as I want and try to keep the carbohydrates at a Minimum of under 20g/day to get into the ketonic state. No processed Foods, no wheat, no sugar, no grains. Dr. Darren Schmidt has a few good videos about this way of eating. I was vegan for 4,5years but it did not help with my Health issues besides from loosing weight. Now I try this way of Eating. It is a 180 compared to my vegan time. Lots of animal Protein and fat. I relapsed with Eating this way a few times over the last few months also. The cravings to chocolate, sweets and bread can be very strong.
This is great!
My English neither, but now see that it was actually clear. I have been interested in such kind of diets, but cant stand lactose that well. I guess then theres just not so much to eat like for breakfast. But Ill check those Schmidt videos. Thanks!
Here is a good short Video from Dr. Berry on how to start a Keto diet. Good luck.
Day 16. I have a lot to do over the next three days, a lot of things I dont like, but our society obligates us to do. These are the days I wish I was living in the woods or on an island. Maybe the addict in me wanting to escape responsibility. Talked to a women in a Supermarket yesterday who let me cut in in the row in front of her because I had only a few items. It wasnt awkward for me and felt normal. I know that it is and should be normal, but while doing PMO almost every interaction with People felt awkward to me. Small steps.
My first post here on my Journal was on 23.10.2013, almost 6 years ago. I tried countless times to stop. I wrote about my deepest feelings, I went to therapy for many years in this time, I talked about my deepest fears and Feelings. I moved to another City, I changed my live completly, but I was not able to Change and leave PMO behind me. I admitt that I am weak to this drug of my choice. I accept that I seem unable to Change. I mean, I have to accept the fact, that I have been unable to Change. I have tried everything that I could think of and what was suggested to me. I feel like a failure, I feel that I should post something motivational for others, something positive, something who encourages others and myself. But the Facts are, that after almost six years, trying as hard as I can, I was not able to Change my live in terms of PMO.
I found the following Video from Jesse Lee Perterson, titled: You can not Change your live, just let go and live.
I will give his suggestions a trie.
So here I am, almost 46 years old and still using PMO from time to time and I am ashamed of it.
All the best for you all out there.
Good to hear from you!
Here's another video from a Peterson. Basically he's saying the same thing.
But didnt you strongly reduce your dependence on porn? And increase life quality? Imagine where you can be in another 6 years. I am sure you got further than you realize right now. Will check those videos!
It is almost a year that I posted here. Thanks Saville and Gil79 for your responses. Will watch the video later and think about what you said Gil79.
I stayed away from the forum to see if it would help not to think and write about PMO for a while and not to feel the constant need to change.
I was not able to quit PMO. The longest I went since last year without it was around 25 days.
Nothing to be proud of after so many years of trying to overcome this.
There are a few things I want to accomplish and I see no way to do that while addicted to PMO. It stripps me of all my motivation and energy.
So I will try again more activly to find a way to live without it.
I had a similar approach to yourself. My last long reboot attempt was about 6 years ago I think. I ended up lapsing at around 120 (although I’m not sure if those 120 days were entirely honest). I didn’t try as many different things as you did in an attempt to stop, however, I also wasn’t able to stop.
I then thought I’d take a break from thinking about PMO so much and see if it would help. It turned out it didn’t and so I decided to join the forum here a month and a half ago.
I’m not sure how I think about my previous rebooting attempts now. Maybe I wasn’t taking them seriously enough, or maybe I simply wasn’t ready for it. I think a large part of my reboot now is that I’m really working towards something that I want to do in life and that is giving me a lot of meaning. I am also determined not to screw it up in any ways so that gives me an extra layer of motivation not to PMO.
There seem to be so many different stories from folks about how long it takes and how easy/difficult it was to reboot. Just because you’ve spent years trying to overcome this inthe past, doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to do so now and in the future. It a good idea to reflect about how you’re going to go about rebooting now, and what did/didn’t work in the past and why you think that may have been he case.
Hope that helps.
Good to hear from you @Libertad
We need a clear goal to overcome our addictive behaviour, so that sounds really good!
All I can offer is the encouragement that if I can do it anybody can, but I can also offer the perspective of having interviewed dozens of successful quitters for the various books and articles I've written on the subject, most of whom, like me, had over 20 years of (and let's call it what it is) pornography addiction. Many are afraid to use the term "addict" and that's fine. Call it a compulsion, bad habit, negative behavior, whatever. Don't get hung up on semantics. Recovery is really about releasing yourself from the addiction, not fighting it. I can tell you in my case and in 100% -- yes, 100% -- of the successful cases of longterm recovery, one-on-one cognitive behavioral therapy was a piece of the solution. For many, addiction is a symptom of an undiagnosed mental illness. For even more, it's a subconcious way to deal with unresolved trauma (that many don't even recognize they have.) The white-knucklers, NoFappers, dopamine fasters, and people who think they can do it themselves may stop now and then, but they're not addressing the most important question: How did I get this way? When you can work through that with a professional, you'll find what I discovered and what so many others have, quitting is much, much easier.
If you were to recommend any one book that I could use to learn about and try out CBT for myself, what would you recommend? I realise that this is not the same as one-to-one with a professional, but it sounds like it would be a good idea to look into it.
I would urge you not to explore this mode of therapy alone. It needs a guide. That said, another form of therapy that helped me when it came to those in the moment cravings or when I have been triggered over the years is dialectal behavior therapy. It's about pulling yourself out of a moment and centering yourself, although I can't do it justice in one second. In this case, while I was taught it by a therapist, I learned how it really do it on my own with the book, "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance Book by Jeffrey Brantley, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Matthew McKay"
Just keep in mind what hasn't worked in the past, will not magically start working in the future. The most important part about what I wrote was that I've never seen anybody beat this thing on their own, without some form of professional help. I know it's embarrassing, I know it cost money, I know there's always 100 reasons to try something else, but you get one life to live...how much has been wasted on this bullshit?
@Joshua Shea makes a good point, very few people make progress on their own.
I was in one community and there was a guy, he probably learned some of it with other people, this guy walked in turned aside from his problems with P. and then frustrated people because they did not appreciate that he was coming from the same place as them. He still had a heart for working with that group the last I heard. Guys like him are in the exception not the norm. Which I am glad about because I string together periods of no PMO but when I do drop the ball I feel the shame of being the only one, until I realise that many people have gone that way before me.
Peace and every good
Hi Joshua, thanks for the information. I’ve just got the The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook.
During this reboot I’ve started to train myself in advance for when the cravings come. I’ve doing body scans, and putting attention in other parts of my body as means to take away the intensity that comes if I keep my focus on where the cravings are coming from. That seems to be helping a lot so far. I’ve also established a daily meditation practice, and I’m working on replacing the PMO with working on my side business, which I get a lot of pleasure/challenge from. Working on the business is helping me to grow in all sorts of ways, so I feel that this will be a major contributor to my recovery as well. I’m also now exercising everyday, which is building my discipline as well as the health benefits.
When I tried various reboots in the past, it was basically white-knuckling it, and as you mentioned, what hasn’t worked in the past will not magically start working in the future.
I’m also going to work through the Recovery Workshop at recovery nation.com
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