My way to Liberty

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Libertad, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yeah, basically. But, as I wrote on my journal I think that because of neuro-plasticity we can learn to enjoy the pain of discipline. A couple of guys have talked about frying their dopamine centers, but I think that's limiting the brain's capacity to heal and deal. I trust the medical profession less and less now. They are products of a status-quo, a status-quo that used to think handwashing was stupid and blood-letting was awesome. :eek:
     
  2. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    I think at the beginning there is no way around the pain of discipline if we want to Change in the case of PMO our compulsive behaviour, than to first suffer the pain of discipline before we may reach the Point were the pain decreases and we even might feel joy in beeing disciplined.
    About the medical professions I am with you on this one. They are not to be trusted as far as you can throw them. I stay away from them as best as I can.
    I dont even trust if the earth is round any more.:):):) LOL
    I laughed so hard watching this Video today. If you Need something funny today, watch this Video.
     
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  3. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Awesome post of last thursday @Libertad. I can relate to it very much. I have a good career, but also really wonder whether I am here because of the validation 'trap' or for other reasons. I love my work, but it is not that fulfilling and gives me a lot of stress.

    Just wondering what kinds of orher things or activities do give you energy. What kind of long term goals would you like to set for yourself.
     
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That IS a hilarious video! :D
     
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I agree we must endure what we think of as pain. We've all built up big walls in order to protect ourselves from things we think are painful...like doing the taxes. Taxes are the easiest things in the world to get done, but it feels like a daunting task.

    You say we might even feel joy in being disciplined. I think our idea of discipline is wrong. For us, we believe being disciplined is some kind of hardship, some sort of rigid routine that we aren't allowed to stray from. Who would sign up for that? I think we are just stuck on repeat. Once we give the needle a bump we can go onto the rest of the song. Our version of the song is one that gets stuck on "life sucks and your dick is limp" and then we don't get to hear the other part of it, which is: "except it isn't, it's awesome!" :)
     
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  6. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Thanks.
    I just watched a Video from Gabe Dawg were he stated that the further away we get from ourselfs, the closer we get to PMO and a relapse. This hit home to me. Thats also what I meant with to become more Aware about what gives us energy when we persue something. The Energy from within can be a kind of Compass out of what reasons we persue something. One of the personal Goals is to be more Aware to what gives me Energy and try to implement it as best as I can in my life. Of Course we have responsibilities, but I am starting with the small Things. I am getting honest to myself and others, at least in the Moments when I am aware of it. A few of my Goals when I was Young was not to have a boss, of Course Clients can be almost as demanding as a boss;). To be able to plan my day and time working myself and to live in the countryside, I like nature and the outdoors, I like animals. These are a few of the Goals I had, and I am working on it.
    I am Looking for Things I can do Right now.
    This may seem stupid to others here, but an example for a small step I made a few weeks ago, is: Where I live at the Moment, I am not allowed to have animals, I am renting. Someone told me that an old rich Lady near by is Looking for someone to walk her dog ones a week for an hour and what she wants to pay for it. I have one day in the week were I already go in the afternoon to an psychologist, so I said to her if I could walk the dog this day at a specific hour I would do it. And that is what I am doing for a few weeks now, After my apointment with the psychologist, I go for an hour with her dog, sometimes I go even longer when the weather is nice because I like it, and she Pays me for it. This is something very small, but it gives me Energy, if not I would have cancelled it already, but I use this hour to think through the Things I talked with the psychologist, I am in nature, I like the dog, he makes me happier, I come in contact with other People who walk their dogs also, I even earn a Little bid of Money with it for something I would do any way, like taking a walk in nature. This is one example even it is very small.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2019
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  7. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Yes it is and I find the guy inspirational, he does what he loves and has fun with it. That is more than a lot of People do in their lifes.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  8. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Interesting thought about beeing stuck on the thought what discipline is. Will smoke over it and hope to find the needle to give it a strong bump.:) Nice analogy btw.
    I can definitly relate on beeing stuck on the Version that life sucks. Like someone said, I think it was Bobby in your Journal, that with PMO we tend to see all things through a negative lense.
     
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  9. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Another sentence from a Video of Gabe Dawg:

    To master PMO we have to become willing to sacrifice everything we are today for what we want to become.
     
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  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes, their must be a revolution. A tearing down of the old model. Neuroplacticity makes this possible! :)
     
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  11. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Hey there Libertad.
    What a wonderful and positive idea you had!
    Healthful to the body and mind.
    You have taken a big step my friend.
     
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  12. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Thanks.
    Had havy urges yesterday. Was near to open a P. site. In the last Moment I was able to think, if I continue with PMO I will never have the strengh to persue my Goals. I will end up in this depressed weak state of mind and Body I am in so often when doing PMO. This thought was really frightening to me. I know that beeing gratefull is a good thing to be and I am gratefull with what I have, but I am not happy at all with what I became PMOing for around 25 years now. In that Moment yesterday it was totally clear to me that if I continue to PMO I will never be able to look back and be proud of myself. A lot of Things I notice now more and more have Nothing to do with what I truly want. I noticed something positive also, that I feel less frightened to persue what I really want and try to care less what others think About it. I grew up caring so much what others thought, I was so frightened to make a mistake and get embaresed in front of others, I never spoke up for myself. This has already changed a bid in the last years, but there is still a lot of room for improvement without getting to much or narcisistic. The dog Walking is such a Thing, before I would be far to ashamed to do something like that, to afraid what others would think. Small steps what ever I can do Right now. For example Right now I sit with my Laptop and in shorts without a Shirt in the sun on my balcony and try not to care what my neighbours think.:) I know this may seem Nothing to others here, but from the mental Point I come from, this are the small steps I feel I need to take. I was not able to take theses steps and test my boundaries in my youth, I was too timid and introverted to Risk the critisism of others. One of the Basic steps for me to be able to grow up now in this parts of my life is to stop PMO or I will fall back and will not be able to expand my comfort Zone and boundaries. I am patting myself on the back Right now, I know. This is another boundery I am pushing with it.;)
     
  13. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Nice:) You should be proud of this and keep a good image in your mind of this moment. Positive reinforcement. Keep doing this over and over! Thanks for sharing.
     
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  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Patting yourself on the back is actually very important. I'm impressed with the steps you are taking, Lib. :)
     
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  15. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Outstanding. So proud of you sir!
     
  16. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Day 16
    Thank you guys for all the encouragement. Really kind of you all.
    At the Moment, in the case of urges, I am using the frightening beliefe that if I continue to PMO my life will never Change for the better and that I will be stuck were I am now forever. This Imagination frightens me so much, that I was able to stay sober and not give in, in the difficult Moments over the last few days. I want to accomplish a few Things and if I continue with PMO I am almost certain that I will not be able to do that. It is like using the worst case Scenario to motivate myself for now.
     
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  17. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    I f...… up the 17.04.2019 again. So I am at one week at the moment. I was about to watch porn yesterday again, but my Internet Connection was not working, something that normaly never happens and so I was able to stay sobber because of that. I am not proud of myself. This seems so stupid. A grown up man, at least physically grown up, needs a drug like PMO to deal with life or escape his life and feelings with PMO. And I havent even something really painfull in my life, a lot of things are going well. And never the less I decided to do PMO a week ago. I dont understand myself.
    I am not sad, only confused about myself and my intentions. The western Society I live in has a lot of programms to help with depression and all that, but I myself seem not to want to come out of this cycle of doom. Do I want to feel sorry about myself? So many things dont make sence. The content of the bottle of advocaat seems not to help with the mental clarity also. ;)
    Will be back tomorrow after a good night sleep. Take care you all. I know it is embarrassing.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2019
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I didn't read anything that was embarrassing. You are fighting a good fight. I think you need to step out though and find a real person. This will help change the pattern.
     
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  19. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    Hey, I'm not a psychiatrist, but I've spent a day a week with one for the last year. That should probably disqualify the following, but you reached a week! Hitting goals or subconscious goals can often trigger my self-critic and depression. Big deal, a week. You're a loser, I'd tell myself. The same goes for near misses as you experienced the other day. I too would beat myself up for wanting to use P, even though I didn't. If the Internet was working, I would have used. I am the worst. The way I see it, the addiction fights back the more you take control and work. The key part to what your wrote above @Libertad is that you were "able to stay sobber." That's amazing. That's the goal we're all working on. You did it! Instead, our addiction wants us to focus on things that make us feel bad, so we will again reach for PMO.

    As @Saville said, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Let go of those thoughts because it's all about keeping you down and getting you back to PMO. The addictive brain fights dirty. You're doing great!
     
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  20. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Hi Libertad. How are you doing now? :)
     

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