My way to Liberty

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Libertad, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Libertad, try just watching and listening to your breath--- that's it--- still very calming-- start 14 or 15 minutes. Try it---
    Libertad likes this.
  2. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    I can't recommend meditation enough! And as @Bobo said, start with 10 - 15 minutes a day. The benefits come from the regularity and habit of it, not the duration. I found that one of the meditation apps on my phone has really made a difference because I am very unwilling to give up my streak of continuous days and I get a reminder every day about it.

    Meditation is not a magic cure but you will slowly find your mind becoming a bit more resilient and be able to more observe your reactions to things.

    Good luck and let me know how it works out!
  3. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Thanks Bobo and Caoimhín.
    Relapsed on Friday the 15 again.
    Took the time to write in my privat Journal over the Weekend. There was a lot of sadness and disapointment and embitterment about myself and my lack of progress in many Areas of my life coming up. But I feel very motivated and commited to Keep pushing and jump Right on the waggon again. Found Mel Robbins Five second rule on the Internet, it is like made for me and my habbit of procrastination. I will work with it this week. Also to continue my Meditation practice is key. I´m thinking way to much and doing to Little in the Areas that are really important for me. Thats all.
    Saville likes this.
  4. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    Meditation has helped me work on my identity issues and finding a way to love myself. I've been doing it on and off for about 2 years and it's still not easy. That's probably why they call it a "practice." I've always liked guided meditations. There's some great ones on the Insight Timer app that I use to explore my emotions.

    At the same time, I said meditation is difficult because I fight it. I don't want to explore the pain and depression. This is another reason why self-help books, therapists, and other inspirations can fail us, I believe. It's not that we're stubborn about change, alone. Change requires facing some of the pain in the past. My childhood memories of wanting my parents to say they love me, but never hearing it. That's hurtful to type now, even though I'm trying to be in a rational state as I share. So even though I tell myself to meditate each morning, I find myself making excuses and sometimes pushing it back until the evening.

    Still, spending that time with myself, with my emotions has probably got me further than anything else I've learned from doctors, groups, and CBT and DBT classes. It's also still very difficult. I've actually recorded some of my own guided meditations as well, in an effort to help myself.

    I'd also recommend looking into mindfulness. It's a great eyes open practice to get through urges and negative thoughts, for me. Insight timer has a nice walking mindfulness practice and a driving one that I've listened to more than anything else on the app in 2 years.
    Caoimhín, Saville and Libertad like this.
  5. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    As long as you keep it up ! Do-do-do-do it eventually will work out for you! Try just watching your breathing, some say this is not meditation but it is! Mind focus on 1 thing after a while you can move on. You can do it!
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2019
  6. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    There are lots of misconceptions about what meditation is but one thing that really might help you is the idea that "a difficult meditation is a sign that you are doing it right". Thoughts coming up are normal and the only thing you need to do is return to your breath.

    Sorry to hear about the reset! Keep on going! I would say that the thing that you have accomplished is reducing the frequency of PMO and that in itself is very important!
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    So, you stumbled, but you picked yourself up again and refocussed. That's pretty awesome!
  8. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    You stumble as long as you move on and refocus ----right on Libertad!
  9. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Thanks Guys, I had already unblocked the K9 to do PMO but decided to come here first, your Posts gave me enougth Motivation to watch a PMO Motivation Video on Youtube and now I decided that I will not do PMO. Not today and hopefully not tomorrow. I want so bad to be free from this shit. The time is now.
    Saville likes this.
  10. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Awesome ! Dude!
  11. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Day 2. Relapsed two days ago Tuesday again. I am tired of relapsing. I use every excuse I can to justify for myself to relapse. I could react totally different to the problems in my life. But for what ever fucked up reason I go back to the old habbit of PMO.
    It is time for me to stop this and look for a better alternative. How many times I have said that to myself? Countless times. No wonder my self esteem is low. I have disappointed myself in not doing what I said thousands of times. No wonder I am doubtfull of myself. I will grow up and take responsibility for my Actions and reactions. There is no excuse after becoming Aware of the past for doing the wrong thing today, no matter what happened in the past. I have proofed in a few Things in my life that I can reach Goals, but Looking back it were Goals that were often not my real Goals, they where tiring, not coming from an inner Motivation. Often it were Goals Looking for external Validation. Becoming an engeneer for example. This time, with this PMO Thing, it is my Goal to become free and to finally start working and investing in myself and in my real Goals in life will be my Purpose from now on. No excuses any more. In case I relapse again I will take full responsibility for it. We all will die one day, so why not follow what we really want in life? Why I have cared so much what others, especially my parents think?
    Mel Robbins said not Long ago in one of her podcasts, look at what gives you Energy. When I was 16 and 17 working on my real Goals, I was full of Energy, I worked the whole day and at night before sleeping I was already planning what I would do the next day. Even with all the heat in a Tropical Country I almost couldnt wait for the next morning to continue on my Projects.
    It was later, when I abandoned my Goals and did what my parents and others wanted from me, at around 18 when I became more and more sad and depressed and later got into PMO and Hookers at around 21. There is definitly a Connection in my case, when I lost myself and what I felt was my Purpose in life and what gave me Energy despite that it was havy physical work and my try to Escape real life with PMO.
    Of Course these are only the Symptoms. The root goes way deeper. Why did I let myself loose the real Connection to myself and my Goals. I already there had a very low self esteem and a very fragile self. But now, with 45 it is time to connect with my real self, that is the important Thing and the pain can teach me so much. And PMO definitly prevents me from getting there. PMO stands between me and my childhood pain and my Feelings of embitterment.
    So it has to go.
    So easy.:)
    On top of my childhood pain there is a lot of embitterment which I accumulated myself because I felt unable to forgive myself for what I lost and not Fighting more for what I knew I felt was right for me at that time and for what others did to me.
    The typical nice guy who does not say directly what he wants and is not true to himself.

    I will make it simple from now on:
    1. Step Meditate to clear my mind and become more connected to my real self as often as I can at least ones a day.
    2. Step Be Aware what gives me Energy and if possible implement it more in my life.
    3. Step No PMO in case of a relapse read Stepp 3 again.

    I had first the no PMO Thing as step 1, but I think step 1 and 2 are needed to create the Basis for step 3 to happen. Step three becomes in this case more a Kind of a side effect when the first two steps are implemented correctly. No PMO should not be the Primary Goal, we as humans are allways pleasure seeking, in the short or Long run. So if I can follow what I said, than Meditation will allow me more and more to live in the Moment, and combined with step two, to feel connected with myself and experience more and more pleasure and make me stronger to feel the pain of daily life and let it go like the pleasure in the Moment in real life. This will take away my biggest reasons to do PMO. So theoretically my urges to escape reality will diminish.
    I notice that I am again too much in my head and thinking to much. LOL;)
    More simple, doing whatever is in front of me with awareness and slow. Be in the Moment as best as I can.
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2019
    Gil79 and Saville like this.
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You've done some great things in your life, Lib. Becoming an engineer is no small accomplishment. But, you're right, when we don't do the things that give us energy then it all feels rather meh. When I began the no-PMO journey I didn't know what I liked anymore. I didn't know what gave me passion. So, I decided I would find interest in the small things. I think that can be anything. For me gardening has become a wonderful past time. But, even shining my shoes gives me some small pleasure, I take my time and put a great shine on the leather.

    At 45 you are young! Honestly, I wish I could go back 15 years. You have many vital years left and it's exciting to think what a free Libertad would look like! :)
  13. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

  14. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah! Be able to go back 15 years!:(:)
  15. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Day 4.
    I have to see both, the Blessings and the bad stuff and let it go and become more active.

    A Quote from Jim Ron in a Video from Gabe Dawg:

    "We must all suffer one of two Things,
    the pain of discipline or the pain of regret."
    Saville likes this.
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yeah, basically. But, as I wrote on my journal I think that because of neuro-plasticity we can learn to enjoy the pain of discipline. A couple of guys have talked about frying their dopamine centers, but I think that's limiting the brain's capacity to heal and deal. I trust the medical profession less and less now. They are products of a status-quo, a status-quo that used to think handwashing was stupid and blood-letting was awesome. :eek:
  17. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    I think at the beginning there is no way around the pain of discipline if we want to Change in the case of PMO our compulsive behaviour, than to first suffer the pain of discipline before we may reach the Point were the pain decreases and we even might feel joy in beeing disciplined.
    About the medical professions I am with you on this one. They are not to be trusted as far as you can throw them. I stay away from them as best as I can.
    I dont even trust if the earth is round any more.:):):) LOL
    I laughed so hard watching this Video today. If you Need something funny today, watch this Video.
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  18. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Awesome post of last thursday @Libertad. I can relate to it very much. I have a good career, but also really wonder whether I am here because of the validation 'trap' or for other reasons. I love my work, but it is not that fulfilling and gives me a lot of stress.

    Just wondering what kinds of orher things or activities do give you energy. What kind of long term goals would you like to set for yourself.
  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That IS a hilarious video! :D
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I agree we must endure what we think of as pain. We've all built up big walls in order to protect ourselves from things we think are doing the taxes. Taxes are the easiest things in the world to get done, but it feels like a daunting task.

    You say we might even feel joy in being disciplined. I think our idea of discipline is wrong. For us, we believe being disciplined is some kind of hardship, some sort of rigid routine that we aren't allowed to stray from. Who would sign up for that? I think we are just stuck on repeat. Once we give the needle a bump we can go onto the rest of the song. Our version of the song is one that gets stuck on "life sucks and your dick is limp" and then we don't get to hear the other part of it, which is: "except it isn't, it's awesome!" :)
    Boxer17 likes this.

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