My Thoughts On Rebooting [EXTREMELY LONG POST]

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by TheUnderdog, Nov 28, 2013.

  1. Ok, THIS RIGHT HERE is exactly what I have been thinking. As the significant other, I can attest that P is the symptom, not the problem. We all (SO's and the partners) seem to start this journey when the symptoms become unbearable, but rebooting and retraining for more nourishing experiences rather than the empty rush of P is far more than simply counting days or avoiding.

    Thanks for sending this via message and posting.
  2. smartmoves

    smartmoves New Member

    Great post!

    I really appreciate you taking the time to share your insights with us, especially us newbies. I completely agree with focusing on what you want as opposed to what you don't want and by doing so, you will be moving in that direction.

    Thank you very much!
  3. Goodlooking

    Goodlooking Member

    Excellent post. Porn really isn't the cause of all your problems as some people here tend to claim. It's normal to want to blame something.
  4. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    This post was life-changing. But, apparently 99% of people on the forum either didn't read it, or they simply are ignoring it, because I still see them really focused on their counters, constantly journaling about "toughing it out over a weekend" or something like that. I don't see many life visions, and people are still talking about relapses like the end of the world. Maybe the word about this thread needs to be spread around a little more?
  5. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    This is very unfortunate indeed.
  6. dtr500

    dtr500 New Member

    This thread was excellent, and so brutally true...
    I think many of us here got issues in early life that impact us later, in our adult life.
    Main problem with those issues is how to find them, and if u found them, how to fight and conquer them.
    And what about fetishes (eg. femdom and related stuff) or sick fantasies that we develop in early teens (or childhood), long before high speed Internet and countless hours searching to "perfect shot/scene" to finish.
    Is that meaning that we are simply hardwired to that stuff and this is incurable??
    PS - Sorry 4 bad English.
  7. WillGrit

    WillGrit New Member

    This article really resonated with me. Maybe the reason why it is not hitting home, is because we need a better analogy.
    Right now I am viewing porn as Coke (Coca-Cola).
    1. Because, porn is manufactured (We all know how that's done)
    2. It is sold (ads on websites + your info)
    3. It is an instant-gratification, with dangerous long-term consequences (PA -> PIED, and overall unfulfilled life)
    4. In the case of Coke, the dangers of consumption were suppressed until recently. Since porn, especially HD-Video porn, is in its infancy, I think either there isn't much research data or the research data is being suppressed.
    5. Like Coke, the effects of PMO are not seen immediately, rather they invest slowly. (input from: picats3141)
    6. Society has normalized porn and masturbation, and it has become a part of main-stream media. As a result, guys don't think twice about porn and masturbation. (input from: picats3141)

    I think we need to find an analogy that resonates with other members, especially young boys, so they can actually understand why porn is bad, and why just quitting it for 90-days and then binging on the 91st day is not really the solution. Most dont even reach 90-days. Heck, I am trying to do it too. But info on YBoP and from posts such as this have really educated me.
    The Coca-Cola analogy works for me because my dad was a health-nut and educated me about Coke and the importance of a good diet.
    More importantly, I understood, that abstaining from Coca-Cola for a few days is not really how to have a healthy body. Like quitting porn, it requires a lifestyle change, where you eat better and just do not think about drinking Coke. (or any other sugary drink)
  8. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Very true. Unlike conventional "drugs," you can't overdose on porn nor can you on Coke, and you probably won't die nor will you have any IMMEDIATE physical harm. Therefore, people fail to see the long-term negative effects as with any compulsive behavior. Yeah. And then the advertising for Coke, polar bears and all-- seems more like covert hypnotism if you ask me. Some don't realize that porn really IS in the mainstream media. Sex is apparently a product you can buy now with Axe, Victoria's Secret, etc.

    Speaking of young boys, I do happen to be 14. And I get the Coke message. Don't get me wrong, I like soft drinks-- I have one every once and a while on vacation or at a party, but I order water at restaurants with my family. I don't drink soda at home either, so I don't really get tempted to think about it.

    (P.S. The video in your sig is very inspiring and motivational! I held my breath just to see how bad I wanted to breathe. It really changed my perspective on motivation and success.)
  9. Cozmo

    Cozmo Member

    I need to admitt that i havent passed through this thread, until Underdog sent me an PM.

    I Recommended an Addition to a chat in the front plat form of this FORUM.

    but when i passed through this post, I believe its written with full insight and great knowledge of this issue.
    I will Quote the most sentences that nourished my thoughts
    I highly recommend it to be a force read for Newbie's before they post.

    Its more into Life, rather than the problem....

    Thanks Underdog.
  10. WillGrit

    WillGrit New Member

    You bring up 2 absolutely critical points. I am gonna add them to my original post.
    1. Like Coke, the effects of PMO are not seen immediately, rather they invest slowly.
    2. Society has normalized porn and masturbation, and it has become a part of main-stream media. As a result, guys don't think twice about porn and masturbation.

    Very wise for your age.

    I have had the fortune of meeting a few entrepreneurs, and all of them agree on just one thing, that you have to work hard.
    Watch Will Smith's interview. He says the reason he is successful is because "I am willing to die on the treadmill", which means he wants to keep on working and achieving success until he dies.
  11. Dopamine

    Dopamine New Member

    Interesting read and overwhelming to anyone who hasn't read recoverynation book before.

    a quote from gary

    below in the same article by gary

    Anyway TheUnderdog you say its not about will? WHAT IS IT THEN? what you are actually doing here is easing the process of somebody else by giving them motivation.

    The motivation I drew from this post is when you said its not about willpower AND THAT ITS ALL BULLSHIT. later in your post you mention Arnold WHO has done everything in his life through sheer willpower. skinny boy turned bodybuilder - movie star - senator.

    Although I must admit your post gives me some cognitive dissonance - still for the sake of truth I will use WILL to overcome this. It's what everyone ELSE is using even you without realizing - having a different mindset might ease the path but its still the same.

    Not everybody is watching porn because their life is ruined. ITS LIKE saying anyone that is on any form of addiction is because they can't deal with negative emotions - NOT TRUE. countless examples. its a form of escapism yes but in the end its still about the pleasure.

    Nobody is watching porn for the orgasm, but for the rush - TRUE - orgasm is just the peak.

    counters are bad because of design. EVERY form of measurement of progress is bad. you either delete your porn and quit it for good or you don't quit it. there is no stop porn for 90 days - who here wants to go back to porn after 90 days - nobody. so their mindset is or should be that they are quitting porn not beating the counter to 90 days.

    there are no steps. you just stop thats it. thats what i believe and i will test it. Yours or anyone's theory is wrong if there is 1 single person amongst 1000 who did it with clear determination - stop and its over life goes on.

    who do you think here will change their lifestyle ? a? every 20+ years old guys are pretty much settled on how they will behave and progress through life, sure they can do small changes at a time... but the time for drastic change is over with adolescence period.

    are you going to change a virgin gamers lifestyle who spends 5 hours a day playing games and 2-5hours on porn? he has been doing that for the most part in his 20s and its not going to change.

    Porn is not a symptom. its a problem. with your word play you try to ease people's thoughts that hey maybe porn is not the problem - so i change and improve my life and porn will naturally go away? NO.

    you can have a girlfriend or a wife, and a son and job. and you can be porn addicted. negative emotions? escaping life problems with porn? NO. just a drug for pleasure which is negative and if one wants to change that what is he going to do? stop porn use of course.

    if we are treating porn as any form of addiction as you try to make it look like so in your post comparing it to cocaine or heroin - then its pretty much obvious that changing the life of a junkie isn't going to work. he has to stop taking the drug.

    if posts or meeting groups can help him as a distraction thats fine. in the end its up to him and his will.

    ofc its not. nobody thinks it IS. But porn is the reason you can't get sexual arousal from real girls. PORN is the reason you didn't actively seek out girls in your teens because virtual chicks were already on your pc. HEAVY Porn use is basically behind every sexual related problem you have in real life to some extent.

    one can have a normal girlfriend and close friends, have a good job, and is not a procrastinator and is generally in the same mood every day not depressed not happy either AND still be addicted to porn.

    basically this

  12. KingMerodach1991

    KingMerodach1991 New Member

    I agree the biggest problem with porn is that it is so accepted. You have all types of people nerds,players,fathers,husbands,politicians,successful businessmen,millionaires all use porn. So the media makes it look like porn is normal. And studies that are shown that porn has adverse effects to the brain are ridiculed and persecuted. We have it tough because drugs are shown to be wrong. If a person comes out against porn they will be see as an evangelical nutjob from the south. Plus it doesn't help when those who are the biggest voices against porn are fundamentalist anti science,ignorant religious folks in Islam,Christianity etc. So if we speak out we are associated with those people.
  13. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    My guess is that it'll take about 20 more years before porn addiction is taken seriously.
  14. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    No way. In about five years everybody will be aware of porn addiction if not sooner. In fact you already have mainstream media like Dr. Oz and BBC acknowledging it.

    This generation of 14-18 year old males are going to be majorly affected, and by the time they are in their early 20's it will be a well known talking point.
  15. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    I´m waiting for that day when my friends start talking about a topic considering porn addiction.

    "Hey, did you know that researchers are demonstrating that watching porn is actually kind of same like using drugs? That it really is an addiction! But it might be even worse because it´s free, always available, socially acceptable and sex is already everywhere in the media."

    If they just knew...
  16. WillGrit

    WillGrit New Member

    That will really suck. Although, I think it is already happening and there is evidence to support it. But why isnt society addressing it like it is important?
    We need to do a parallel comparison between porn, smoking, and sugary drinks, plotting the durations when society considered them acceptable, dubious, and unacceptable. Then figure out how to reduce those durations for porn.
    I do not think drugs is a good comparison because drugs are illegal and their detrimental effects appear very quickly (e.g. Lindsay Lohan)
  17. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member


    I never said willpower didn't play a role.

    But it's just one of the many aspects of recovery.
  18. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    I think someone needs to make a powerful documentary about pornography addiction, and maybe follow the lives of recovering addict(s.) If people, specifically guys, see the powerful effect quitting porn has, maybe they would realize that this is a true problem. Don't Americans love their movies after all?
  19. socialite189

    socialite189 Member

    Thanks for a great post, @Underdog. Fully agree and have already forwarded it to a number of others who could benefit from it. Best wishes.
  20. Foxhunter

    Foxhunter Deflect & Parry

    Yet another problem religion has caused, especially Christianity etc. - In trying to push a way of life on people that is not viable, they have pushed so many people away (a good thing). However, due to the association of the "Puritan" celibate lifestyle, and blaming the evils of the world on the "devil," people have begun to dismiss many claims that should otherwise be taken seriously, such as the porn problem.

    The world would be a better place without organized religion.

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