My Thoughts On Rebooting [EXTREMELY LONG POST]

destroy internet access, and you will never access porn, your only choice would be to purchase dvds, which i doubt many woudl

but how many are willing to give up the internet here?

 

Nice post.

 

Great post, thank you underground.

 

My god I had a feeling it was him lol

 

Alternating and using multiple accounts is a direct indication of trolling. Maybe theres another purpose idk

 

Dude can I tip like 300 hats to you? This post was just so complete. Made sense, and it was tangible. I could reach for it. Making a life vision intimidates me but also excites me because this is my own personal, real, centered-on-me wishlist. Whatever I want to be or do or have, I can put it down. Of course, this goes way beyond material possessions, but you get the idea. I kinda recently discovered this forum, but I've been on the NoFap subreddit for months now, and also discovered NoFap.org as well. All these are awesome and I think if Gabe was the guy with the youtube video and the country accent, with his hair standing up and a good amount of muscle, I think I saw his video too. He seems pretty cool and did inspire me. Thanks a lot Underdog for your posts. I appreciate all of you

 

I just recently finished Mike Tysons tome of an autobiography. This guy was addicted to strippers and drugs and alcohol and beating the shit out of people. Its a good read. He goes through a shit load of recovery. I have gleaned much knowledge from his book and am applying it to my own life. I suggest you guys pick it up and read it. Its good!

 

We HAVE to do both.

Quitting porn ---> will help fix your life
Fixing your life ---> will help you quit porn

Both of these are two in the same.
Sorry guys, there is no other way around it.

 

On-and-off visitor here; after getting the mass e-mail and reading your post I felt like I should reply.

Virtually everything in the OP makes a lot of sense, and when I read it, I realized that I intuitively came much to the same conclusions on my own over the last two years.

I started out great two years ago, going over two months in a so-called reboot with the basically daily help of YBOP and Reuniting. I journaled and visited the websites every single time I had a craving, but eventually I relapsed and never could replicate the same streak after that.

After a few months of hating myself and being stuck in the dreaded endless relapse cycle, I realized that all this worrying about not watching porn had not only left me with little change in my viewing habits, but it also ended up being a negative in my life, keeping me tense and consistently fighting the "urges" (which I now realize, weren't real urges). In other words, not watching porn had become an obsession of its own, not much healthier than porn itself.

And so I left these communities which, while amazing for informational purposes and for laying out the basic theory for the negative effects of porn, had become a hindrance holding me back in much the same way as the addiction I'm fighting. This part, by the way, shouldn't be construed as a knock or an attack on anyone involved in maintaining the websites; what I'm saying instead is that for every visitor, their visits to these websites should be temporary in nature pending more profound and direct change; otherwise it becomes a mere crutch.

At the same time, I came to terms with the fact that it was unlikely that the rebooting approach would ever work again, which in the short term did lead to some heavier use of porn, but in the longer term my goal remained to be rid of this addiction, so after a while I started tackling the issue differently, which led me to the very approach you're now suggesting, the global approach of improving your life and self-esteem first.

Through this process, I came to terms with several things I already knew about myself but wouldn't accept, notably that I do have such self-esteem problems, but they are mostly concentrated in the social area which is what I need to "fix". I figured out that after I stopped actively trying to stop using porn, I never gave it even a single thought on the days where I was constantly busy or entertained, which in turn told me that my main "risk factor" is boredom. I also naturally came to recognize the events or objects that had become triggers for me, thus allowing me to deal with them specifically.

This isn't a success story. Much like all of you, I'm still using porn occasionally and I'm still unable to go the whole cold-turkey-90-day reboot. Despite the obviously very good intentions of Gary when coming up with this theory, I personally think reboots are destructive when 90 days becomes the goal instead of just living a better life without relying on porn. Since I've done those exercises of just knowing myself and what makes me tick better, I've had much more success with this approach than before.

My two cents mostly agreeing with the OP, take from that what you will

 

Yep, the reboot gives the impression that abstinence is what works.
It gives people a goal, but doesn't actually fix the problem.
1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, who gives a shit.
While it helps, it isn't what is necessary.
We've seen so many people relapse right after their goal.
It makes recovery more about abstinence than recovery.

Edit:
Also a personal note:
I'm trying to cure ED, and mine is not quick.
Focusing on my days and counter and goal is driving me CRAZY.
Why aren't I healed yet? Why this? Why that? Will I ever heal? Omg I'm permanently fucked, aren't i? Blah, blah, blah.
It's like watching the clock count down during a boring flight, you're just making it feel that much slower.

 

Great post, and a very important one too. I have always been a firm believer in lifestyle changes being a huge factor in countering addictions. I was able to do it with porn EASY, and now am working on doing it with other addictions too.

 

Thank you for this post, UD. It was just what I needed, now that I've spent more than 16 months obsessed with streaks and frustrated about always ending up "back at square one."

You've helped me massively with this post.

 

Indeed a great post. Thank you so much.

The most profound insights I learned are:
- Thinking about sex is NOT allowed
- Trying to abstain while at the same time fantasizing or peeking at pictures of chicks will only lead to frustration.
- The urge to ejaculate only becomes a real problem once you start peeking, edging or fantasizing constantly.
- These initial urges are “addiction urges”. These urges are mental. They are NOT a physical need for ejaculation. These are urges for a “high” and a “rush”
- Thats why they don’t go away even if you have a gf

This shit makes so much sense. No wonder I couldn't identify the cause of my relapses, because I was peeking and mistaking mental urges for physical urges.

The point about a life vision is the strongest one, but I had heard that one from motivational/self-help literature.
It makes total sense in PA and PIED context.

 

This is very important indeed. I need this. I have relapsed a few times, but I have no intention to quit trying to get better. In fact, I have identified my triggers and have taken a few steps to curb them.

 

Fantastic piece. I haven't the time to read the whole thing right now, but I really must.

I was watching 'Doctor Phil' today and several people stated that there's no such thing as sex addiction. Of course, those people would write off porn addiction too.

I have been underestimating the problem. Thanks for helping me realise this.

 

Well its a very good post but i think most of us log time rebooters already know that. The thing is changing your life and thoughts isnt overnight. You will still fail. You will still fall in to old thinking at the begining very frequently. I know that. I beat severe depression. Its similar. You have to change your life and thoughts. Now i dont have a day that i want to kill myself. Its not like i need a good job and after one week you have it. Or a girlfriend. Or new mindset. Its step by step after long period of time. You will be dissapointed with things you will want to medicate with porn. Sometimes you will sometimes you wont and those times you wont those times matter. In a last 90 days i relapsed 9 times. That is 10% of days. A couple years ago that would be 100% of 90 days. If i am pushing trying to get better and better i will do it i know i will. But you have to push not just wait. You grow new life where porn is an enemy and not part of our life anymore.

 

Amazing thread. Haven't read through what everyone has been saying, but I have question.

What is your view on this whole journal thing? On one hand many people are suggesting that we should stay away from this forum, because of triggers and so on. On the other hand we should keep ourselves occupied as much as possible.

Do you think having a journal is a good thing?