My Thoughts On Rebooting [EXTREMELY LONG POST]

I made an updated spreadsheet that can be shared all over the internet and be used years in advanced.
Download it from Google Drive here:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1s4_r6UqrGwRqwZ-tv0y6O7S2yt3utg5W/view?usp=sharing

Note: I use the term edge to describe a state in which I attempt to stay aroused using fantasy or artificial stimuli. Cruising Instagram, inputting search words in YouTube for a chance to “accidentally” see something risqué, etc. are examples of my use of the term edging. If you want to track orgasms during sex while recovering from a porn-induced sexual dysfunction instead, go for it.

I hope everybody finds it useful, and if you do, please share it. Good luck!

 

This is by far the MOST VALUABLE INFORMATION I have ever encountered on the internet on quitting porn!!
Your post gave me the strength to really step out of my failure routine and start to make a difference. THANK YOU.
I'm not sure if @TheUnderdog is still active here, but would it be OK for me to translate (part of) this post to some other platforms?

 

For me the concept of figuring out what you want to do with your life while operating with a fucked up dopamine sensitivity (and god knows what other deleterious changes) seems a bit unrealistic.

That is to say, for the past 3 years or so I have felt chronically fatigued, basically lacking any energy to do anything (like exercise for example). Nothing much really interests me and I don't derive much pleasure from anything. How the fuck am I supposed to figure out what I'm passionate about in this current state of being?

While I understand the idea that "waiting for" your recovery before getting on with your life can be detrimental and perhaps trap you in some kind of endless loop, is there not something to be said for being literally unable to figure out what you want to do when your brain is so fucked? That, perhaps, it might become easier to develop such a life vision as one gets further into the recovery process after their brain has had some time to fix its dopamine sensitivity, among other things?

Just curious what people here think about this. I'm not saying that we should use this as an excuse not to try, I think it's just the reality of the situation. If I've essentially rewired my brain via porn for several years I am physically unable to process dopamine the same as other people. I actually cannot get excited about things that other people can, nor do I have interests like other people do. So how are you supposed to force such things as "developing a life vision" upon yourself when you're still physically unable to enjoy something as trivial as being outdoors, or exercise?

Is it not though? I thought that it was responsible for the aforementioned deleterious brain changes? If I had never used porn, who's to say that I wouldn't have developed healthy coping mechanisms and such? Back when I started watching porn I don't think I had too much emotional trauma with which I could offload onto porn. Has it become that way for me over the years? I don't really know; it doesn't feel like it. Just feels like something I do because I enjoy the highly sexualized content.

Maybe I'm just arguing semantics. I think that I understand the point being made - if you want to truly recover you can't fight your porn addiction and only your porn addiction. You have to replace it with other things in your life that demand your attention and focus, and work on building healthier habits. That seems to be the overall message but maybe I'm grossly misinterpreting here.

 

Great post. I agree with you, and relate to what you are describing. Ordinary pleasures are not really enjoyable for me either. Pleasure itself is not something I am really acquainted with.

That being said, being receptive to pleasure (and all that is related to dopamine) is not the only way for us to to find out what we like. Simple example: you can easily tell if you like a dish or not. Your brain might be fucked by porn, or by any other drug, but your senses still work to a certain degree. Another tool we have is our intellect. For instance, I like films and books. As time went by, it became harder for me to actually enjoy reading a book or watching a film. It may even never have been that enjoyable in the first place, since I have been watching porn since I was 13. But rationally speaking, I know that I have an interest for books and films. My pleasure response might be low, but the rational side of me knows that books and films interest me more than cooking, for instance.

As I said, I agree with you. Some guys say that when you heal, you will look behind and ask yourself how you could live this way for so long. We are really fucked when we are hooked on porn, no doubt about that. But I wanted to write this down because that’s what I have been doing for months now: counting on whatever tools I have to get through this. I don’t have much fun or motivation in my daily life, but I try my best to at least understand rationally what is good for me, and to go for it even if I don’t derive much pleasure from doing so. Playing guitar is not as fun as it could be if I was more ‘normal’, but I still know that it’s good for me to practice everyday. By doing this, I feel like I am building something, and I don’t necessarily need to be completely healed to be able to do this.

 

Those are some great points. However, to me, everything you just said seems like a bit of a far cry from what the OP was suggesting we must do, which is to develop a "life vision" of some kind at the very onset of our recovery process. Perhaps though what you're saying could be applied to life vision similarly; maybe I don't feel all that inclined toward anything but I should have some kind of idea as to what degree I like something (or am repelled by it) relative to other options. And perhaps over time these feelings may grow and evolve to the point where I'm able to actually derive pleasure from something that I previously could not (like my work for example). I don't know; it all seems very confusing to me right now. I'm trying to navigate this the best that I can; I'm absorbing as much information and different viewpoints as I can and it seems like, at the end of the day, I have to figure how what works best for me within the overall framework of "what works". I guess it's just part of the process and a big part of overcoming addiction is probably that feeling of "not knowing" and having to figure things out for yourself to a certain extent.

 

Just wanted to say this recovery tracker spreadsheet is excellent. It took me a bit to understand how it works and what you meant by "only change the first date", but it's pretty slick. For anyone else who doesn't get it, make sure you look at the bottom and click the "2020" tab to get to where the actual tracker is. Then change 1/1/2020 to today's date (or whatever date you're starting the tracker from) and it will edit all subsequent cells to reflect one year in advance of that date (even the month names at the top of each table). Pretty cool.