My story

Discussion in 'Women' started by Spoiler1977, Apr 18, 2016.

  1. Spoiler1977

    Spoiler1977 New Member

    I have been with my husband for 14 years it has been a very long battle with porn .Seven years ago we went to marriage therapy he was diagnosed as a sex addict he went to sex addict class a few times then said it was not for him. He calls me controlling bc I have lived by there words they told us he can not watch anything with nudity in it bc it triggers his addiction .well I can't take him to the video store bc there is always a big huge fight about movies I'm sorry I'm just trying to help.I got rid of cable but thanks to my lovely not understanding sister in law she gave him the code to her cable and he watches all the wants on his phone I had a block on his phone for a while but he was constantly yelling at me how I'm trying to parent him. Last year I kicked him out of our home I said it's your addictions that are ruining our marriage don't you get it if it was not for porn or drugs we would have a great marriage well he came crawling back two months later crying begging and i told him I'm only taking you back for our son but this is your final chance well here goes the insanity cycle again I put him out of our bedroom two months ago I have done everything for this man I work I cook I clean I keep in shape I even got implants a few years ago for him it has been 14 wasted years of my life to finally realize he doesn't want to get help he doesn't want to change and I told him to please find a place and move out bc I just don't have it in me any more to deal with these issues it's not fair for me and our son it's not teaching him good. I'm finally doing something for me I joined a co dependent group which has helped me alot .people don't realize porn wrecks marriages it makes wives feel insecure
     
  2. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    You have done nothing wrong and should not hold yourself accountable. As an addict, I can give you an inside perspective into the situation with your husband. Basically, he numbed himself to self-reflection to self-accountability. There is science to back this up. With any addict high brain structures that control higher brain functions sort of die off. Dopamine down-regulation occurs in which the receiving end of dopamine closes off and hence motivation(drive) for certain things die off. He lost a concept of himself, his link to his identity has damaged since he is always in fantasy island. Porn is the mother and gives birth to an assortment of deep seeded issues that are mostly hidden. However, everything can change and heal if we stop porn. I believe someone who heals from this addiction re-engages with reality and therefore, kicks his habit of dozing off to fantasy island. I really hope things change for you and for the better. Have him come to this forum, watch the videos on yourbrainonporn.com, the TED talks, this is an epidemic millions of males are finally waking up from and your husband is no exception. You will find lots of help here.
     
  3. Spoiler1977

    Spoiler1977 New Member

    Thank you for your reply he is not willing to listen to anything I suggest at this time see he was raised as a child that porn was normal his dad would watch out in front of his kids he tells me I'm not his mother and he can do what he wants and he knows the ultimatum I gave him when I took him back in june still he does not care he is in denial so I'm thinking I'm saving my money up to move out so he can hit rock bottom 14 years is enough time to change especially when the arguments are over the same stuff
     
  4. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Out of curiosity how come you didn't do anything about it earlier on? I am sure this guy had his symptoms before 14 yrs. In your case, only you know what is right or wrong. May have taken you 14 yrs to stand up to this but it's about time.
     
  5. Wondering how this is going. Clearly, he has no desire to change, as he sees no problem! That's the bottom line. This recovery process is hard enough for someone who desperately wants to succeed at it. Someone who has no particular desire to change doesn't stand a chance. Respect yourself.
     

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