My story so far (In Depth - 4 months – HEAVY PMO/WEED)

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by alasania94, Jan 24, 2020.

  1. alasania94

    alasania94 New Member

    Hello all,

    So, this is going to be a long post that I suggest all of you read if you get a chance. I've been meaning to write this out for a long time because this journey has singlehandedly been the toughest & most challenging thing I've ever had to go through. The one thing that has continuously kept me going in this journey is the sweet sweet guarantee that if we stick to the steps that have been laid out for us by the pioneers of this movement, we WILL succeed. We WILL heal. It might take 90 days, it might take 6 months, maybe a year, in extreme cases maybe even 2 years, but one day you're gonna look back at all the struggles and I promise you'll be glad you did it. I just want to mention that I will be updating this post with more information when I get a chance. As for my status at the moment, I am currently 160 days clean. Still suffering, but progressing immensely. I will update month by month content in my next post.

    Let me give you a little background:

    25 year old male
    Eats well/exercises often
    no history of any illnesses or genetic causes for ED
    First sexual experience at the age of 17
    relatively no indulgence in PMO or sexual experiences before the age of 16
    First sexual experiences coincided with the first times I ever PMO'd
    Tastes & problematic use didn't start to change until the age of 20/21
    Started off watching directly from tube sites (no playboy/magazines or anything before)

    Let's kick things off by saying that at the age of 17, when I first had sexual experiences, I had no problems with ED whatsoever. The thought of ED never even crossed my mind as to something that would eventually affect me. One of the main "lightbulbs" in identifying that I had PMO related issues is that I originally never had any so there was probably nothing genetic or physical that was wrong with me. The issues had arisen gradually based off environmental factors, lifestyle choices & habits that I had adopted over the ages running from 17-25. I would also like to mention that my first ever encounter with ED related issues happened when I was the age of 21. I was approximately 3-4 years into my first relationship, when I started to get bored of how things were going. There was no particular reason why I started to PMO other than boredom & curiosity for a novel source of excitement. My preferences at first were very vanilla. I would log onto a regular tube site every other day, scroll on the site for 1-2 minutes before picking a video, PMO'ing and shutting it all off. I never lingered or spent much time on porn sites until the age of 21. I was in a relationship at the time, and was starting to get bored with how things were going. Porn was an escape, A way to enjoy myself without feeling guilty. From the ages of 21-23, the time I spent watching porn gradually increased every week. I was fascinated with everything that was at the touch of my fingertips as I had access to an endless array of material. There was something quite exciting about it all to me because it did not cause me any problems per say, I was not being un-loyal, and generally speaking the harms of it all seemed non-existent. Now let me add the fact that starting at the age of 20 I had taken up smoking cigarettes. I was never a heavy smoker but quite consistently smoked 5 cigarettes a day. I just want to include this is my story because it seemed to have been one of the first few things I thought of that could have been given me ED issues when they first started happening. Also, keep in mind that I smoked 2 full years (20-21) and never had any ED related issues at first so that was another reason why I was able to rule out cigarettes as the cause of my ED issues (I also cut out nicotine completely eventually without any change to my ED status so that was the final dagger in exhausting issues with nicotine and ED (even though the correlation has been shown to be true, I was 25 and healthy therefore this normally should not have been the cause of my problems anyway as I wasn't a heavy smoker and my ED issues sort of came on very quick.

    Anyhow, to elaborate a little more on my PMO habits, like I had mentioned previously from the ages of 21-23 was when my habits got a lot worse. I started to generally become uninterested in real life experiences and was more comfortable in just locking myself away at night and satisfying myself with the help of tube sites. As my knowledge and watch count increased, I started to remember specific scenes and my tastes generally started to get much more hard-core. Now to mention one VERY important thing that I think was one of the main reasons behind all of the problems that I had got was the term "edging". You've probably heard of or seen it in many of the video's and posts by YBOP, Noah Church, Gabe Deem and Gary Wilson (special shout out to these three specific men for educating me and generally being very important figures in my own recovery as they have a huge amount of free & accessible information online to warn and help each and every one of us about the dangers/effects of PMO) - Any way back to edging, so essentially what that is surfing tube sites, and watching a plethora of videos searching for that "right one" but never actually finishing. Why this is particularly detrimental to us biologically is because we end up raising our dopamine levels immensely for extended periods of time and keeping them elevated. This causes both sensitization and desensitization in our brains as we now require new stimuli to feel the same affects as before as well as the downregulation of dopamine receptors (as PMO becomes the only "satisfying" thing to your brain, your body starts to feel the effects in normal day to day life as anxiety, restlessness, and general feelings of unhappiness start to take over) These brain related issues are the cause for how ED related issues first arise. This is not normal. Young, healthy men should not be having ANY issues in regards to their erectile health, however PMO subjects our brains to never before seen levels of stimuli that we cannot find anywhere else. Let's take a step back and think of it in the sense of our ancestors - how many partners do you think they encountered in their lives? 1? 5? 10? Let's even go as far as to say 50! Now compare that to the unlimited amount of novelty YOU have access to in 3 hours' worth of time. You could scroll and watch up to a 50 different short videos in ONE night. Multiply that by 3-4 times a week for a few years and you start to paint a real picture of the detrimental effects PMO is causing on your mind. You have natures greatest biological reward at the tip of your fingertips. Hyper-stimulation and constant novelty begin to eat up at your reward circuits, significantly down regulating your dopamine receptors. Gradually, you need more to get you to the same level, similarly to how a cocaine addict needs more and more to get the same high. In my case, the nature of the content would get more intense.

    Marijuana use:

    Month by month breakdown of progress, tribulations and overall effects : Month 1:

    Month 2:

    Months 3:

    Month 4:

    Month 5:

    Month 6:


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