My Story, need to be accountable...

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by E Rock, Dec 11, 2019.

  1. E Rock

    E Rock New Member

    Hello, I am a 26 year old (about to be 27) living in Los Angeles. I have been watching porn since I was very young, around 1st grade. I was given a desktop computer early on in life, and was hardly monitored. My relationship with porn has stopped me from having meaningful irl relationships. I feel like I've missed out on the best sexual years of my life, when people were young and dumb and in college.

    At the moment, I believe I have a version of PIED, because when I'm having sex, I usually feel it getting softer. Although it is usually hard to some extent (albiet significantly smaller than I believe it should be after removal). The thought of the potential of getting softer robs me of my confidence, and slows down my drive to try and meet women. What's the point if I'm just going to disappoint them by not staying hard?

    I have grown accustom to vanilla porn, so much so that it is not what I gravitate towards watching. Like the author of the book "Wack" says, watching too much porn causes a person to seek increasingly more taboo porn. He also says that it can eventually have the effect of turning straight men on to homosexual material. I am definitely not gay, yet for some reason my porn brain now has settled on looking for material starring effeminate men (although with no man to man contact, mostly femdom).

    Like many here, I'm having a difficult time quitting watching porn. I recently went on my 2nd best streak, of 26 days. My first best streak was over 30 days of no PMO. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of "just checking" the twitter of a porn stars account, and one thing led the other. So now I'm sitting here at square one, writing this post. I want to be accountable to someone outside of myself. I have been involved in discussions with both my brother and one of my best friends over porn addiction. Both are addicted like I am, but both are not proactive about the healing process. The author of the book "Wack" suggests that a proactive step is to start posting here, and being active with this community. In addition to this, I plan on adding to a journal every day, to document how I'm feeling and what kind of struggles I'm going through.
  2. StoppingForGood

    StoppingForGood New Member

    I just posted here for the first time a few hours ago.

    I feel loads better doing so having shared my experience but I know it’ll be a difficult battle, but a needed one if I want to get better.

    You’re going to be your own worst enemy of course. “Just checking” Twitter was obviously an excuse you gave into trying to fool yourself. Beat yourself up about it, a moment of weakness, then move beyond it. Whether it’s porn or any other mistake, learning to better yourself from the mistakes you make is what makes you an adult, so this is no exception.

    It will also help chip away at what stops you from seeking out a real woman and staying hard because you’ll have confidence in yourself on a higher level. That won’t come in a day though!

    Keep at it though bud! You and I got this! Keep venting to your friend and brother in your moments of weakness, here too.

    Don’t give your power up. It’s yours 100% of the way and YOU choose what to do with it. Believe in yourself. Believe you have the willpower to succeed, because you do!
  3. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    There's a thread in my profile for help with femdom porn.

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