My story. Giving back to this community + helpful tips

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Henk87, May 14, 2020.

  1. Henk87

    Henk87 New Member

    Hello Guys,

    My name is Casey. I am 32. Got here when I was 25 after my first 'real' adult love, which horribly backfired due to ED and PMO

    In this topic you will find:
    - How to deal with both PE and ED (tips, tricks, anecdote's)
    - My personal story regarding it.
    - How it has affected me, and who I am now.

    In short:
    -started watching P at 14.
    - PMO'ed daily for about 9 years, sometimes multiple times a day.
    - Wake up call at 25.

    God, I was the worst. Not only did I suffer from E/D, but b/c I had conditioned myself to orgasm quickly, the moment I got hard I became a 1 pump chump.

    I never had sex untill I was 25. I always thought I'd end up alone. This made me depressed. I don't know if it was 'real' depression b/c I hadn't tested myself but I definately thought about ending my life at some point.
    25, no job, stuck in school, no house, no car. living with parents. Dreadfull. Oh, and I was watching a shit ton of porn.

    Looking back at that time I wasn't being who I was supposed to be, which caused the frustration. Deep down inside we all know what needs to change.

    Getting to the realisation

    Well, I was behind on some school work which forced me to take class with younger students (20-23) I was 25.
    One day in class I saw this beautiful girl who I instantly liked/got feelings for.
    My self esteem was basically 0 at this point, and I felt like shit. The thought;

    'What could make my life any more shitty than this?

    crossed my mind.

    So I used the school mail to write this chick I had never even spoken with and asked her out.

    To my suprise, she was keen on meeting.

    I had the best 3 hour date of my life. Went back to hers, kissed, drank some tea. It felt like my life, all of a sudden, had pulled a 180 on me in a positive way. (A DANGEROUS MINDSET! more on this later...)

    So, I fell in love, we dated a few times. Fucked a few times, but I noticed I had a problem : I couldn't get hard for the girl I loved.

    From all the emotions I have felt as a human being, This had to be the all time worst. It is hard to describe a feeling where you feel like a useless goof inside a male body. Not capable of making a woman happy, not being able to do what you're solely bred for.....It's one of my lowest points in life. It still hurts writing this down. Losing a loved one is bad sure, but that's not in your control. This is. That's what made it the worst for me, knowing I behaved in a way that made me less of a man.

    So this 21 year old horned up student I was in love with basically saw no use for me. She asked if I could fix her bike or do some plumbing (because you know....having sex with her wasn't my thing. ouch.)

    Our contact eventualy evaporated. I was still madly in love, she couldt care less....I wrote letters, Sought contact after a month....did basically all the cuck shit you can do to drive her away even more.

    The long slow road to recovery.

    Like most of you I googled my symptoms and found this site. Man did my eyes get opened!
    I read all the articles and over the course of a year I realized that watching P and M/O was a HUGE factor in my life regarding not getting on with women thorughout my teens. I was a guy who would mastrubate in the shower before going out. Then, I didn't have 'the balls' (read: testosterone) to talk up chicks or make a move. Why would I? My body got depleted of testosterone, so there was no need to initate female contact. It all made sense.

    So, I abstained. Relapsed, abstained, relapsed etc etc.

    Relapsing isn't a bad thing as long as you evaluate your state of mind afterwards and 'adjust' to a new view.
    (wááy easier said than done)

    What you need to look out for during rebooting are triggers. Only when you quit this fucking idiocy you will see how totally fucked up your mind gets.

    I would have these periods where I abstained and then all of a sudden I thought about a chick I met last summer and her buying a toothbrush.

    So I got 'into' the known horned up porn mindset and spend 1 hour in a busstop looking for toothbrush porn after abstaining from PMO for 3 weeks.

    I looked back at that moment and noticed I let my head get into a train of thought which tricked me into watching porn. It is that evil.

    A few tips I found to be useful:

    Don't think falling in love will magically remove your problems.
    I had a ton of work to do on myself to make things right again.
    Its so easy to look at life through pink glasses when you're in love, completely forgetting your flaws.
    I thought I could change my shitty life, solely b/c of her.

    Shocker: It was not the case. So I took one step forward, 2 steps back.

    Change the way you think about sex.
    Porn is not sex. It's two people fucking in front of a camera for money. There is no intimacy (what you crave) and there are probably 3 or 4 sweaty dudes in the direct vicinity. It's fake, it's not real. What you seek won't be found by watching porn. I keep telling myself that.
    Also: If you're recovering the ONE THING YOU MUST REMEMBER IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX AGAIN:

    IT IS ABOUT HER!

    During my first few times having sex I was 100% focused on 'I hope I don't blow MY load too soon, so that I can enjoy MYSELF a little longer' or 'I hope that I can last longer than ... minutes'. Don't make this about you. Make it about her.

    There is a video of some pornstars talking about this and to prolong your sexual stamina. Good watch, there is fucking in it though but the interviews are good.
    They're using a 'ladder' metaphor: If you're on step 10, there is no way back and you're about to bust. If you're on one there's nothing in the worl that can make you O. Know where you stand on the ladder (regarding PE)
    I noticed that when I made it about her, I almost forgot I had a dick. Look in her eyes. Count till 5 and on each fifth pound her a tad bit extra, she's trying to synchronize thinking of 4 seconds and that unexpected little extra will make her lose her mind. I fucking hate maths so I started looking randomly at shapes/objects and made little sums in my head 'there are 4 cups on the table plus 2 pots is 6, 6 times four legs from that chair is 24, 24 times 8 ass slaps I have given her is....this was a great way to get my body out of the 'oh fuck it's being touched send out the spooge' state.


    - Buy whatever the fuck you use in the shower with MINT /MENTHOL
    like most of you as a teen, one of the few places you could jack it was/is the shower.
    I would routinely mastrubate in the shower. Hey this shampoo feels really good on my dick......
    Try rubbing one out using some mint shampoo as lube. Your dick will burn and it is an unpleasant feeling.
    Thats how I taught myself not to mastrubate in the shower.

    - Don't be Al Bundy on the couch
    Hand in your pants. Itchy ballsack. Cradle balls, fast forward 10 mins later and you feel like jacking off....
    Don't put your hand in your pants.

    -Know that all of your fetishes or kinks you think you have are a direct result of watching porn.
    Remember how you got off on 2 chicks just kissing?
    Remember how that didn't do it for you anymore and you went to a guy and a chick doing it?
    Remember how that didn't do it for you anymore and you went to 2 chicks doing 1 guy?
    Remember how that didn't do it for you anymore and you went to 3 chicks and a guy + anal?
    etc etc etc.
    Eventually I was watching tranny porn. Just to get off. I'm not gay, nor am i attracted to tranny's now.
    But the realisation I fancied some T-puss (thus making me gay) and that this was all due b/c of porn was a disturbing wake up call.

    Analyse your behaviour
    Because I had been on an almost 10 year bender, it wasn't easy (after reading up on ybop) to see how my mind would trick me and wanted me to go down a few steps that would eventually lead to PMO.
    I could see a chick in a bikini on instagram. The porn affected part of my brain would instantly instruct:
    'bikini porn anal'
    I had let my fantasies loose for so many years, that my brain had become a slave to my sexual desires.
    A bad thing!
    After every relapse : analyse. What happened? What triggered me? Why?
    Answering these questions for yourself will hopefully lead to new insights. Remember : the goal is to not let your sexual tendencies take over your brain.

    Improve yourself
    Go work out. Be productive. Do something. Find a hobby. Anything to take your mind off. In the begining my whole life revolved around my broken dick. I had a reason sure, but the process is tiring.

    After my breakup I got even more depressed and sought refuge in fitness.
    Dude, you won't care less about that bitch who dumped you when your goal is to lift [..] kg 25 times and you're at 20. The perspective of things changes.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    How my life has changed / current status.

    After 'she' was totally gone and I got into the process of fixing myself (being able to have sex regularly without PE or ED and fixing shit in my life) I started going on dating apps, going to bars, pursuing women, all the stuff I didn't do between the ages 14-25.

    It worked. It can't say I have become this hardcore pickup artist continuously fucking babes but I know now that if the opportunity arises, i'm good to go! I have learned a lot from this.
    Relapses affected me though. If I would arrange a date on monday to see each other on friday and I would jack off once or twice in that week there was a significant difference in erectile strength.
    One of the ways you discover you're still into the porn mindset is that you 'think' you're healed and can permist just one go at it.....
    Evaluate, adjust.

    I did streaks of 15/20 days, then relapsed. This went on quite some time. ITS PART OF THE PROCESS. Forgiving yourself will lead to liking yourself regarding this.

    The longer you abstain, the more you turn into a fucking beast. Eventually I had so much built up testosterone I started randomly talking to chicks and perform attempts at picking up women.
    It is a really great self esteem boost knowing your biology basically forces you to do that (and be normal!).

    I rarely watch porn nowadays. It's weird now. I know it's not what it's presenting itself to be. You're being fooled. Basically if you keep thinking like this^ eventually you will see the light. You don't need it.
    I do still MO to fantasy sometimes. I find it doesn't affect my erectile strength. I think of actual women I've been with, so I don't bullshit myself.

    This has been longer than I expected it to be but I'm happy to provide in the sense that even if only one person reads this and finds some of it usefull, it was'nt in vain. I remember to this day how outright awful I felt knowing I was a man that couldn't be the only thing every can be and do. This place changed my life. Thank you.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2020
    Pete McVries likes this.
  2. Babyplatypus

    Babyplatypus New Member

    Wow this post is awesome!!! How long did it take it u to cure ur pied?
     
  3. Henk87

    Henk87 New Member

    I'd say about 2 years.

    But I see it like this: the process is still going.

    This way I force myself to never forget.
     
  4. Saq

    Saq New Member

    @Henk87 great post mate

    What withdrawal symptoms did you have?
    And as the recovery went on did you find the withdrawal symptoms decreased with each day of being PMO free?

    Thanks
     
  5. Babyplatypus

    Babyplatypus New Member

    That’s a good question above^^ how long did your flatline take? Thanks for ur response earlier
     
  6. Henk87

    Henk87 New Member

    It's been a while but if I remember correctly: I quit everything for like around 30 days at first. I tried to do 90 but I relapsed. I had some good runs ended by a relapse. Most relapses were just MO's but I tried to be as tough as possible on myself and took it heavy each time it occured.. The best part about it in hindsight would be that porn in general slowly faded out of life. I had a new goal to achieve away from porn. To become a man.
    I don't want to get all macho-bullshitery but one aspect of being a man is someone who doesn't need porn in his life b/c he's not some retard coomer being a slave to his sexual impulses. Pro tip: watch that coomer meme vid on youtube everytime you have an urge.

    As I can remember I didn't really pay attention to withdrawal. I was more like 'let's get this over with'. I was already kinda feeling like shit so....

    I focused more on the positive. Everytime I made contact with a girl I knew it was b/c I hadn't PMO'ed for 3 weeks and had an urge to find women. An urge which would previously lead to PMO'ing. I did notice a change in myself, for example: If I would PMO right before sleep I noticed I woke up feeling dazed and unrested. Over time I began to notice I woke up better, was more rested mentally, had more juice to go on with life...all and all your entire mindset improves b/c you're obviously not fucking up your dopamine household everyday.

    Flatline: This, in hindsight, is a weird one because at one point in my life i was só busy with my sexual act and gear and stuff that it actually felt quite relieving to not have sex on my mind all the time. It was peaceful; I read about other people on here and kind of saw it as a step in the right direction.

    I'd say it lasted about a month in a period of many runs and relapses (hard to remember; I would go 2 weeks without PMO, then just MO, I sometimes had dates over where I knew I was going to bang a week prior and knew that if I 'blew' it (pun) with my testosterone (i.e. PMO/MO'ing) I'd have a shit time with her. Not something I want.
    Everytime stuff like this happened I would feel myself being drawn more to the 'good' (being a normal sexually active male) and realized I was tainted with the bad(porn). Analyse your behavior, think about what made you relapse and then adjust your behavior to avoid it next time.

    edit : updated this post because i forgot the withdrawal part.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2020
  7. Babyplatypus

    Babyplatypus New Member

    Did u do hardmode throughout ur reboot or what?
     
  8. Henk87

    Henk87 New Member

    Yes. The first few months I tried to be as hardcore as possible. It's been a while and I noticed I forgot some of the terminology on here.
    I remember after not looking at porn for some time I 'thought' my dick was healed.

    I tried testing this with porn. Such a dumbass move looking back at it. Erection strength was good, but abstaining from P for 30 days and then seeing some was a HUGE dopamine rush.

    I O'ed without touching myself. This again, was a wake up call and I slowly but steadily adjusted my behaviour like I explained before.

    I also did kegel exercises. They work. Luckily I had trained my PC muscle to some extent when I was a boy; Me and my best friend would always see who could pee the highest.

    Another thing I mentioned when I was watching porn during my recovery was that my 'gooch' (area between dick and asshole) would spasm uncontrollably, making me O faster.
    This again shows that this whole thing was conditioned upon me by myself. So I did kegels and every time this occured I tried to 'push' thinking that it might counter the spasms. Over time the spasms went away.
     
  9. Dee556pak

    Dee556pak New Member

    Hey brother. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us.. and btw did you ever try viagra or any other pills? If yes how was your experience and would you recommend it for someone who is suffering from Ed and PE.
     

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