My recovery journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by IceJack, Jan 20, 2019.

  1. IceJack

    IceJack New Member

    Goal: to get rid of unwanted fetishes I got in the past few years of heavy porn addiction.

    Fetishes: transgender and homossexual stuff, which I never had before this damn addiction.
    I've also got a few other fetishes but those don't make me uncomfortable as these two, because obviously I was always a straight guy and getting into this type of thing is strongly against my own identity.
    No need to mention that, since I've always "flirted" with different types of OCD, these fetishes gave me a damn disturbing HOCD.

    Seriously, this sucks.
     
  2. IceJack

    IceJack New Member

    January 20, 2019:
    I've had a really intense struggle trying to get unwanted fantasies related to those fetishes out of my mind.
    My mind is trying to make these fetishes even more intense and extreme, going full homossexual at times and trying to make me believe that I may be turning bi, which I don't want.
    I almost masturbated so I could ejaculate and, by doing so, those thoughts would go away for a while, but I don't want my brain to associate these unwanted fantasies with pleasure, so I resisted.

    The thoughts keep poping on my mind and making me almost go insane. I wish I could go back in time a couple years ago and decide to not get into this sort of pornography...
     
  3. IceJack

    IceJack New Member

    Had some unwanted thoughts and fetish related intrusive sexual fantasies yesterday and a few ones today. I think I'm being able to recognize patterns and triggers when they happen, so it will probably help.
     
  4. IceJack

    IceJack New Member

    I feel the fetishes and unwanted thoughts already becoming weaker, but the urges to fap to normal porn had become stronger. Will keep resisting.
     
  5. IceJack

    IceJack New Member

    I've been doing really fine for the past days. But today some of the old thoughts wanted to come back. I keep dodging then like a Neo.
     
  6. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    One thing you could try, if you are not trying to eliminate MO, is to masturbate without fantasy. Just focus on the physical sensation. Like most of us on this forum, years of porn have filled our fantasy inventory with our porn images. Unless you are also able to be intimate with a woman, the temptation to fantasise and then use porn imagery is quick to take over.

    Maybe something like MO without fantasy can retrain your brain?
     
  7. IceJack

    IceJack New Member

    Maybe. I guess I'll masturbate once a month or so, trying to not have any of these dumb fantasies. Let's see how that goes.
     
  8. FUBB

    FUBB Member

    If you follow this advice @IceJack, I advise that you wait until you are three or four months into the process. The reason is you are recovering from cravings for dopamine in your brain. Masturbation, even without fantasy, produces dopamine and will slow down your reboot. The nearer to the start of your reboot the harder it will be to keep pornified images out of your mind when masturbating. Therefore, you may reinforce what you seek to eliminate. :oops: I recommend you to continue with no P or M for now.
     
  9. IceJack

    IceJack New Member

    Ok, thanks. I think I'll try the 90 days first then.
     
    Caoimhín likes this.

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