My Recovery ~ Hope_89

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Hope_89, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    My introduction to porn is pretty much like everybody else; got curious about this stuff around early teens, started enjoying it, time went on I started to use it as an know the story. Something interesting happened though around 2010-11. This is when I realised I actually had a problem, proof? I couldn't go without porn for 30 days! Like seriously! I would go for 2--3 weeks and then slip...slip BAD. I'm talking binge for several days, edging like a crazy addict. Well, I started researching the internet (Google) and started to try to put the puzzle together bit by bit. It was hard for me to understand that I REALLY couldn't stop this. Time went by and somewhere along the way I found a great online program called Candeo (I'm sure some of you guys already know it) I got on the program a few months ago and learnt some pretty concrete stuff during the beginning; the scientific explanation behind porn addiction, importance of healthy outlets etc but as the training went on I feel like it kind of lost alot of relevance along the way and got too spiritual if you know what I mean :-\ Regardless, I still couldn't manage to break the funk and I was still stuck in my '3-5 day-clean-then-slip' routine. Roughly two months ago things got really exciting as someone posted on the forum a link to the BEST website for porn addicts; Amazing! I don't know what else to say. It was like the information and tools I had gotten from Candeo and probably every other website finally got the framework it all needed. The way Gary broke down the information, the rebooting account, and tons of articles...WOW. Hope you can feel my excitement from over here ;D

    Well let me say it like this; since I started my reboot I am now without porn for 47 days and M (without fantasy) today for the first time in roughly 8 years and it felt great! I felt like I was 12 years old again. These are the two main benefits I've gotten so far from my reboot.

    1) Hooooorny: Real girls turn me on like crazy! I didn't know girls where THAT sexy. It's not even just cleavage but little things like hips or even just legs, hair, or just their voice. I know I sound like a over-horny teen but those of you who've been addicted to porn for years and broke free (or about to like me) can relate to this. Those of you who can't just wait you'll understand ;D The logical explanation is probably that my brain is becoming more sensitized to simple stuff after it got a long deserved break from the over stimulation of hardcore porn for all these years.

    2) Better coping skills; I can deal with negative stuff alot easier. Like if I get stressed out I don't run to porn but try to find alternative ways to deal with it like eating chocolate, journaling or playing video games and if I can't solve the problem; just let go! Finally starting to break free from my control-freak mode. In the past I would be over-sensitive to the smallest problems and seek an immediate escape through porn. Good to finally have some balls to live with your problems if you can't solve them :D

    Other than that, the basic stuff;

    - I'm 23, male
    - Train Brazilian Jiu Jitsu; Actually it could be interesting to see if there are other BJJ enthusiasts in here
    - Aiming to go without porn for the full 100 days

    Guess that's enough for now :D

    Looking forward to post over here every once awhile and read other's journals to contribute with whatever I can :)

  2. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Hey man!!!

    I'm so happy to hear about your progress. You're doing very good!

    There is no other website like YBOP. It is by far the best. Gary did a magnificent job with it. You can thank him here:

    I tried Candeo but as an atheist myself I absolutely hated it. Why do they have to bring god into this? This addiction has absolutely nothing to do with god or religion or morality.

    What about not watching porn ever again in your life? Isn't that much better?

  3. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    exactly! and whats with all this stuff about objectification and looking into souls lol All I want to do is quit porn and NO its not weird for a man to look at a women the way we do, its what we do about it that matters.

    Challenge accepted :) I figured that setting a specific target would help me stay focused but well, why not go for the big one right?

    Nice to meet u buddy
  4. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    A target is very good.

    You can go for 100 days (or less if you want) of complete abstinence and then decide if you want to have sex or start a masturbation schedule.

    Porn must be eliminated forever though. There's no reason at all to watch it again sometime in the future.
  5. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    ''Day 51: Half-way there

    I got to day 50! Even though last night I almost slipped. I was sleeping in the living room watching TV very late at night as usual (3-4 AM). I was so tired though nothing serious really happened even though the thoughts crossed my mind. It was a combination of factors that nearly pushed me to act out;

    1) Late at night in the living room ALONE
    2) Watching alot of gray material lately

    This is a problem! Especially the grey material business. It's stuff like hot girls in movies, scenes that relate to sex, Kimbra in the music video 'Somebody That I Used To Know' etc etc

    I need to understand that this is not my libido kicking in but the addiction! Its OK to be attracted to REAL WOMEN in REAL LIFE I suppose. That's it! I'll allow myself to get aroused by real women but try to avoid looking at the women on TV. But how is this even possible! Sex is everywhere and there's no way to avoid really.

    Stay focused. What really matters is what you DO; as long as I don't act out its OK. No virtual women, try to reduce eyeing real and don't stay up late at night.

    Half-way there!!''

    Anybody pretty far in their reboot that still experiences urges to act out every once awhile?

  6. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    Underdog you're right man, porn is wack! There's way too many beautiful women out there to be wasting time with images on a screen :D
  7. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    Day 57

    The urges to get on the internet and masturbate to porn have been at a peak the last couple of days. It feels like life is just so boring. I'm picking up on the boringness of my daily life; get-up, watch TV/run errands, lift weights/train BJJ, come home, watch tv/surfe the net, and get back to sleep. Next day repeat!

    Is it because my life is very boring or is my brain just screaming for entertainment i.e. porn? I guess I'll need to figure out something spontaneous and completely out of my schedule that will calm down my limbic system.

    So far still going, not strong, but still going ;)
  8. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    I had similar strong PMO urges at around the 60 day mark last time....and I failed. Stay strong!
  9. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    Day 64

    Spinergy for sure buddy ;)

    Feel like shit at this point and trying to do whatever I can to feel better so I had a chocolate bar not long ago (my usual replacement when I cant do a healthy outlet like exercising)

    Times like this I feel a tiny urge to get back to my habit of PM but then again I know this isn't an option anymore; I'll have to figure out something else to do. Other than that since last; I'm no longer getting super excited around females as during the early days of my reboot (3rd week) but still get semi-excited. Sign of libido re-balancing?

    I'm at a point right now with my reboot where staying away from porn is no longer the hard part but finding something exciting to fill this void is. As I count my clean days I start to realise more and more how much of a void porn was filling in my life from lack of excitement and spontaneity in my life to my poor of self-image. Rebooting really helps you see your life for what it truly is :-\
  10. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    "I'm at a point right now with my reboot where staying away from porn is no longer the hard part but finding something exciting to fill this void is. As I count my clean days I start to realise more and more how much of a void porn was filling in my life from lack of excitement and spontaneity in my life to my poor of self-image. Rebooting really helps you see your life for what it truly is "

    I can relate to this completely. Im 42 days in and taking away the drug of PMO has just shown me how empty my life is. What am i doing? Now i have no fantasy world im barely a participant in the real world. Time to do things.
  11. GABE

    GABE Porn gave me a limp noodle

    " I'm no longer getting super excited around females as during the early days of my reboot (3rd week) but still get semi-excited. Sign of libido re-balancing?"

    Yes this is perfectly normal my man...just a flatline... And yes tons of guys go through multiple flatlines... ups and downs.. not linear as you already know!
    keep goin.. Gotta get other things to take up your time!
  12. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    finallyfound: like you're finally living in 3D and life hits you hard but you don't have your crutches anymore so you have to find urself a new set ;D stay strong buddy day 42 is around the time when the fun really starts to kick in :)

    gabe: will do sir!
  13. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Did you suffer any symptoms like ED or was it just loss of libido? Man that's great. This is the stuff of inspiration, I'm only at a week and so far not real close calls of relapse. I do get urges, but I've gone 2 weeks before. It was the 2 week mark that started to get the better of me.
  14. lggh

    lggh New Member

    Good progress. Watch out for a slip, I ruined my "streak" after 45 days with a binge and it really sucks.
  15. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    darkknight: I didn't lose my libido or get ED I just wasn't getting super horny over females like around day 30-40. Back then I'd quickly get a boner over girls simple features like legs or even hair. Kinda like a over-horny 16 year old if you know what I mean.
  16. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    btw dude keep going things get REALLY exciting around day 30 like a wrote earlier. You'll feel like a real man and real females will turn you on like crazy. One thing that helps is reading books, exercising alot and eating chocolate when things get tough. I also go for walks when things stress me out too much sometime (we have a nearby pond) and it really calms me down.


    Porn = Poor choice of self-medication

    Your job, aswell as all of us is to find the right type of medication and stick with it!
  17. navi

    navi New Member

    Really pleased for you, you must be thrilled. Well done and keep up the good work.
  18. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    thanx navi ;)

    Day 75

    75 days with no porn! 75, 75, 75. I can't believe how far I've come and still find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that I've managed to stay away from my drug of choice for all this time. It makes me glad yet at the same time as I write this I look towards the future and what life will be after this. Life will never be the same anymore and getting on to this site and beginning my reboot was as pivotal as the day I watched my first porn video ten years ago at my friend's house. Back then I used to be into alot of things and one of the hobbies I used to have was aggressive skating. Actually I'm thinking about picking up this old hobby of mine again, but at 23? Isn't that kind of old :-\ Well, since porn was my primary source of fun and excitement for all these years, I suppose skating again would be a perfect replacement. Its funny because I remember before I began this reboot reading somewhere on YBOP that the reboot experience would be alot like 'peeling back the skins of time' and going back to the 'old you'; this is definitely true in my case.

    On the physical side of things; I now know I'm going through a flat-line for sure. The hornyness is just not there anymore. This could possible also be tied in with the fact that I haven't had a wet-dream in weeks. This is probably because I've been masturbating once in a while since day 50; so I'll have to do something about this, which I've figured out. I will not masturbate until day 100 and see if my libido comes up again. I masturbated this morning and this will be my last time for the next 25 days. Btw by masturbating ofcourse what I mean is zero porn + fantasies. Oh yeah, when I'm done I don't get chaser effects at all. Just feel so calm right now. Like....nothing. No heart beating fast, pulse raised, edging for more I REALLY was a fuck-up a few months ago ;D

    Until next,

    Go strong, never give up, if you see the slip coming change your environment. I wish you all the best.

  19. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Congratulations. This a truly great post.

    You're becoming not only the person you were, but the man you were meant to be.

    This is the fundamental purpose of the reboot/recovery exercise.

    Stay strong.
  20. Hope_89

    Hope_89 New Member

    ''You're becoming not only the person you were, but the man you were meant to be.''

    So true :) Thanks for the encouragement guys

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