My Reboot Log (A97)

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by A97CU4ca, Jun 1, 2019.

  1. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    EDIT: I adjusted the title to not crowd the forum with new posts, so this one will serve as my log/journal.

    I'm still getting acquainted with some concepts on this forum. One thing I keep reading is about the harm of fantasy. There seems to be many contributors who beat themselves up over thinking about banging their local barista.

    If these young men are referring to clearing their minds of the visuals from their porn use, I would understand-- but it seems to be abstinence from any sexual thoughts. I understand that for some people fantasy and PMO are strongly linked, but...

    As men in our 30's, who experienced sex before the novelty of high-speed internet porn, fantasy shouldn't seem like such a detriment to our success. It's something we do naturally.

    I'm not saying that it's okay to try and think back to the 'BONER JAMS '07'--- but to use fantasy to the extent it will give you that 'half chub' while your walking around. Apply it in healthy ways (for instance women you flirt with).

    Why do I say this? Because of the 'use it or lose it' principal. I believe that if the mind completely abstains, and carries on that way for 500+ days, you're possibly doing yourself some harm (unless of course you're still having sex while rebooting).

    What do you guys think?
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2019
  2. Joost

    Joost New Member

    Depends on if it's a good or a bad fantasy. But who's to define what's good and what's bad?
    'Banging your local barista.' is a bad fantasy to me. Imagine we all would fantasize about banging the local barista. The coffeehouse would soon be known as a whorehouse. Life's not a movie named 'Banging Baristas.'
    You see my point is your young mind is tainted by a pornographic culture. You watch women through the eyes of a filthy immoral heart and thus you treat them accordingly.

    Let's apply your 'use it or lose it' principal to imagination itself. You are here born into this world, a completely unique living being of whom there isn't another. You have been given imagination, a wonderful gift of creative power. But who can create can also destroy. As a young kid you may have dreamed up things, you pulled them right there out of thin air. Beautiful things. It's something you did naturally. Your heart wasn't a corrupt place. You weren't seeing the world through 'fifty shades of grey.'

    Porn is destructive imagination. You don't live for women and women don't live for you. A woman alone won't ever fulfill the needs of your heart. Even if she'd match your supposed perfect fantasy. You care to know why? Because she isn't a fantasy. She is real. A human being like you with hopes, dreams and a heart in need of love. Your local barista is. The women on your screen are. The woman that gave birth to you is. Add some reality to your imagination. As much as you might tend to lock beautiful girls within the four corners of an x-rated scene, or your bedroom, extend your imagination towards life itself. You might find out your actually here for a purpose way more adventurous and greater than banging your local barista.

    So, imagination. Use it wisely, or lose it foolishly to the world of flesh.

    Ask God's guidance. He'll show you what's good and bad fantasy for you.
  3. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Harm not necessarily, but it is just way more difficult if you have sexual fantasies. They are often a stepping stone to PMO. Besides, amongst the people that do not fantasize about the barista, the guy that actually bangs her is one of them. Why doesn't he fantasize about her? Because he bangs her :)

    It is very personal I guess. For me fantasies have always been an escape. A safe place where I could hide away from the real world. Later porn took that function. Both are the same thing to me.
    doanl, Doper and SeekingWisdom like this.
  4. Doper

    Doper Member

    It depends what you're looking for. If you are trying to cure PIED I can tell you with 100% certainty that you will not get better if you are fantasizing with any regularity. Every time you feel that dopamine hit you are doing damage, and I can get probably as much of a hit from fantasy as porn. Abstinence from any sexual thoughts is the only way to heal. Use it or lose it is a myth when it comes to sexual functioning. My lengthy experience has been that it's the exact opposite.
  5. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    Do you find that a relapse, like one or two PMO's puts you back in that PIED state?
  6. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I'm no expert, but I really don't think you can abstain from fantasies. Fantasies will come up wether you like it or not. Abstaining from fantasies to me is like trying to push a ball into water. The more you push and push the more the air in the ball wants to go up and you can't keep pushing that ball down all the time. At a certain point you can no longer hold it back and it will jump out of the water. To me that's a waste of energy in two ways: first of all for trying to control something you can't control and second of all because of blaming yourself for not being to control it. And on top of that, because you try to push away something that doesn't go away you give it a lot more attention than you probably should give it.

    To me there is a difference between having fantasies and getting lost in fantasies though. I don't think that having sexual fantasies like wanting to bang your local barrista is that bad. However, when you stay in that fantasy and actively feed it...yeah, that will probably not be very beneficial to getting away from porn. Watching porn and making up a porn story in your mind are both porn. And although I don't think you can control fantasies popping up I do believe you can do something about getting lost in them. There are meditations where you limit getting lost in thoughts by simply acknowledging the thoughts when they pop up and don't act like they are the most important thing in the world that need your immediate attention. I think this works the same way with fantasies. So fantasies will pop up wether you like it or not, but by not giving them more attention than necessary, they will dissappear as fast as they came.
    Doper and A97CU4ca like this.
  7. Doper

    Doper Member

    If ones dick seems likes it's functioning great and then several orgasms later erections rapidly go down hill, then that person has and had PIED. Even if for a bit it seemed like things were better. That's how lots of relapses happen, people get some signs of life downstairs, their erections are hard, and they think they are cured and then they go bust some nuts and things go to shit fast.
    If this is your first time doing this just get it done and never mess up again, messing up and half-assing it is how you turn rebooting into an absolute life wasting endeavor that takes years and years. It takes several times longer to cure yourself than to re-acquire PIED, I've done both and so here I am again. Don't make the same mistake. And what "Living" mentioned about feeding the fantasy is what I was getting at, you can't stop sexual thoughts popping into your head but don't dwell on them.
    A97CU4ca likes this.
  8. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    I'm still managing--- I'm less irritable than I thought I'd be at this point. I've received some very encouraging replies here and on other threads--

    BUT... I can't help but feel this is a pointless endeavor when trying to address PIED.

    There are guys who've abstained from PMO for as long as a year without seeing the benefits. I feel like for every one success story there are five "Day 500+" who've shared stories about not getting hard during real sex. I'm scared all the work will mean nothing, and that I've screwed up my body somehow.
  9. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    Yes, this is what I was getting at. However, you guys made a good point about the parallels between porn and fantasy.
    Living likes this.
  10. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    I had a relapse today. Called out sick from work and sat behind a laptop. PMO'd twice today.

    A week ago I was freaking out because it was taking longer to get aroused and hard, even to porn. After a week free, I can get erect without hand stimulation (while viewing porn) so I am seeing some mild benefit thus far.

    When I rubbed one out (both times), I noticed I barely need to touch my dick. It only took a couple strokes, the sensitivity was off the charts, and the volume of semen was pretty insane.

    Cutting the porn for that week wasn't so hard, what literally caused me to relapse was listening to videos of guys with this struggle describe what their favorite genre of porn was. I'm sitting there listening to these guys describe their Instagram feeds, Snapchats, and how hard it was for them to stop--- meanwhile, I'm thinking, "I should try searching that."
  11. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your slip. Ofcourse it sucks, but it might be good to keep in mind that it happens to all of us. Just part of journey:)

    I think it's good to be realistic about this. There can be a whole lot of reasons why people are not seeing benefits after a long while. First of all: everybody on here (I assume) is self-diagnosed. On here we like to link a growth in ED to the rise of internet-porn, but other causes of ED have taken flight too in the last decades, for example obesity and diabetes. In the same period there have also been increases in pyschological causes like stress and depression. Everybody on here that has ED has made the link between watching too much porn and their ED, but that doesn't mean they all have PIED. Where this is not the case going 500 days without porn will ofcourse not make a difference.

    Besides that, someone's ED can have multiple causes. One can have PIED and for example ED caused by diabetes. Another well-known cause of ED is performance anxiety, but perhaps we should be aware too that ED might cause performance anxiety too. I mean the way all of these guys on here are so focussed on their dicks, I can imagine that some get rather insecure (and that's an understatement) about that. So in cases like that one might cure their PIED in 500 days, but are still stuck with an erectile dysfunction. So if you have still not recovered after such a long period it might be worthwhile to look if there is perhaps a bit more to it than PIED. Or perhaps you should start with that before you put in 500 days:)

    And perhaps there is more to it than 'just' going a whole lot of days without PMO. In some circles that is fairly accepted, but there are still a whole lot of guys that think that if they abstain from porn long enough everything will be alright. While that might work with some issues, with others it will not. Especially when you talk about addiction I think it will often take a whole lot more to deal with your problems.

    That's a tricky thing about spending too much time dealing with this. Whether you are watching porn or trying to quit porn, in both situations you are focussing on porn. In my opinion it's more helpful to focus on where you want your life to go than focussing on what you are getting away from.
  12. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    I agree that we have more contributing factors these days, and the anxiety of ED becomes it's own self-fulfilling prophecy, but I'm convinced it's due to porn. I'm single, so don't really need to worry about privacy and would find the time to yank one out up to three times a day.

    I've have normal day to day worries, but my stress levels tend to be high, but I think it's a part of how I function. If I didn't have some level of work stress, I don't think I'd be doing my job properly (that sounds weird, but I put up the numbers).

    I don't believe it's anxiety, because it never happened with the women prior to when I turned 33 years old . That's when the quality of success gradually declined, and I started using supplements to 'cover the deficit' of a 90% erect penis.

    There are three factors I can think of, I keep pretty healthy with the exception of these, and I definitely need to make moves on cutting:

    -Smoking (about a pack every week)
    -Starbucks (I have a big sugary drink every morning_
    -Maybe I drink too much soda (I'll have a can with dinner)
    -Pot (okay, I'm pretty guilty of lighting up after work)

    I barely drink, it's not my thing.
  13. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Good:) My point was not so much about you though, but about the amount of unsuccesful stories you mentioned. I don't know a whole lot about ED, but when someone relies primarily on abstinence and sees no results after over 500 days I think it's wise to reconsider wether this is the right solution to the right problem.

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