Hey peeps I've been knocking about this site for a while now, but after ANOTHER failed reboot ( I managed 3 months with 1 relapse) I'm starting a journal for accountability and to track my progress and hopefully get support and input from you amazing people Well I'm going to try and refrain from rambling on endlessly but here i go... I'm 25 and still live at home with my mom. My life is going nowhere i feel I'm stuck in a rut that i can't find a way out of. The past ten years have been marred with recreational drug use and drinking, fighting and wasted opportunity. I've become a person that i hate and i think others do as well. I've created this tough persona to mask the insecure scared person i really am. I've tried to let go of this but I've been putting up a front for so long I'm not sure how to be the nice caring person i feel that i can be. I've never had a sexual relationship. I started masturbating around the age of 13-14 and started off masturbating to soft-core pornography but for the most part i just masturbated to fantasy. This all changed when i reached the age of 19 and i got fast internet access. I started watching pornography and masturbating multiple times a day. I was always shy growing up and found it difficult talking to girls, as i got older i used alcohol to become more confident and be able to flirt with females. I made out with many girls but lacked the confidence to be able to have sex. The first time i had a chance to have sex i was 21, the girl stripped naked and told me to take my clothes off and i just froze, i felt nothing happening down stairs and just made my excuses that i was to drunk and got out of there! I had never felt like such a loser. Then a year later i was in bed with a girl making out, we was both naked and i couldn't get erect even when see performed oral sex. I had to stimulate myself to get erect and lost my erection after 2 minutes of intercourse, i had never felt so embarrassed in my life. After another failed attempt at sex i just stopped trying to get girls into bed, i would make out with girls when drunk but would never pursue it further to avoid the embarrassment of getting ED. All the time i would masturbate 1- 3 times a day usually to porn not knowing this is what is most likely causing my ED with real females. I found the YBOP website around a year ago and it was a revelation! I instantly tried to quit pornography and masturbation and soon found how hard it was and many relapses ensued. I was finally managed to get to 8 weeks no PMO and i got an erection just kissing a girl and i felt i was on the road to recovery! But things didn't quite workout with the girl and i had started a new job and found it stressful with the reboot and i ended up relapsing. The new year came and went i turned 25 and knew i had to change, if i was ever to be happy i had to do this. I started a new reboot and i was going strong, I was still doing the job and it looked like my life was finally going somewhere. The only bad thing was i was suffering from increased anxiety from the reboot and i found it stressful doing my job, so i walked out... Alot of people didn't understand why i walked out at the time as i haven't told anyone about what i was going through, but i made a decision at the time the reboot and fixing my ED was the most important thing in my life at this time. I got to 3 months with one relapse halfway through. I think i was still flatlining as i felt pretty dead down there most of the time. I was getting morning wood and I had 2 wet dreams, the first time i had ever had them! I had some unrelated problems occur in my life that lead me to me relapse hard i been PMO'ing alot the last week. I've realised i PMO to deal with stress and bad shit that occurs in my life, well im putting a stop to this now. Well i ended up rambling If you've read all this thank you, it was good to get it out. My heads a little messed up but i'm putting all my energy into sorting my life out and not wasting my life being unhappy. I know the changes i am making are intended to be for life and thats what i intend but i am giving this 6 months as the 3 months in the previous attempt wasn't enough. After 6 months if i haven't seen any sign of serious progress i am going to have to evalute whether this process can work for me. That being said i have faith. Goals for the next 6 months and beyond: Complete abstinence from porn and masturbation Get in the best shape of my life No Drugs! No binge drinking Take better care of myself Get closer to my family, send more time with them and try to include them in my life and to be a bigger of a part if theirs Get my career up and running again Limit the internet for education purposes only Seek counseling if needed Become more confident and extroverted without the need for alcohol or drugs Be more flirtatious with females Find a girlfriend Cure E.D Well thats it! I will be updating this journal every 2-3 days as im limiting my time on the internet. I wish everyone the best of luck on their journey, i understand how hard this is but if i'm ever going to be happy i've got to do this.