I should start with news sites. Like you all, scrolling was/is a trigger for me. Especially instagram and TikTok which I’ve stopped using. Hadn’t really thought about replacing those with news but that’s a really good idea.
I also like to scroll on deal pages, basically sites where people can post about good shopping deals. I'm pretty disciplined in only buying what I need. Besides that I have the apps of local super markets and check the weekly offers. I appreciate buying efficiently and making a good deal here and there, so it isn't completely unproductive.
Day 70. Nearly slipped today. Been working nights, and when I go to sleep in the morning, I'm at my weakest. Thanks to the porn blocker, I didn't make it. Felt the urge and the numb feeling taking control, but it let go once my brain understood that it didn't get what it wanted. Phew!
So I slipped. Initialy very disappointed, a bit ashamed. But also I've had it coming. The last week I've been sleeping about 3 hours a day, working night shifts, high amount of stress at work, high amount of stress at home. I'm involved in many projects, I've applied for a new job, been exercising heavily, and last night I tipped it off with alcholol, was home alone and accidently discovered a loop hole in my porn filter on my phone - I didn't have the strength to fight it. It's not an excuse, but a lesson learned. Now after been sleeping on it, the shame is gone. I made it 71 days. A year ago I would have PMOd about 100 times in the same time period. I'll make 90 days, and even step up the challenge; I want to make 90 days without masturbating.
Aye. Back on the horse with ya, and once more into the fray! 70 days is pretty impressive. And sleep deprivation is not to be trifled with.
For a time periode earlier this year, I tried to consume something else than porntubes - so I joined telegram. I found channels to follow the war in Ukraine, a topic I was highly engaged in. Since all newsfeeds got most of their information from T, I thougth that diving into the raw data was excellent way to distract myself whenever I wanted to watch porn. Also a great opportunity to try to learn russian, so I learned the cyrillic alphabet, took regular online free courses and tried my best to decipher messages and comments. Worked for a while. But then I found channels with footage from the war. At first clips from afar, like they show on the news, artillery and drone images of vehicles burning or blowing up - but then also pov footage. Brutal images of people dying, footage of severly wounded soldiers, executions, corpses. And something ticked in me. From being addicted to porn, I got addicted to war footage. It escalated, I kept searching for gorier footage, wanted more. Yeah, I stopped with PMO for a while, but holy fuck, I've seen some shit that I cannot unsee. That was a numbness on a completely new level. This.. Addiction to videos with extreme content, it's both disturbing and fascinating. It lasted until I came over porn channels in Telegram, and I was back on the porn again. Now, I've deleted my account and blocked my way back. That was a place I hope I never get back into.
That sounds positively horrifying. Seems like that theory, that ppl tend to escalate in severity in regards to porn applies here, too: the more shocking, the stronger we react, the bigger the impact of the usage. Hope you can forget or at least dull what you've seen, man.
Day 6, almost 7. No urges at all, no anxiety, no depression, I don't feel ashamed or even flatlined, so that is very different from last time at day 7. I haven't got an erection since I slipped, so that's a very physical reaction to the whole thing.
