My public journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by NorwegianNurse, Aug 27, 2023.

  1. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    I'm not going to write a long story here. Watching porn from early teens. Now 31. Just realized three-four years ago that porn was actually a problem, and how significant it was for me. Been trying on and off since then to quit.

    Now reached my 10 day mark for the first time in a long time. Urges are insane, but I will overcome.
    NewHorizon likes this.
  2. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    Just reached my 14 day mark. Feeling some what.. Different. Urges still there, but not as intense as they where four days ago. Masturbated once, but not to porn or porn fantasy. I'm not in this for no fap, just to get out of the need to watch porn.
    BackOnTrack and NewHorizon like this.
  3. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    17 days. Almost broke it today. Found a website that creates nudes with ai tech, and that it was not blocked by my porn blocker. Urge is very strong, but it wont get to me. I left the site, did not create anything.

    Facing big challenge soon. Going on two night shifts. Until now I've always watched porn in my bed after night shifts before sleeping. But I will overcome.
  4. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    Made it through. Almost slipped into some tiktok-shit, but I stayed out. 21 days since I last watched porn.
    OldMillenial likes this.
  5. OldMillenial

    OldMillenial Member

    Feel ya. I discovered porn and MO had practically been a sleeping pill for me. Been thinking about MO just to be able to get some sleep before work but abstained. Actually all the extra energy is making it so one night of just a couple of hours of sleep doesnt murder me like before.
    NorwegianNurse likes this.
  6. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    Day 26. Feels like something has radically changed. I'm 'forgetting' that I'm a recovering porn addict, I find myself thinking less and less of porn, the urges are barely there. I've been home alone, sitting on my pc (which has no porn filter) and not even thinking of searching for porn. Three weeks ago, this was a *major* challenge. My sexual feelings for my girlfriend has kind returned or something, strong sexual feelings I havent really felt for months or years maybe (we've been together for 12 years). Previously, any need for intimacy has been resolved with porn. Now I'm more emotionally connected with her. I have more motivation now than ever before to really get out of this addiction
  7. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    30 f*cking days. 1/3 of the 90. Holy shit, I made it this far.

    The urges has been insane since last post. What an irony. Sometimes I think that this forum reminds me that I'm a recovering porn addict, but at the same time it motivates me to keep going.

    It's easier to fight the urges noe though. But I get this numb sensation at the top of my head. My brain is going like "c'mon, just a peek. A peek won't hurt", and I can feel this.. Numbness taking over, a feeling of just "fuck it, what's the worst that could happen, just watch some porn". And this.. Feeling of not being in control over my thoughts, is what keeps me going. It terrifies me. If I cannot control my own desire, It's not my desire. I want this feeling to go away, and not by watching porn.
  8. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    41 days. It's just keep being easier. My brain is rewiring itself, I can feel it. Things that acted like triggers before (edgy profiles on Some e.g.). Things that previously triggered me into watching porn, is easily ignored. Some days are still rough, and some days I'm almost slipping, but I'm floating, getting easier to fight back.

    That's not all. I'm feeling more alive, enjoying my life and my passions more, feels like a burden is lifting off me. I'm excercising more, feeling less gray, depressed and shameful. Porn is no longer filling a need or a hole in my soul, I can enjoy gaming, work with out the urge to watch porn. I can take s shower and have my phone with me into the bathroom or go to bed with the phone on the nightstand, and not feel a hint of urge to look up porn, or use tons of energy to get around my porn filters and watch some gabbage shit.

    Almost half way to 90 days. 9 days until 50 days. I feel great. I can do this.
  9. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    And thats a win! Congrats, keep at it.
  10. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Pretty impressive that you have a streak like this on your first go!
    Keep going!

    The benefits of nofap can feel pretty great too.
  11. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    Hey, thanks guys. I needed that. Hard day today, no reason, just urges.

    Thanks! Yeah, maybe I'll get into trying nofap. First goal is to get hard out of porn, maybe review after 90 days.
  12. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Ah Ok, so you still MO?
    Good for you if that works.
    It didn't work for me in the beginning when I was still very used to watching porn.
    It is somehow easier not to masturbate for awhile then to MO and get pulled back to porn.
    When horny the rational part of the brain isn't properly working.. ;-)
    However after full 90 days of no porn, I can now MO from time to time and it's not as risky to relapse.
  13. OldMillenial

    OldMillenial Member

    This is an interesting topic. I have MO'd occasionally during the second half of my 70+ day PMO free streak.
    I feel like a new man because of no porn. The no MO-benefits are gone, but no MO brought me anxiety after 30+ streaks.
    I had no wet dreams I was aware of for 40+ days either, I was really clogged up I felt.
    Spontaneous boners, huge flaccid size, unbelieveable confidence, increased mood and energy is not here anymore.
    But also the anxiety, overactive brain and insane craving for gf that builds up when not fapping for 20+ days is gone. Now I am pursuing that hard mostly because I remember how much I craved it a couple of weeks ago.

    Trying to find a good middle road, maybe MO once or twice a month. Current streak is only 3-4 days and no nofap-benefits yet.
  14. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    Yeah, I still MO. But I never fantazise about porn any more. I can fantasize about real girls I've met or real past sexual experiences.

    Previously, if I was masturbating without porn, I could fantasize to favourite porn scenes or 'place' real girls in porn scenes in my mind, and MO to that. When I was horny and watching porn, I had this 'drive', and nothing else than satisfying that drive was more important, it completely numbed me until I had PMO. It had completely control over me. I found myself sneaking out to a nearby toilet and act it out. Didn't matter if I was at work, visiting friends, family, hell even at shopping malls. Now when I'm horny, I can choose to act on it, or let it slide if I'm not in a situation where it is appropriate to act on it, and that drive isn't there any more. I only MO where you're 'supposed' too; my shower, my bed instead of.. Well, any place where I could hide.

    I see your point that when I'm horny and masturbate, it could lead to slipping into porn, but so far so good.
    That numbing drive is gone, and I feel horny in another way. Today I can spot a sexy woman irl or a 'trigger' in SoMe, media, TV, ads - and not feel a need to seek out a toilet and PMO. I'm having more sex with my SO, and enjoying it more, I feel more attracted to her than before - and I'm exercising more.

    Day 51 and going strong.
  15. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Numbing drive is a nice term. Brain sees arousing/saddening/challenging situation?

    "Fire up the numbing drive! Full speed on my mark, we're going to dumb space!"

    That falling apart of the need to numb and blanket our brains from our actual sex drives is something I am also experiencing.

    Funny how coping strategies can just invade and take over normal brain functions. Good look on your way into the 60s!
    NorwegianNurse likes this.
  16. Seriously impressive. Good for you man!
    NorwegianNurse likes this.
  17. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    Had a hard day and felt the need to search for porn. Then I thougth, what the f*, how is searching for porn going to resolve any of this? Fap my way out of a problem? Engage the numb drive into hyperdumb space? It was only my brain trying to reactivate an old pattern. Hard day? Porn. Sad? Porn. Bored? Porn. Happy? Porn. Horny? Porn.

    Went for a walk outside instead. Cleared my head.
    Day 57.
  18. Not easy to be that self aware. Nicely done.
  19. NorwegianNurse

    NorwegianNurse New Member

    So I thougth I'll share how I am avoiding triggers.

    First off, I installed Bulldog Blocker. It blocks all porn, and even detects if you're watching nudity. I also installed AppBlock to block sites/apps like Twitter, because the bulldog blocker didn't filter that.

    I actually deleted myself from Snapchat and Instagram. That was a hard one, but after two weeks I felt more free than ever before. Not just from porn triggers, but from scrolling my phone for entertainment, memes and random dumb shit for hours. I still have Facebook, or else I would be cut off from anything social. But only for 10 minutes a day, after that, Facebook is blocked until the next day. A 'gateway' into porn for me was that endless scrolling. When I eventually got bored, or I stumbled upon nsfw content, it stimulated my need for pmo. I've never been active on YouTube, so avoiding that was no problem.

    I take my scrolling addiction out on newsites now. I choose sites that dont update that often. It's much easier now to do something else than pick up my phone to scroll when I'm bored.

    I told my friends that I wanted a Some detox, and they've been cool with that, no questions asked.

    I dont have any blockers for my computers, so I avoided using them early on, and now I have no problem using them and staying away from porn.

    Day 58
    BackOnTrack likes this.
  20. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I also moved from meme sites to news sites many years ago, it is more productive and also good for small talk at work.
    To stay in touch I really just need whatsapp and that's it.

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