My progress has stalled...I need some advice!

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by cactus342, May 1, 2019.

  1. cactus342

    cactus342 New Member

    So I started my reboot 66 days ago and I can honestly say I haven't watched porn or masturbated in that time. I also genuinely do not believe that I will relapse by watching porn, I just don't think I will actively seek to view pornography.

    The first month or so I was happy with my progress, I was keeping a mood log every day tracking my urges to watch P and M and identifying triggers and distraction techniques etc. and aiming to take up running as a sort of healthy alternative dopamine fix. More recently though I feel like I have plateaued with my progress.

    Although I was not watching porn, I have been thinking about porn, and also chatroullette which I used to go on when porn didn't suffice. I also identified that I was ogling women a lot more than I was before quitting porn (although I was definitely doing that regularly before too). I feel as though this was my mind sort of replacing porn with something else that was still a sort of porn fix.

    I discussed this with my partner who, let me say, has been an absolute pillar of support throughout this process and I cannot be more grateful for the help and understanding that she has given me. We had been having sex throughout the reboot but after telling her that I was using sex as a release for the lack of porn and masturbation, we decided that we should abstain from sex for a month in order to see if that helped things.

    The no sex did not last, as both of us absolutely want to have sex together and feel like that is a way to be closer to each other, at a time where we both feel we are distant because of the things that I have told her that I have done.

    I have recently started taking my fitness and diet more seriously and I feel like that is something that will help with this process, and help me out of the plateau. But I have some questions and I need some advice from the community here.

    How do people in a relationship carry out "hard mode" without becoming more distant from each other, by not being intimate? (We have already identified that we can't do the whole "karezza" thing, because we just end up having sex and not having an orgasm, which is basically just edging (not helpful!)

    What are people's thoughts regarding SAA (12-step programme)? It is an intimidating concept to me, but I do appreciate that having face to face contact with people in similar situations to me may be helpful. Right now I'm sort of telling myself I don't need that because I am abstaining from porn successfully and using other techniques to help me and also seeing a therapist.

    What else have people found useful to help with strengthening their relationship with their partners, and helping them through this process too? My girlfriend is spending hours each day looking through forums (more time than me) and is fully supportive of my recovery, but she is worried that it is damaging her own mental health trying to deal with this and she's worried she's not spending time fixing that because she's focusing on me.

    Are there any other tips or advice you could give us?

    Thanks in advance!
     

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