Hi all, Must start with apology. I am not native english speaker and not much of a writer even in my own language, so I ask you to bare with me and my written expression. I am also a man of few words by nature and that transfers to my writings. Before registering I have read quite a lot of the journals here on 40+ section. I have enjoyed the humor, eloguent texts (some men here are really intelligent and excellent writers) and the insights. I have registered for one reason only. I want to quit watching porn and masturbating. I have been a member on another forum similar to this, but the discussion there has pretty much dried up recently. I have noticed that being part of community, writing regularly and getting feedback helps me staying motivated and focused in this fight. I am 48 years old. Married and have two children. My affair with porn is quite typical I quess. Started to MO at age of 10-11 with occasional lingerie adds and tv-shows. Moving to teenage years with porn magazines and videos to ïmprove my MO-experience. Since 1995 have been using internet to get porn. First pictures but last 10+ years with high speed connections mostly videos. Never had any affairs with real persons or anything like that. Just porn. 'Just porn' has been enough to lead my marriage to a state of being such in name only. It is a sexless relationship where we take care of our children and try to stay out of each others way for the most of time. I have preferred pixels to my wife and my constant porn usage have lead me to loose interest in sex (with her). Fantasies about sex with other women have been constantly in my mind though. I'm not sure what has kept us together all these years. Children? Yes, partly. Faith? Probably. Plain stubborness? Definitely. Being scared of making the decision about divorce? Absolutely. Have fantasised about divorce and everything getting better. Me getting free (to go after all those hot babes in the world just awaiting for ME...), but I know it is just addiction talking. Recently we have for the first time discussed the possibility of a divorce. Decided that a decision about the future will be made in the beginning of next year. Now that real possibility of divorce is brought up I'm not fantasising any more. Now I am scared and confused. I don't know what I want. What is best for me, for the children, for her... My feelings seem to be all over the place and I'm quite sure that jacking off and PMO binges don't help me think clearer either... So here I am. On day 26 of no porn, no masturbation, no edging, no peeking, no ogling, no nothing. Sexual stimulation kept at minimum as far as it is my choice. This is one of the logest periods I have been able to go without porn ever and it hasn't been easy. But I am motivated and actually desperate to get free. Seems that real life that I have been muffling with PMO blanket finally caught up with me. Now I need to deal with it.