Okay, so here's my story, which I've never told anyone... I'm in my mid-40's, married with two kids, and have been using porn to masturbate since I was 10 or 11. I was home sick from school one day and found a couple of hardcore porn magazines in the nightstand next to my parents bed. A few years later, I got regular access to Playboy, and would masturbate to that. When I started driving, I would go to a Newstand and buy porn magazines. I'd hide them between my mattress and box springs. Looking back on it, I'm sure my Mom knew they were there, but hey, I was a teenage boy. Then, in college I had a stash of porn magazines I'd hide from my roommate, and would masturbate when he wasn't around. After college, I had a live-in girlfriend and would buy or rent VHS porn movies. Even then, I always wanted to have more, more, more, and would want the 4-hour compilations, not actual movies with stories. After I broke up with that girlfriend, I got a new one, who found my stash when she cleaning my apartment as a surprise gift to me. She laughed it off. I felt like a pervert but quickly got over it. Then, I started renting 5 movies at a time from a place that had a special where you could kept them for several days. Then, came dial-up internet. My girlfriend and I lived together, and if she wasn't around, I'd immediately start downloading porn. One time she left, and came back 5 minutes later because she forgot something, she caught me. It wasn't such a laugh then, and caused a serious problem in our relationship. I promised to give it up, and did for a very short period, but then started again. Then, after we were married we had a relatively young guest over the house who was using our computer. I had forgotten to clean up the history after downloading porn, and they found it. This almost caused the breakup of my marriage to her. I again promised to stop, and did for awhile, until I started again. Then, we got high speed internet, and things got much worse. Anytime I was alone, I searched out porn and masturbated. If I was working at home, I masturbated. If my wife was downstairs, I masturbated. Sometimes if I got up really early. My need for more and more extreme porn was increasing. But, we were still having sex regularly. But, one time I was surfing and innocently came across some porn with girls of a very questionable age. This affected me greatly at the time, and I actually did suffer some ED for a few weeks. Over the past couple of years, things seem to have really gotten out of control. I'd say about 5 years ago, the frequency of our sex went down to 1-2x month, then 1x/month, then once every couple of months. I started experiencing occasional ED, and her feelings got hurt several times when I lost my erection having sex. She also caught me again as I didn't erase all my internet browsing tracks on my computers. We haven't had sex in 8 or 9 months, and I know I wouldn't be able to perform. In fact, I wanted to "check in" to see if I could still get it up without having to deal with performance anxiety, so went for a few "massages" with happy endings. Things were definitely not fine. My wife travels regularly, so I'm on my own probably 2 days/week on average. When she's not around, I generally put the kids in front of the TV, and go upstairs to masturbate. I also masturbate before going to bed, and sometimes when waking up. I've known I'm a porn addict for some time, and have tried to give it up. I know if I continue to do this my wife will catch me again, and I'll eventually lose my family. I want to stop. I found the Your Brain On Porn website, and it was the first thing I'd seen that makes sense. I don't want people preaching god and jesus at me, and I found a rational, science based explanation for what is going on with me. It doesn't excuse the behavior, just helps me to understand it, and how to stop. So, here I am: mid-40s, loving wife, two great kids, successful in my job, but a porn addict. I want to make love to my wife again. We have lost any intimacy or closeness, we are basically like a brother/sister bringing up two children. She hasn't said a lot about it, but she knows something is going on. I really, really want to break my porn addiction. Today I start my reboot.