My Lucky Life

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by ejb65, Jul 26, 2014.

  1. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    Here we are another week in.
    -Back on no P but MO every couple of days in the morning.
    -Had sex this morning with my wife. Better than last week. got a good erection and had penetration for 20 mins or more but not full penetration yet. Close to orgasm but just finished myself off a little at the end as my wife had enough.
    -So i think i just need to keep going now. Keep not looking at P. doing sex weekly or twice weekly and hopefully in the coming months a new pattern will finally emerge and MO should decrease.
    -also just keep the work part of my life and my daily exercise going as well.
     
  2. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    and another week:
    1. work is going well on my contract, not stressful and getting stuff done.
    2. Exercise program going well. Staying at 72kg, doing 4km exercise bike for 10min every morning and tennis on weekends.
    3. Sex is improving with my wife. missed this morning but will try tomorrow. Had a good hj experience mid-week. Need to keep working on this.
    4. P and MO - this is a where things are happening. Starting to use urge surfing and read about have emotions affect cravings so now starting to analysis what is happening when i get cravings for P and MO. Not suppressing them so in some ways like successful but weirdly trying now to experience cravings to try and understand them and figure out how to deal with them. At the moment P is only an issue when i get a trigger like the news about the iCloud stuff made me think about P.
    So the next week i want to analyze my cravings to see what is going on emotionally etc so i can better deal with them as well as try for better sex with my wife. -)
     
  3. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    Another week. work, exercise, my sexual relationship with my wife are all progressing. in a way these are the easier things today. Still cannot get back to that 33 day no P streak i had at the start. I'm going to try doing the same approach as when i did then no P streak. That is focus on no P, don't worry too much about MO, focus on no thoughts about P. I will initially just try for a 3 day streak.
     
  4. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    Another week. Had full penetrative sex with my wife this morning to O so this was good.

    I have been research psychology approaches to urges and cravings and come up with urge surfing.
    I have been listening to the urge surfing, SOBER space and mindfulness mp3 while doing my exercise bike each morning from:
    http://www.mindfulrp.com/For-Clinicians.html

    At first the urge surfing approach was worse as it encourages you to stop and observe urges rather than just suppress them. So you fail alot more at the beginning and as you get more success in observing the urges you feel much worse because you observe the urges for longer so experience the pain much more. -) My stomach has been in knots alot.

    However it has allowed me to start to hold out on my urge and transfer my sexual appetite to my wife.

    Weirdly you need to start to feel alot worse before you can feel better because you have to experience the pain of urges.
    I found the SOBER approach to be helpful. (Stop, Observe, Breathe, Analyze, Respond) to be helpful as you can do it anywhere even for 30 seconds. So the currently feeling much worse but i believe over time i will conquer the urges and feel better. It is the slight edge approach, just small changes. So I am making progress by feeling worse and being more aware of urges. -)
     
  5. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    some things are going well.
    -my daily exercise program has become a habit which is great.
    -my sexual relationship with my wife has improved. having sex a couple of times a week and my wife understands me now and tries to help.

    but not making much progress on the P and MO front so I'm going to try the
    http://www.recoverynation.com program and see if this can help me make progress.
     
  6. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    I worked though some of the recovery nation material and found it useful but very structured, I looked at urge control and meditation but there is no silver bullet ofcourse. -)
    So far i did a great first month with no P but since then i tend to only do a few days. I spent a bit of time looking at different techniques, getting my sexual relationship going again with my wife, and getting an exercise program going. all good stuff but need to move back again onto a no P reboot.
    But i need to do another serious reboot so i am getting prepared to go for another period of time.
    -I have tighten up the web filter and removed my access to it.
    -I am now preparing urge control techniques before it happens to get prepared. I want to avoid relying on emotions and will power.
    So I will get a plan.
    -I know after a week it gets easier so when i think i'm prepared enough i will try for a week (maybe i will start in a couple of weeks) .
    So I feel i have done sort of stage 1 of recovery and need to move on to a second stage.
    Once I start stage 2 i will try and blog more often.
     
  7. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    Starting to have some success again now. I have found that the meditation techniques that i have been doing the last month or more are starting to help. Meditation is where you concentrate on your breathing and you observe your thoughts and when your mind wanders you then notice it and then come back to focusing on your breathing.

    This is actually the most useful technique i have done in the last 3 months because observing my thoughts is really teaching me to disconnect thoughts from immediate actions. Breaking the habit of going straight to actions from a thought without realising it is to key thing when trying to change behaviour.

    I'm a become better at realising "here is a thought coming into my head" I do not need to immediately act on it.

    Last week I was P-free monday to friday without too much effort which was great. I'm going to see if i can keep up p-free mon to fri. weekends are harder as i have more time. But weekdays what i am doing is:
    -just 20 mins meditation in the morning and exercise.
    -remembering I need to give my brain time to re-wire so need P-free days.
    -give myself visual stimulation by watching TV, movies etc in the evening and relaxing with the family.
     
  8. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    Not perfect, but continuing with some success without a massive willpower effort. Daily exercise and mediation are helpful. Tough times are when i am on my own for longer periods of time at home. I will now keep track of the number of P free days since Nov 1. I hope this will encourage me. The more P-free days i can do the better my brain will be re-programmed!!

    As of Nov 15: P-free days 13 out Of 15.....will try to keep at 90% and try to get to a higher percentage.....
     
  9. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    P-free days 20 out 22. So running at 90%!!!
    Doing OK. I think i have found the program that works for me so i am starting to follow it.
    For me I try to relax and take it easy. I don't particularly keep busy like other folks here. My focus is to maximize P-free days and I don't care about anything else. So I just start each day with exercise, then go to work. At home just watching tv and movies to give myself visual input and otherwise relaxing.
    I am starting to do mindfulness meditation techniques. My focus will be to work on this to improve my breathing meditation and ability to observe my mind. Found this very helpful to just observe my mind non-judgmentally rather than try the will-power approach.
    I've got to keep going on this on this next few months to get my mind healed and re-programmed.
     
  10. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    P-free 27 out of 29 days this month.
    The mindfulness practices are really helping. I'm doing a practice where i try to look at my thoughts as a stream and name them. Like "there i'm thinking about work again". Actually i have found i think about work more than i realise.-). I have come to realise that these mindfulness practices strengthen the frontal lobes of the brain. We have this frontal rational bit and a core more emotional less-in control part that is what does the addictive behaviours. So you need to do practices to strengthen the frontal lobes. -)
     
  11. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    P-free days 34 out of 36 days.
    Getting confident now. Danger is over-confidence. My wife was away for 4 days and I was on my own and handled it so that was great. Need to keep going now. don't get complacent. My object is to get to March next year and be 100% p-free. It is funny now I will do anything to stay P-free. It is top priority and influences all my decisions.
     
  12. Sidd

    Sidd Guest

    Thats a good place to be. Keep powering on.
     
  13. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    P-free 41 out of 43 days.
    Going well. Has not been too difficult. I hope my brain is started to get better. My objective is to get to March P-free ie another 80 days as then the brain should be starting to heal. The next phase i want to start is to reduce MO but i have not decided when i can start that phase. I sort of learnt to do things in phases. Just try and achieve one thing and get it bedded down over at least 6 weeks.
     
  14. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    59 P-free days of 64

    Had a good run but a bit of relapse over new year. I guess new year is sort of an emotional time of realizing another year is starting. I feel a bit like a racing driver who has been circling the daily track of life ok for a couple of months and then i spun off and now have to get back circling the track again. For my mind to recover the important thing is not that i fail sometimes but that i can recover my mind by getting a high percentage of P-free days. And it will get easier with time. Need to up the meditation again, and keep going. Been doing my morning daily exercise Ok. Need to figure out a daily time for my mindfulness meditations as i'm not doing them enough at the moment.
     
  15. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Hi ejb. I've just taken the time to read your entire stream of posts here on YBR, and I do find some similarities between our situations. The "don't ask, don't tell" approach to sex seems to be the norm in our house, and none of our conversations about it have amounted to any change at all.

    I've not PMOd in over eleven months, but M is still the closest thing I have to a sex life (and even that happens rarely). If it's any help at all, pornography just doesn't have much appeal to me now. I don't crave it. I don't hate it. I just don't give it much thought. Guess it wasn't as big a part of my life as I thought.

    Keep moving forward, and keep posting.
     
  16. graybeard

    graybeard New Member

    Just finished posting about my perfectionism and read this. I think the "X P-free days of X" is a good way to look at it. I'm striving so much for perfection, that I sometimes miss the progress.

    I too desperately want to get to 90 days of no P. But that all or nothing attitude has created some discouragement. I want to accept the progress and hope that I can get there one day at a time.
     
  17. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    68 P-free days of 78

    Had a bit of a relapse at new year. must be the time of year. Currently once i get P-free for a week then my meditation and exercise program seems to be able to carry me alot ok. The problem is the first week. It is a bit like a steam train. Hard to get started but once you are moving you just have to keep stoking the boiler to keep going. So I need a more intensity program for the first week. Currently i am trying to do alot more meditation. I'm trying all through the day to stop myself thinking and concentrate on my breathing. I'm trying to improve the observer part of my brain. I'm hoping this will help me.

    Also I have come to realize that happiness comes from within. It is the love i feel inside of me not events or stimulation from outside. I'm hoping this will be an important revelation for me. I'm starting to concentrate more on my inner brain thinking and trying to stop thinking so much. My external circumstances are not the most important thing to experience happiness.

    So far i had a good first month, then 2 months of struggling, then 2 good months, now this month of struggling. Will i then get 3 good months. Let's hope so.
     
  18. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Here's to getting those three months!
     
  19. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    73 P-free days of 85

    Still struggling but i will be generous and give myself 5 P free days out of 7. I really trying to through out the day stop myself thinking too much by doing little meditations and trying to concentrate on my breathe. Gotta keep going on improving self-life with my wife, letting P recede into the distance. It is a long haul but i just gotta keep going at it.
     
  20. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    80 PMO-free out of 92 (87%)

    had a few peeks but otherwise not a bad week. I read that to recover successfully you need to have self-compassion when you have failure. Any addictive behaviour of years standing will have created very strong neural pathways in the brain which will make relapse happen and take along time to disappear even when having large period of success against the addiction. So i'm going to concentrate on PMO and be self-compassionate in any failures. The objective to get better and better as this year progresses. Let's hope so.
     

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